Bloody hell - comments on my size

[CharlotteBog]

Talking to a colleague about a t.shirt I have that he would like to get for his daughter.
I said I could try and get hold of one for him and asked what size. I said mine was Small.
"Oh my daughter is tiny, that would be much too big for her"

I was a bit thrown. I am tall and slim. 1/2 a stone lighter and I would be underweight (according to BMI). In the context of my ED, I am struggling to accept being a healthy weight - am I going to get bigger and bigger....is menopause going to give me a 'thickening waist"? I haven't been able to do the running or cycling I so enjoy (injury) - am I losing all my tone?

Anyway, I did challenge him - "you've just made me feel really huge" and he then came back with "well, she's 5'2" and your t.shirt would be like a night shirt on her". His daughter is an adult BTW. I am 5'8".

I ended the conversation then. Clearly he sees me as some giant thing. Objectively I know I am not, but his words have been playing on my mind a lot.

I've been on a work trip for a week. I didn't bring my gym stuff because there was a pool at the hotel. Unfortunately it was out of use, and the meeting days were very long anyway (and jet leg meant I was not up super early). I am so keen to get back to my sport next week.

Exactly even the highly emotive thread title, sounds like the colleague is randomly commenting on ops body, not that it's part of a conversation!

To be 5ft2 means that the vast majority of regular length clothes don't fit well as each section of the clothing is too long so nothing hangs right. It's frustrating. This man is probably aware that his daughter struggles to find short enough clothes so if you at your lovely 5ft8 are wearing a small then that t shirt is likely to be too long for 5ft2 even in extra small size.

It's nothing to do with being thinner.

Even at 5ft4 many tops and dresses don't work on me.

I think OP probably owns being highly sensitive due to struggling with an ED. Hence she was triggered.
Not exactly supportive saying basically, you need to get a grip, stop being so sensitive etc.

Anyway I doubt OP is coming back so….

most women would be aware that 'your t shirt would be much too big for her' is a potentially loaded statement - because women are in the habit of comparing their size to others,

I am going to presume I'm not one of those "most women"

FFS, why are we pandering to saying it's ok for women to compare their size to others, esp. when when everyone in this thread would agree it's not a desirable habit. Stop doing it. Stop pandering to the assumption it happens. Stop acting like your body size compared to others is important. Stop being part of the cultural value system that focuses on this type of information.

yes I had an ED myself, moving past it doesn't mean continuing to be hyper sensitive about every comment about anyone's appearance. Start with the presumption that all comments are factual or a trivial opinion. Heck, that statement applies to everything I'm writing too, if you don't like it.

He was saying that his daughter is shorter than you, which is true. He was behaving normally.

Are you having a go at the posters being horrible to the man too? Asking if he had 'short man syndrome'? what if that's triggered people?

Honestly, get a grip. His comment was clearly about his dd height. Don’t make your problems his, because they are yours and only yours.

Where did I say it was OK? I'm talking about the world we actually live in, not the world as it should be.

I'm glad you have moved past your ED but that doesn't change the regrettable fact that many other women are living with disordered eating in varying degrees.

It sounds like he didn't actually mention your size at all. Just the t-shirt and his daughter.

It was probably just a blasé comment he made up because what he wanted to say was 'I'll probably get a different top' but said so clumsily.

I am the same height as you OP, and in the middle of the BMI healthy range.

One of my T shirts would be big on a ‘green zone’ 5’2” woman because I also have a broader frame than women that size. And a bigger shoe size. And use M Marigold gloves rather than Small.

It would have been better had he just said ‘she’s 5’2”’…but then you wouldn’t know if she was an apple with DD bra size, or what.

It was a tricky question for him to answer, and gaining MH recovery means being able to live our lives without other people having to adopt a script that supports our disorder.

I am sorry your trip was marred but I think it was unfortunate and triggered your response rather than his fault iyswim.

I’m not having a go at posters being horrible to the man.

If there are any short, ‘offended’ men here. I’m really sorry 😆

Good god!
Do you find yourself getting upset when you have conversations with others? Perhaps you are internalising things too much. It doesn't seem that he was being rude or passing comment on you, he was actually talking about his daughter being small that does not mean he was implying that you are big.
You are not the sun the rest of the galaxy does not revolve around you

His comment was fine op. Gently this is the eating disorder speaking.

This! Slim, healthy, looking well… all sound like alright fatty to me 😩

Makes perfect sense to me. But for someone less rational, probably not

People treat tall women like they are a giant in the UK but in places like the Netherlands nobody will call you huge at 5ft8.
It'a such a bore when women under 5ft3 keep going on and on about their tiny petite body and their little feet and how they shop at children's. I think they try to be cute, very pick me and they end up attracting men with a size fetish or insecurity. I say this as a 5ft2 middle aged woman who has been a range of sizes and wore Regular. Some shorter women just overegg the whole little Thumblina card too much it's wearing.

I think he was rude and clumsy. I wonder how many PPs saying his comment was fine would have felt a little affronted nonetheless.

Like a dog with a bone.

We must shop at very different places. I'm a 12 and often need a large. In fact I've wondered what size these adults are who wear small. My teen dd is slim and narrow and she wears a small. But she's a small size 8.

But the op doesn't wear larger sizes. She wears a small

Read the OP again very carefully.
He made no mention of the OP's size. He said his daughter was tiny.
Which was factual compared to the way the t-shirt currently sits on OP, who's 5 inches taller.

I'm only 5 feet and things are almost always too long. It's not just about height as well it's about the build, I'm very skinny

*and no, I don't enjoy iy or go on about being Thumbelina, people don't really take me seriously even at work. I've taken to wearing heels so I can assert my presence. At least my voice is a bit deep so that helps.

If a 19 is a small an 8 would be an xs not a 6. A size 8 isn't visually that much different from a size 10

The dd is an adult. There aren't that many size 6 adults. There are of course some but it's unusual.

He’s a wank

He wasn't talking about you. He was talking about his daughter. The fact that you've got so defensive and made it about your size makes it sound like you're not recovered.
I imagine she's the same size as my assistant who, at 23 years old is around a uk4-6 (xxs or xs depending on the brand)
and about 5'1. A 5'8 person's small would drown her.