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Original poster

Private lesson, think I handled this badly. What to do?

104 replies

ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 17:10

I pay for a 45 minutes lesson for dd. Often teacher gets there a bit late or has a pupil beforehand and that lessons runs over or the pupil after dd arrives early. In effect it is often closer to 30 minutes than 45 for these reasons.

Nw it isn't the end of the world and she is a good teacher but it kind of rankles. Today we got there on time for the lesson at 3.30. She had a pupil there and they kept on working together till 3.45 (so 15 minutes really into dd's lesson). Then the mother came in to pick up her child and was there chatting for 5 minutes.

So the lesson began actually 20 minutes later and I asked if she would prefer us to come a bit later but she said no, there would still be enough time to fit in dd's lesson.

She stopped after 30 min. So I asked her about that and said I would like dd to have a full 45 minute lesson because I think she needs it but the teacher said , "it was 45 minutes." And I didn't know what to say really. She looked quite angry and I realised I had handled it badly but didn't quite see what to do about it.

What should I have done? Should I just forget about the actual length of the lesson in future? Was it being a bit picky to bring that up?

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 27/10/2010 18:00

Is she ISM registered (Incorporated Society of Musicians)?

You can find ISM teachers here

BoffinMum · 27/10/2010 18:01

Without hearing how you said it, it's hard to judge, but my instinct tells me I would also be looking for a new teacher if it was my DD!

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:03

On a good day, I think she is very good at what she does, working to the level of the child, noticing when the child needs a break(change of task, taking the pressure off before the child is inhibited etc. Time management is not her strong point.

First music teacher we had was not like that at all, unfortuantley so I am not desperate to try someone new for that reason.

I will try to be better prepared to talk about it next week, like you and others have suggested minimathsmouse. Thing is of course I notice it every time but she probably does not.

Thanks for your advice.

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BoffinMum · 27/10/2010 18:05

Another tactic would be to drop off DD and then ring doorbell exactly 45 minutes later as a visible signal of the time frame. But that would mean DD would have to tell you if the lesson started on time etc.

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:09

well today for instance she played two pieces (tricky jobs) through. Then she played them again with the teacher accompanying. Then there was some talk about some of the notes and getting a certain sound here or there.

Then she played through a piece for orchestra, not much work on that really etc.

Somehow seemed to me (not that I know much of anything about music mind you) that there was not much teaching in it today. May have jsut been an off day.

Should I call her and ask if I offended her etc and say I hope I did not but it was something I had noticed happening a lot and wanted to bring it up, since I had been wondering about it..

or better leav e it till next week, see what happens?

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Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:12

hmm dithery twit that I am

OK I will call the teacher recommended to me and I will ask the other mum tomorrow at orchestra and other than that I will leave it till next week and see how it goes with current teacher.

Otherwise I will try your line mmm: "I would ask politely if it is difficult to fit your DD in for 45 mins. Ask if she would prefer 30 mins, if the teacher looks puzzled, point out that the last few lessons have been only 30 mins. Suggest you pay for 30 mins or she provide 45 and you continue to pay for 45"

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WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 27/10/2010 18:13

See, now I'm wondering what kinds of question would be asked of a music teacher's journal agony aunt.

Perhaps 'Little Tarquin shows up with sticky fingers and is ruining my ivories, what should I do?'

or maybe 'Prudence's mother always gives her sweets just before the lesson and she's unmanageable, how do I calm her down?'

or even 'Frogmella's toenails are really scruffy and I want to trim them for her, would that be ok?'

hehehe.

All serious questions my piano teacher mother asked me once, btw Hmm Grin

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:13

boffin we are overseas but she is a very well qualified teacher and has been teaching for 30+ years I think (conservatory and via schools)

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Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:14

I was curious about that agony aunt column too!

I kind of suspected it would be full of pain in the neck mothers interefering and querying everything you do

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TheFallenMadonna · 27/10/2010 18:17

Not having a changeover time will always mean you don't get the full teaching time. At school we have a 5 minute changeover between lessons, which means we get to teach for the full hour. I leave my DC at their piano lessons, but would expect to be out of the door by the end of the lesson in time for the next person to arrive IYSWIM. So I suppose their 30min lessons are really more like 20-25 minutes of actual teaching. But if we were waiting for 15 minutes for the lesson to start, I would be miffed.

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:19

"I just thought I'd mention that DD's last few lessons were a bit on the short side, I don't know if you were aware? Would it help if we came at a different time when you weren't so busy?"

Yes this is nice Boffin. Registered, thanks.

I think I was friendly and nice about it. I hope so. Obviuosly hit the wrong note though.

I know she wants this girl to audition for an orchestra but the girl is too afraid too and has refused. Both the teacher and the mum are trying to get her to do it. Maybe that had her a bit tense before we got there, I don't know.

