Private lesson, think I handled this badly. What to do?

[ZZZenAgain]

I pay for a 45 minutes lesson for dd. Often teacher gets there a bit late or has a pupil beforehand and that lessons runs over or the pupil after dd arrives early. In effect it is often closer to 30 minutes than 45 for these reasons.

Nw it isn't the end of the world and she is a good teacher but it kind of rankles. Today we got there on time for the lesson at 3.30. She had a pupil there and they kept on working together till 3.45 (so 15 minutes really into dd's lesson). Then the mother came in to pick up her child and was there chatting for 5 minutes.

So the lesson began actually 20 minutes later and I asked if she would prefer us to come a bit later but she said no, there would still be enough time to fit in dd's lesson.

She stopped after 30 min. So I asked her about that and said I would like dd to have a full 45 minute lesson because I think she needs it but the teacher said , "it was 45 minutes." And I didn't know what to say really. She looked quite angry and I realised I had handled it badly but didn't quite see what to do about it.

What should I have done? Should I just forget about the actual length of the lesson in future? Was it being a bit picky to bring that up?

it's a music lesson btw

I realise you cannot always work to a time slot in music but I cannot get my head around how she does these things and I really didn't know what to say when she insisted it was 45 minutes and it wasn't. Is it pathetic to query 15 minutes here or there?

Please put me straight! I don't feel good about it. I asked if it would be easier for her to fit in a 45 minute lesson if we ame on a different day or at a different time but she said she has so many pupils, she really cannot manage a different day/time. She's fully booked.

Hate feeling like a twat

Why do you think you handled it badly??

How are you billed? What does her bill/invoice say?

If you are paying for 45 minutes and it was the agreed amount/length of time for the lesson, then you are entitled to it.

If you asked for 500g of mince, were charged for it, but the butcher only weighed out 400g you would complain. I don't see the difference.

She's out of order. You've paid for 45 minutes, you should get 45 minutes, and she's taking the piss. Could you email her so you don't get scared and/or heated?

Doesn't strike me that you handled it badly, you were completely right to query it.

You are paying for a 45 minute lesson, that's what you should get. Her poor timekeeping shouldn't be to the detriment of your child.

I personally would be asking for a reduction in fees or a longer lesson.

I think 45mins is a rather long music lesson tbh but if that is what you have paid for and is timetabled that is what she should get. dd's often start earlier than shceduled if previous student hasn't shown up and we arrive early so she may get the odd extra 5-10 mins.

I transfer a set sum for the month to her account based on 4 x 45 minute lessons.

I think I handled it badly because of the look on her face. She said they had gone through all of dd's pieces so they were done but I just feel surely that is not right. They could have started a new piece and worked on it for 15 minutes or done some kind of exercise...

feel bad because she was denying that it had been a shorter lesson and said that sometimes you are just through earlier etc. Didn't feel pleasant IYSWIM.

I think you handled it badly in that you didn't pursue it.
I wouldn't mind a 5 min delay to the start of the lesson or for this to happen once but anymore and she's taking the piss.

Why does the child before yours get an extra 15 minutes but your doesn't.

she said the other girl had arrived late so she had gone on later today (but it is often like this) and then she stopped when she had gone through the pieces.

Hmm just feel I didn't do a good job of judging on her reaction she was offended or annoyed ...

I would work out what the pro rata rate is and pay for the time she actually teaches. But then I'm a bit arsey and I suspect you're not.

So why should your DC suffer because this other child turns up late.

Why don't you do with the other mother does and leave her for exactly 45 minutes?

Possibly she hasn't got a clock and the other mother turning up signifies the end of the lesson? No excuse though. Confirm start and end times and cost and if it continues I'd find someone else.

she has an ensemble after dd's lesson so she would just open the door for them to come in whenever she finished with teaching dd, she would not continue till I came to pick her up

Finding someone else who dd likes and who is a good teacher is not really as easy as all that. I feel that if I brought it up again, she might just refuse to continue teaching dd who would be sad about that.

Thanks everyone, it is good to see that I was perhaps right to feel it was not ok but maybe the way I said it was offensive. I really don't know

You are right, I will see how it goes next week and maybe I shall have to look around for someone who has a bit more time.

