Bloody hell - comments on my size

[CharlotteBog]

Talking to a colleague about a t.shirt I have that he would like to get for his daughter.
I said I could try and get hold of one for him and asked what size. I said mine was Small.
"Oh my daughter is tiny, that would be much too big for her"

I was a bit thrown. I am tall and slim. 1/2 a stone lighter and I would be underweight (according to BMI). In the context of my ED, I am struggling to accept being a healthy weight - am I going to get bigger and bigger....is menopause going to give me a 'thickening waist"? I haven't been able to do the running or cycling I so enjoy (injury) - am I losing all my tone?

Anyway, I did challenge him - "you've just made me feel really huge" and he then came back with "well, she's 5'2" and your t.shirt would be like a night shirt on her". His daughter is an adult BTW. I am 5'8".

I ended the conversation then. Clearly he sees me as some giant thing. Objectively I know I am not, but his words have been playing on my mind a lot.

I've been on a work trip for a week. I didn't bring my gym stuff because there was a pool at the hotel. Unfortunately it was out of use, and the meeting days were very long anyway (and jet leg meant I was not up super early). I am so keen to get back to my sport next week.

Kindly, I think that you are being a bit over sensitive here.
His comment meant nothing more than the T shirt would be too long.
He was not saying you are fat at all, just that you are taller than his daughter.

Totally agree. Have you ever even met the daughter? He wasn’t talking about how big you are, he was talking about his daughter. If you take all the comments about other people as directed to you you clearly do have an eating disorder.

I’m sorry op. I think maybe you’re not quite recovered in terms of your mental health and your eating disorder, his comment was absolutely fine, it was about his daughter, it wasn’t about you.

His comment sounds factual and normal. I think you're over reacting a bit, entirely understandable though.
Take care of yourself.

Sorry you feel like this and I totally get it. Think he was talking more about the length, a size small is never going to make you 'huge'.

He meant no offence. You've taken it personally when it wasn't.

With kindness, you are hugely misinterpreting what he said. He was talking about his daughters size, not yours and at 5 ft 2 she is indeed tiny and much shorter than you. I can imagine how hard it is, with an eating disorder, not to run every comment through the mill of your own self-focus, but you have to allow other people the space to have a different focus.

I actually think he was a rude git! Fuck him and he can sort the T-shirt himself.

Is he shorter than you? Little man syndrome perhaps. 😆

You’ve overreacted. You’re clearly taller and an adult and his daughter is small at 5ft 2. He’d just seen the generic difference in size and commented.

She IS smaller than you.

He was referring to height, sounds like.

A nightshirt is a long garment - I think he really was just comparing heights!

And even if he wasn't, and was somehow implying you're fat... he's wrong, that's all. Men can be wrong sometimes

He was clumsy and like a lot of men obtuse. But a 6” height difference is not insignificant in terms of sizing.

I have a dd that height who is sensitive about it, and hates being given clothes that drown her, as she’ll never ‘grow into’ them. So it may just be that he was trying to avoid that.

Either way, I know you heard it was about weight, but it sounds to me it was really about height. And you’re a lot taller.

He was talking about his daughter not you, but it's clearly upsetting you OP. Your wuestions (about putting on weight because of menopause or not exercising) we don't know the answer to, but I'm sure he wasn't getting at that. Are you still in therapy for ED? Please talk this outwith someone qualified

I agree with this advice. Whilst he may not have made the size comparison in the most sensitive way possible, he was not saying that you were big, but that his daughter is petite. He may not have realised your sensitivity to the way he phrased things. Please talk through your feelings about this conversation with a professional. I am concerned that your post finished with a response to this incident being that you want to jump back into exercise and do think that you should speak about this with the therapist and any treating doctor.

Yeah I would be hurr i think he was thoughtless and rude. Men can feel threatened by tall women even if the man isn't short or taller than her he can still feel emasculated by her height.
A lot of t shirts come like a nightie on short people regardless of size they seem to make them long in the body.

Agree with other posters that you have made this about you when it wasnt about you.

Also no one 'makes' you feel something, you said to him that that he made you feel huge, thats not fair as thats on you, he said nothing about you, he was talking about his daughter and the size of the t shirt.

I'm 5'8" & BMI about 21. I like my broad shoulders and I like oversized clothes. DS's 15yo gfd is about 5'2" and petite. Most of my clothes would swamp the gfd who is stylish & likes fitted items. That comment OP describes could not offend me.

And if it was a go then so what? Why should OP care if he sees OP as huge?

Anyway, I did challenge him - "you've just made me feel really huge" and he then came back with "well, she's 5'2" and your t.shirt would be like a night shirt on her". His daughter is an adult BTW. I am 5'8".

You’ve unwittingly answered your own concerns. This person made clear it was the height/length he was referring too (“she’s 5’2”, that would be nightshirt length on her”) and you are 5’8” - above average height for a woman ie clearly tall and even taller compared to a woman of 5’2”.

I’m 5’2” and long things do drown me. I might try on a dress, for example, and describe it as “huge” if it’s too long because it means everything is in the wrong place waist-wise and design-wise. People of 5’2” usually have narrower shoulders that someone of 5’8” so things can hang off the shoulders too. This is not because the 5’2” person is skinny and the 5’8” person is fat. It’s that one’s petite and ‘scaled down’ whereas the other isn’t. I often buy children’s t shirts if petite versions aren’t available.

You need to give yourself a talking too, in all kindness. You’re being over-sensitive. This comment in no way implied you were overweight or anything.

ps: I went to OA for 2 years because of an ED. Was a long time ago, tbf.

I can totally relate. Eating disorders are competitive and it’s such a struggle when someone’s smaller then you.
What he said was just a passing comment, and not a critique or insult towards you in any way. But I do understand how hard that is to hear.

Are you getting any support?

It is ok for people to be smaller than you. It is not an insult to say that someone else is smaller than you - in this circumstance you should try to understand that it is your issue and work on your own mindset.
Your brain is trying to make you feel very very small - there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking up some space in this world.

Such an over reaction OP, honestly.

I wear small all the time and would say I’m a size 10-12…… which is not small.

also there’s birthing wrong with being 5’8, I am 5’4 and would love to be taller

I think he was probably hoping the t-shirt you were actually wearing was say a medium then he would know that it came in a smaller size for his shorter daughter.

I don't think it means he thinks you are a 'giant thing'. You are taller than his daughter.