Parents who are just about managing school fees

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

Has it been worth it?! Looking back was this the right choice for your children? Would you change anything about your choice??

On paper we could send our 2 boys but the final years (2 year gap) between them, would be tight and I would have to return to work full time when both children attend at the same time. Hoildays would be in this county only and luxuries would be out.

My parents are happy to help out with any extras at school and I know 'tight' means something different for every family.

Any experiences?

It was the best thing I ever did.

The only thing I would change about our choice would be to send the eldest at a younger age, it was heartbreaking when we realised the opportunities he would never had which his younger siblings enjoyed and benefited from.

If you find an amazing school, like ours, it is worth every penny.

Ahh that's lovely Greenwing. It's a massive financial commitment but we have started at the schools nursery and as a state school teacher, I have seriously had my eyes opened to what education could/should be like. :( Just need to be sure we can meet the fees.

There are some excellent primaries at state level (at least until 8 if the children are very bright). We have ds at private and last september made the mistake of sending dd to a cofe highly sought after, small girls school. It has been a disaster, the behaviour of a significant minority is disgraceful and the school will not acknowledge the impact on learning. We turned down four offers for this once excellent state school and are regretting it bitterly. Money wasn't an issue, we genuinely thought it was the best school for dd not realising the potential issues over behaviour and the excuses made because some of the children have different less privileged upbringings and have to learn how to behave!!! Problem is, the three private schools now have no vacancies.

If you can do it, do it.

My parents did this. I think the quality of our family life really suffered as a result. The pressure on me to perform was enormous. I think my parents should have enjoyed us being young a little more and not fretted so much about the future. My cousins went to very average state schools, growing up it was clear that we were doing much better but now we're all in our mid-thirties we're all about the same! Education is important but it's not everything.

I know it's a tough decision. Good luck !

The private school he already attends (nursery) is very outdoors based/sports/caring of the developing child. It's not about the highest of academic standards. Having said that they had 17 awards to go to private secondaries last year out of a class of 20. (10 in 2 form groups).

We wouldn't have much left at teh end of the month so savings would be tiny......hols would be camping for sure!

Surely it depends on the choice of schools you have available?

It is quite wrong to assume that any particular independent school is better than any particular state school.

I can can only suggest that you try to make the decision ignoring the fees issue, and then if you find yourself still inclined towards the fee paying route try to decide if the extra financial stress is worth it.

Apart from the possibility that you might have a higher quality of family life if you dont have fees to pay, there is also the point that if you go the state school you should have some extra money to support educationally useful things...

Your decision is a really hard one to make, and you have my sympathy.

For me, it wasn't really a state v private question - although you could easily turn it into one since what mattered was class size, resources, music, sports etc. On a straight comparison I suppose private would usually win out there.

My lovely little DD just felt so anonymous at her state school, just stuck in the middle of things. I don't think she would have 'failed' at state school, just done ok.

I finally moved her in Year 4 to a small private school and she's absolutely thriving, her love of music is being completely embraced, she's bouncing to tell me what she's done each day.

The fees are such a stretch, have had to forgoe quite a lot, but its been a shock learning how much I wasted before. Even my notoriously tight a*se parents think this is money well spent. I don't like to say 'investment' as that infers I expect a return from her - I do from the school, but I just want DD to be in the best place available to us. In our case, that place takes a rather large monthly direct debit from me every month.

DD1 is in Year 7 at a private, selective girls senior school and is thriving. She went to a local primary rated as good by Ofsted and satisfactory by me!

DD2 is at said primary and I am seriously considering moving her to the private junior school attached to DD1's senior school. As soon as it is financially possible and definately for Year 6.

I feel that the state primary is okay and has its good points but is not as good as the private school. DD1 is inspired and challenged every day and I feel her education is tailored to her needs. DD2 is very bright, well ahead of her peers and although she is popular and happy at her school. I know that she would be stretched more academically at the private school.

We are lucky that we can afford the fees for DD1 and still have a great lifestyle but two sets will mean cutting back a little. The only thing holding me back is that DD2 is VERY happy at her school. I know that I will never regret sending the DDs to private school. A good education is one of the best gifts we can give them.

OH NLondondad, we were in this situation a year ago. Lovely little church school, 3 form entry, fantastic reputation - we took money out and it still came top. Reality = institutionalised bullying, what seems to be a determination to chip away at standards built up over years of excellence and recently an announcement that it's expanding at the behest of the borough. Thoroughly disappointed. An indy would not tolerate the level of bullying coming from children now admitted, the old staff can't cope with poor behaviour and lessons are continually disrupted. The biggest prob is that the independents we were offered 12 months ago are full. Feel totally misled and desperate for poor dd who is surviving a snake pit.

It was quality of teaching that decided me. The local juniors was just so...well, uninspired in music and art (where DD is very talented) so we found a local private with an art teacher who can really teach and a big music tradition. When your 7 yo old says "at my last school they said "draw a bird", and you just had to draw a bird, but this lady shows you how, and everyone draws better than people in my old school", it was then I realised that the quality of the teacher for your child's favourite subject is so vital.

It is tough financially but it was the quality of DD's daily experience that counted.