It is true, I hadn't thought of that , the girl who came late did get a full lesson but dd did not. Strange in a way. Maybe she wanted to wind us up a bit faster to have a breather before the ensemble began - otherwise she would have had to go straight from a full 45 minute lesson with no break into teaching that ensemble. If she had started on time she would have had a 15 minute break inbetween

the other mother is also a music teacher (same instrument), possibly they know each other quite well. I think they do. The other mother was probably just waiting to pick her dd up outside and only came in after 15 minutes because her dd had not come out IYSWIM. I think she would ordinarily just pack her instrument and go out when she is finished with her lesson not wait for the mum to come in and collect her.

wondering if other music lessons tend to start and finish more or less on time

make sure that once the lesson starts you call out the time to dd, say you are popping along to the shop and will return 45 mins on. That'll teach her.

we tend to get more time rather than less and I would be cross at a 20 minute lesson

but how old is she and is she learning well? sometimes they can do more in 20 mins than they manage in 45

I think you need to ask her if you are paying for your DD to play her pieces or for 45 minutes. If it is the former, then you can suggest politely to her that you will pay now on for the amount of time it takes your DD to go through her work rather than the 45 minutes you are not getting.

I am a qualified private music teacher, and used to have a busy practice. I also used to be an agony aunt in a journal for music teachers a few years back.

It sounds a bit unprofessional. I would say this teacher's time management has gone a bit wrong, but she is not aware of it. The best thing to do in such circumstances is probably to keep track of how many lessons seem a bit curtailed, and then mention it in a really friendly way to the teacher, along the lines of

"I just thought I'd mention that DD's last few lessons were a bit on the short side, I don't know if you were aware? Would it help if we came at a different time when you weren't so busy?"

I know you have had a stab at this but it sounds like you caught her on the back foot a bit too much, plus she had forgotten about the delay in starting the lesson.

If she's completely unresponsive to you as the paying parent, then you might want to consider looking for another teacher, if it bothers you. It's a very personal relationship.

Thanks everyone, I feel a bit better about it now.

Dd is 10. When she started with this teacher, she had a 30 minute lesson but whatwith the starting late scenario etc, it was too short to really work on anything. So when another pupil stopped, I was able to change to a 45 minute lesson. However it is often a lot less because she turns up too late and says, "oh we'll tack an extra 10 minutes on the end" but then the next pupil arrives and/or she forgets and the lesson just finishes 10 minutes short

I like her as a teacher for dd and so I don't want to have her feeling offended. Also if I come down too crisp and harsh about this, she may not be working with my dd in the kind of mood/spirit I would like IYSWIM (can't quite word it- I wouldn't like her to be angry about that and for that anger to temper her lesson and for it to become stressful).

I have the phone number of another violin teacher who was recommended to me once. Pehraps I could call her tomorrow (sleep on it) and ask if dd could have a trial lesson. If she had more time and the lesson went well, perhaps I could see about changing since our teacher is really very fully-booked and does have a problem with punctuality anyway, I think we will always have this kind of issue.

Yes, I do think at the level dd is at now, she does need 45 minutes to go through the pieces she has practised at home (they are getting longish, I find them complicated -beyond me totally) and then some time to actually work on parts that are difficult or learn new things, including music theory.

Has the teacher insisted you pay in advance?

I would ask politely if it is difficult to fit your DD in for 45 mins. Ask if she would prefer 30 mins, if the teacher looks puzzled, point out that the last few lessons have been only 30 mins. Suggest you pay for 30 mins or she provide 45 and you continue to pay for 45. Easy Job done!

You mention that she looked angry. That's not a very professional attitude to a paying customer. If she looks angry, intimidating or won't acknowledge what you say, is she really someone you would want DD to spend time with?

come to think of it there is also a girl in dd's orchestra who lives fairly near us and has a lesson twice a week (2x 60 minutes), so perhaps I could have a word with her mum and find out who teaches her and how that is organised...

Glad you don't all feel I have been acting like a total idiot. The reaction was bad, so hard to judge yourself..