However the time thing is probably always going to be a probem with her

Feel a bit clearer in my head now though, thanks for the opinions everyone.

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WhatsThatDuckDoingThere · 27/10/2010 18:19

I thought that as a special magazine for music teachers it was probably only read by music teachers and not parents Grin They're a funny bunch are music teachers. I had one who accused me of all sorts and managed to get me thrown out of my school (his wife was a teacher there). All because he had a grudge against me when I was 14 Hmm

BoffinMum · 27/10/2010 18:20

No, it was for music teachers. It was a while back now, but it dealt with things like how to deal with pupils who hadn't practised, or parents who swanned off on weekends away, failed to let the teacher know, and refused to pay for the lesson even though the poor teacher had been sitting there waiting for them.

I fear if you criticise this teacher she may drop you, if she is so grand. This is not good really, if you are made to feel bad and I am having to advise you of this. The relationship seems to be breaking down a bit.

Incidentally, just because someone has taught a long time does not necessarily mean they are a good teacher, or still enjoy teaching ...

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:22

yes I see your point Madonna. I think she does not have a changeover time planned in so there is always some discussion with the pupil leaving about homework/practice, that pupil packing up etc, dd unpacking.. Then at the end of our lesson, the next one comes in a bit early unpacks etc. I would prefer it organised the way you have it. We are out the door on time but the people before us usually aren't and the pupil after dd usually comes in a bit early, starts unpacking etc so yes I suppose that makes quite a difference too.

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Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:27

I meant I thought the teachers would be complaining about all the awful parents they get

I think she an see the child whilst she is in the lesson boffin. I like that but no, I don't think she is the type to appreciate criticism particularly. Who does?! She is a good person I think, her heart is in the wrong place. She probably has too many pupils, too many lessons and all as Madonna said, without changeover time.

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TheFallenMadonna · 27/10/2010 18:27

Early arrivals wait in the hall. Late pick ups ditto.

Longtalljosie · 27/10/2010 18:28

I agree with mrspickles. You may find that you've already said enough, and she'll do the full 45 mins from now on. See how you are next week.

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:28

agh her heart is in the right place.

Am too muddled today. Sigh

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KiwiKat · 27/10/2010 18:29

I would say when the next lesson starts, "Just wanted to check, since we were supposed to start at X o'clock, and it's now X.15 o'clock, which has happened a few times now, whether you think that DD is getting what she needs from just the 30 mins she's been getting, in which case I'll arrive later and revise the payments. Or whether you'd like us to start at a different time that's more convenient for you?"

That changeover/packing up etc is as much a part of the lesson as the actual tuition, as it's a chance to discuss what was enjoyed, or difficult etc. She needs to have a more realistic understanding of how her time is being used, and how it impacts on everyone. And just because she's a good teacher, doesn't mean that she has good time management or interpersonal skills.

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:39

thanks , well I'll wait and see how it goes next week.

I think I'll just assume I did a bad job of being friendly and nice about it and came across a bit nasty or something, see that if she brings it up next week , I'm better prepared for that.

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Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:40

thanks for all the suggestions on how to broach it/handle it/word it

much appreciated!

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kayah · 27/10/2010 18:47

I had similar situation a while ago and also complained.
The mum of a boy who had lessons before mu daughter allways walked in on the dot when lesson finishjed and chatted for at least 5 min.
off 30 mim, 5 min gone
it stopped from the next lesson on
in the end we left anyway
but I've never felt badly for asking about that

Original poster
ZZZenAgain · 27/10/2010 18:53

I suppose your teacher had a word with the other mum and asked her to arrive on time so that your lesson was not disrupted and the mother would then have done that.

Our teacher doesn't seem to see things that way, seems to have sort of fluid lesson times. Probably if, as she told me a few times, she is generally late arriving anywhere, she has always had this, starting late, running into another lesson, finally running short of time and having to cut lessons short here and there

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Talker2010 · 27/10/2010 19:35

I would ensure that next lesson ... when you arrive on time you wait a max of 5 min and then knock on the door and ask for your daughter's lesson to start ... pointing out that it is already 5 mins after start time

If she objected ... I would walk out and find a new teacher

FattyArbuckel · 27/10/2010 19:36

You may have said enough for her to have registered that you are unhappy and change her approach.

I would suggest that for the next lesson you arrive on time. Leave the building when your dd goes in for her lesson and tell the teacher what time you will return ie 45 minutes after the start time. Arrive exactly 45 minutes later. Ask your dd how long the lesson has been over for.

Tell the teacher that in most respects you are extremely happy with her as a teacher and value her highly. Tell her that you have an issue with the timings of lessons and perhaps she could explain how this should work from her point of view. Then tell her your point of view. You should then be able to negotiate something that will work for both of you. If not then you need to find a new teacher who you can negotiate with imo.