I am also of the belief that a great start is vital. I don't think my DS will be an academic but I want him to be confident and well mannered and have the basics under his belt. We have an excellent CofE secondary and if he got a place after the idie primary then I think he would take with him an instilled work ethic and sound basic skills.

DH is of the thinking that idie primary isn't 'worth' the money and he would rather spend it later. Ahhhh I really don't know.

"some of the children have different less privileged upbringings and have to learn how to behave!!! "

You're surely not saying that only "privileged" children, by which I presume you mean those from wealthier families, know how to behave.

In my experience (privately educated, but have taught in state primaries for many years), it's much more likely to be those from "better" backgrounds whose behaviour is, frankly, appalling. Spoilt rotten (materially) and with a dreadful sense of entitlement. DH reports that the bullying he witnessed in the private school he attended was far worse than anything he's ever encountered in the state sector since.
You simply cannot generalise. If there is an issue with behaviour or bullying in your child's school, onceamai, then I would suggest it's down to the specific school, not the state sector per se.

There's a few "if"s there. You say you'd return to work full-time for a while, but what if you couldn't? What if your DH lost his job? Mine did and was out of work for a year. A friend has only just found a job again after being out of work since last May, with his wife only working 4 hours a week. If things are as tight as you say, what would you do in this situation?

DS attends a private school, dd went to state, now studying chemistry at Bristol. Its about whats the best place for each child. There is bullying at private too, my son isn't sporty and was picked on for that. I saved as much as I could before he started, to cover if things got tight, and they have. He is year 10, fees go up but my work hours have gone down. I work two part time jobs to pay for his fees. The savings are rapidly diminishing. Think hard because once they are in school taking them out would be difficult for them. My husband lost his job and was out of work for 15 months so it does happen.

PlanetEarth all excellent points but I don't think many families who send their DC to private schools would be able to continue to if their financial situation changed....
I can return to full time but yes, if DH did loose his job we wouldn't be able to pay. I guess then I would have to beg our family to help us out. That would be very tough.

My son attended a private 6th form having been at a faith comp. On the second day he said that the teacher had to go out of the class for a minute and the children carried on working. He seemed amazed. I asked if this was different to what had happended in his state school and he laughed and said "of course not".

I think it depends on what you mean by 'just about managing'.

What if someone is unemployed/ill etc? Some schools may help, but this isn't a given.

In oversubscribed areas, if you needed to move dcs into state education par-way through, there may be no places at popular schools.

We looked into how much it'd cost for private education from 4 to 18 around us (surrey) - for one child it seems to be around £150,000, and that's excluding extra costs such as uniform, transport, music lessond, trips, childcare after school and in the holidays (17 weeks per year) etc.

That's rather more than a few missed holidays!

Difficult one.

DC's attended a prep where everyone seemed to comfortably meet fees with enough left over for lots of SAHPs, second homes, shiney new cars etc

DD now attends a more mixed secondary. Don't get me wrong, in the great scheme of things the kids are advantaged, but there is more robbing Peter to pay Paul, iyswim.
Plenty of immigrant familes working very hard to send their girls there.

They consider it worht every penny and sacrifice they've had to make...so who am I to argue.

Never regretted it in a million years. I have one son at a fab prep and another in a top senior boarding school. I have to work full time but tbh - I should have to. I have come for an ordinary background, both my DH and I work and had children late, consequently we could afford more. Yes, I have a shiny car but it isnt mine, its the company's!

I think it is good to think about what you have to do to afford it. It makes you appreciate it more. Both boys are thriving and are getting opportunities I never had.

There are plenty of Asian families who are not particularly well off at both the boys schools, they often get help from the extended families to pay the fees and they work very hard to send their children to private schools. The only thing I would say is that they often focus on just the academic side, no sport, tutors at the weekend. Not sure that is right but they are often very clever. I like my boys to be around them, I always think, if I was taught to play tennis by Jimmy Connors I would never be as good as him - but I would definitely be able to hold my own during a tennis match!

I love that maisiejoe123 and so true.
I am still so torn....what if DH did loose his job......but then you can't always put off things because of what if's....can you?

I think you've answered your own question Mary Poppins, you really should have two years fees set aside to deal with emergencies such jobs/etc.

Mary P - if money is tight why not send them to state primary (if you have a decent one near you - and top it up with clubs etc) and then private secondary? That said we've paid for our DD throughout (apart from one year when she went to the state school) and haven't regretted it. We're not on big incomes - and I have to get extra work to comfortably pay the fees. So glad our dd goes there though! It's a lovely school and well worth all the expense. But as ptiger says fees keep on rising so think carefully before making the commitment. All depends on the character of your child and what's available in the state sector around you.We would have had to move to get our DD into the good girl's comp (1.5 miles away) so with only one child, decided to stay with the indie that she was already at.

I would LOVE to send my children to private schools but in this area it would cost £26000 a year for two DCs so that would mean DH and I earning another £35000 between us per year. Never going to happen :(

That is double what I cost my parents to send me 20 years ago - I live in the same area.

nikki schol fees and house prices have risen out of all recognition.

Many people are not able to pay for things their parents could.