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Original poster

Worried about teen DD. Will Beat help?

318 replies

Weightlossworried · 05/03/2026 13:27

I'm becoming worried about my 15 yo. She's always been slim with a small appetite but lately she seems to have lost weight and is eating even less.
She denies any issues around food/body image when I've gently raised it. She hates school and for a long time has refused breakfast or to eat much or anything while there saying she feels too sick and anxious. She used to make up for it at home but doesn't really any more. She does always eat dinner and enjoys helping make it too.
I have no idea how much she weighs as we don't have scales and I don't think it would be helpful to weigh her but she is visibly thinner I believe, although she denies it.
I am pretty scared of saying or doing the wrong thing and making it worse. Can Beat offer help with this to parents? Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Weightlossworried · 08/03/2026 19:16

Thank you, thank you all of you. I am so grateful for you sharing your stories and pushing me not to accept what she was telling me.

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BreadstickBurglar · 08/03/2026 19:24

Oh OP how horrible for you. How’s your sister now? Just wondering whether she might be a useful source or advice.

Request a female doc btw that makes a big difference.

sammyspoon · 08/03/2026 19:26

Do you live close to school? For a while we had to bring our daughter home every day to eat her lunch, or on nice days we would have a picnic in the park opposite school. Your daughter will have to be supervised for all meals.

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 08/03/2026 19:28

My sister is fully recovered and has been for a long time. I'm not sure how helpful she'd be as it's all so long ago and I don't want to risk potentially triggering her. She seems well recovered to me but you never know do you?

I never thought I'd be grateful for growing up with an anorexic sister but I am tonight. DH is really shaken by the fact that he just hadn't noticed anything.

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sammyspoon · 08/03/2026 19:37

@Weightlossworriedit was my husband noticed my daughter’s ED as his sister had also been anorexic so he spotted signs I just didn’t see. Apparently genetic predisposition accounts for many cases although there are obviously multiple factors that trigger it. I’m very sorry you are going through this.

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 08/03/2026 20:04

sammyspoon · 08/03/2026 19:26

Do you live close to school? For a while we had to bring our daughter home every day to eat her lunch, or on nice days we would have a picnic in the park opposite school. Your daughter will have to be supervised for all meals.

Not massively close but we both have flexible jobs and can go and have lunch with her. I've already asked the school. I'm going to tell my boss tomorrow. I'm supposed to be away with work tomorrow for a couple of nights but I won't be going. I can't imagine being away and concentrating on work.

Interesting about the genetic factor. I'm also interested in the link with autism..she's not diagnosed but a few things have made me wonder the last couple of years.

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LurkyLurkyLou · 08/03/2026 22:23

So sorry you're where you are, well done on spotting the signs and bringing this into the open.
School is still part time for us as lunch there is too tricky. We had a spell where DD was off completely on bed rest, and with numerous appointments, but we've got her there as much as possible for normality. So take it day by day and be kind to yourself

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 08/03/2026 22:38

Anorexia has a strong genetic link, your DDs anxiety may have inadvertently tipped her into anorexia rather than her deliberately wanting to be thinner.

It’s good you have spotted what’s going on, you need to be referred to the ED service, if you are worried your dd is eating less than 500cals a day take her straight to A&E and get all the checks done there.

3 meals and 3 snacks a day, you need to take control of the food choices and plate it all up for her. If you work you may need to get signed off for a while….

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 09/03/2026 10:25

Just back from the GP again and this one was brilliant. They've referred her to the eating disorder team. We've got to take her for blood tests in a bit so once she's done that and had lunch we'll see if she feels up to school. We've made it clear that there is no pressure from us at all with school. I think taking it day to day is a very sensible suggestion.

She's been compliant so far with me taking control but even that makes me suspicious. We are monitoring both bathrooms after she's eaten.

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Pearl97 · 09/03/2026 10:33

Well done both of you. I’m so pleased to GP helped. Keep talking. Day by day and hour by hour is a very good suggestion xx

JuliettaCaeser · 09/03/2026 10:44

So sorry you are here but you are doing everything right. We found the Musby book and magic plate got Dd back on track.

Also (and others have got upset with me saying this but our psychiatrist did this) reiterating to Dd that she will not be able to do what she enjoys if she doesn’t eat. The spectre of having to stay back a year not sit her GCSE’s or socialise because she won’t have the strength to do so snapped her out of
it. Also we stopped exercise even walking and I planned to go into school everyday and supervise her lunch. She hated that idea and put on 6kg in a month largely to get DH and I off her back. She is NT though with no other issues so the harsher approach worked for her.

JuliettaCaeser · 09/03/2026 10:48

If you are a reader I found Hadley Freemans book on her own anorexia and Caitlin Morans latest book (her Dd developed anorexia theses a chapter on dealing with it as a parent) helpful.

