Bloody hell - comments on my size

[CharlotteBog]

Talking to a colleague about a t.shirt I have that he would like to get for his daughter.
I said I could try and get hold of one for him and asked what size. I said mine was Small.
"Oh my daughter is tiny, that would be much too big for her"

I was a bit thrown. I am tall and slim. 1/2 a stone lighter and I would be underweight (according to BMI). In the context of my ED, I am struggling to accept being a healthy weight - am I going to get bigger and bigger....is menopause going to give me a 'thickening waist"? I haven't been able to do the running or cycling I so enjoy (injury) - am I losing all my tone?

Anyway, I did challenge him - "you've just made me feel really huge" and he then came back with "well, she's 5'2" and your t.shirt would be like a night shirt on her". His daughter is an adult BTW. I am 5'8".

I ended the conversation then. Clearly he sees me as some giant thing. Objectively I know I am not, but his words have been playing on my mind a lot.

I've been on a work trip for a week. I didn't bring my gym stuff because there was a pool at the hotel. Unfortunately it was out of use, and the meeting days were very long anyway (and jet leg meant I was not up super early). I am so keen to get back to my sport next week.

You've never asked a taller person to reach something for you, because they are taller?

He wasn't saying you are fat but you are tall therefore it would drown her, I think you are being oversensitive.

Your colleague needs to learn the word petite.
My dd and I are a similar size but she is short and therefore needs clothes that are shorter in length on arms, legs and body.
Crop trousers look like normal trousers on dd.

to be fair I am around the same height as his daughter and a t shirt for someone 5'8" would be around my knees. I think by tiny he was saying much shorter.

Yeah, I was gonna say. I'm 5ft 2" and even a tall woman who is much slimmer than me wears a bigger clothes size.

He just means she's shorter than you, which she is.

BMI is a more accurate measure of how "slim/small" you are for your frame. You are tiny by those measures.

I don't think a 6 is particularly unusual, I'm a 6 or a 25w on bottom and I'm 5ft 5 and in the middle of the green zone for bmi. In shops I shop in, an XS is a 6, S an 8-10, M a 12-14.

Maybe a he was a little tactless but it doesn't sound like he meant to be offensive. I suspect that your ED means you are being a little oversensitive here. Try not to take it to heart. I don't think he meant you're overweight at all.

I really am fat. But even when I was slim I have wide shoulders so anything that flared from the shoulders or bust made me look bigger, and my waist is disproportionately large compared to my hips so a skirt that flared out from the waist made me look bigger too. I can’t help but wonder why this comment made you feel the way you do. A top worn by Tess Daly, for example, would drown Claudia because she is petite whereas Tess is tall and slim. They both look good.

OP I think you need to get some professional therapeutic help help. EDs are a bugger to deal with - it’s very hard to do it alone.

The guy didn’t say anything wrong, he just has a petite daughter.

The BEAT website is a really good place to start.

He meant you’re much taller than his daughter, that’s all. Try not to ruminate on it and be aware that because of your ED, you will be prone to being hypersensitive and hypervigilant when others bring up the subject of size/weight. The comment is no reflection on you, let it go.

From the point of view of a small person (5’0”) it’s likely because of the height he said the t-shirt would be too big for his daughter. I often try on size 10/small t-shirts in shops and look like a child wearing their Dad’s t-shirt. Clothes might be sized by bust measurement, but the whole proportions can be wrong for a short person.

Thank you for your responses.
As I was away from home and my usual routines the nagging voice was heightened.
I have had considerable support from ED teams. I am not recovered, I am aware of that, and some of these responses have made me acutely aware that some of my thoughts are very entrenched. It is a long process.

Good luck for your future continuing recovery xxx

Good luck Op. x