Moran made it darkly funny - coming home from the gp with a “Neville Chamberlain” list of foods she knew her Dd wouldn’t never eat.

VividDeer · 09/03/2026 10:56

No experience of Ed, but have an anxious ( autistic) teen.
My daughter had blood tests recently and with the numming cream hardly felt it.
The staff were very skilled
Make sure you get the cream and have it done in a paediatric phlebotomy department.

I think you should tell your sister. She can offer to speak to her or not.

School adjustments for us are very much about having trusted adults and a safe space in wellbeing. My dd can eat there, rest there and has a pass to go when upset. She may be resistant to this type of thing at her age, but I suggest asking for it.

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 09/03/2026 10:58

I have actually said something similar to DD today. She was talking about GCSEs and wanting to go to college next year. As gently as I could, I did lay out to her that her chances of being able to do all that depended on her eating and recovering. That if she tried her best to work with me on eating there's a good chance that all that stuff is very possible but if she carries on losing weight it won't be. She could potentially end up in hospital and lose months or more of her life to it.

I don't know if that was the right thing to say but I feel like she does need to know what's ahead of her on the road she's been choosing.

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Goldfsh · 09/03/2026 11:10

Well done OP. You've done a great job recognising it. Glad that the GP took it seriously.

Pearl97 · 09/03/2026 11:32

Definitely mention how much this could affect her life - oh and that if she keeps losing weight she will need regular blood tests xx

Pearl97 · 09/03/2026 12:40

Just thinking, the GP did an urgent referral didn’t they?

You will hopefully get a call soon xx

Pearl97 · 09/03/2026 12:43

It’s also worth getting your daughter on your NHS app if she isn’t already. You will then be able to see the letters etc that are sent.

How Quickly did she lose the 5kg. You definitely need to tell them about the weigh loss on the call not just her current weight. I’m sure they will ask but just to be clear xx

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 09/03/2026 12:49

Urgent referral for bloods. They didn't specifically say how urgent the referral to the eating disorder team was but said something along the lines of it shouldn't be long as this kind of thing needs to be dealt with quickly. I'm thinking I carry on with taking control of her meals and snacks and supervising them and weighing her weekly. If I notice her not gaining or even worse losing or any escalation like making herself sick then I'll contact the GP and try and get things pushed along quicker.

We're in Wales so no NHS app I don't think? Wil double check that.

I think she's lost it since after Christmas. Last time we weighed her was august but it's definitely been a shorter time frame than that. The GP on Friday wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him that. They didn't actually ask about that much today but asked lots of questions as if they'd already accepted she had an eating disorder, so about her mental health, her feelings about her body and food etc

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Pearl97 · 09/03/2026 12:53

You’re doing amazing.

The ED team will hopefully pick up the referral quickly.

Definitely a good idea to take control yourself and to weigh her weekly.

Well done for all you’re doing. Remember to take care of yourself too xx

sammyspoon · 09/03/2026 13:09

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. For my daughter she was a similar age. In Y10, unhappy at school for various reasons, suffering with anxiety. We discovered she had lost over 5kg in about 6 weeks. It also started around Christmas time. In fact it’s 2 years ago, I remember as it all came out around Mother’s Day. Have you got the Eva Musby book? I found it invaluable for understanding what was going on in her head. You are correct in taking control of meals. She might not say so, but that’s the ED. She will actually desperately want you to take the responsibility of portions and food away from her as she’s unable to make good decisions. Our ED team got our daughter to make a placemat with all the things she was looking forward to on it. Things she wanted to achieve etc. I wasn’t convinced as ultimately some of those things happened and some didn’t. But anyway she’s much better now. Feel free to DM me if you want.

JuliettaCaeser · 09/03/2026 13:35

The magic plate method worked for us really well too and the benign taking over of food.

So weird as Dd is really smart and emotionally intelligent but we had to accept she was incapable of making good choices about food so we had to basically take over
on that. Despite initial pushback she did follow it. It was a year ago and she’s still on breakfast / snack / lunch / snack / dinner but she does it herself automatically now 🤞

sammyspoon · 09/03/2026 13:48

The other book I found useful was ‘skills based care for a loved one with an eating disorder’ I have that and Eva musby. If you want, OP I’d be happy to put them in the post to you.

LoudPlumDog · 09/03/2026 14:22

Sending you and your daughter much love and strength. My daughter battled for 5 years. Unfortunately she’s no longer with us, it’s a very real crisis.

Original poster
Weightlossworried · 09/03/2026 14:33

Thanks for the book recommendations. I ordered the Eva Musby one and it's due to arrive today.

@LoudPlumDog I am so, so sorry. It's a cruel disorder. Thank you for offering strength and support, I really appreciate it

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