I'm struggling worse than I ever have and I'm scared

[leahamarie]

So I've had an ED since I was about 8 years old. I had it under control but ever since I got pregnant and had HG which seems literally uncontrollable!! I've completely stopped eating.
I'm eating now, I live with my partner and he tries to force me to eat, which was how my ED was triggered as a child (as well as bullying). But I can't help my brain physically making me unable to eat food.
In past 48 hours, I've drank about 700ml of water, a tin of soup, some rice and 2 tiny little pancakes.
I'm terrified for my baby's health and no one will listen, I physically cannot handle eating sometimes and it's all because of the mentality.
To eat, I need to psych myself up to it for HOURS before hand and if it changes, I can't eat. I'll smell food or even see a picture that I haven't had on my mind and I'll throw up.
It's beyond anything I've suffered with before and it's getting severe. I don't know what to do.

I am truly shocked by your story and the lack of support you have received¹. If I am reading this correctly, you are 18, pregnant (how and why?), with a boyfriend who seems clueless and a family that has never acknowledged the severity of your ED.

You do not say how and why you chose to have a child at such a young age, with a boyfriend who doesn't seem ready to be a father.

Is your GP sympathetic and clued up? Is (s)he likely to refer you for :-

Consultant led care for your pregnancy and delivery
Urgent referral for counselling
Appropriate support post delivery

I am wondering - are there any charitable organizations thar might be able to help?

First of all, yes you read correctly.
Second of all, we did not plan on getting pregnant, in fact we used protection while we were on a family holiday but due to packing everything into one little bag, our protection got damaged and we didn't realise until it was too late.
I personally would never have a termination and while I support people who do, I would never recover from that mentally. As you can see, I have enough mental issues going on as it is.
As for my partner, he was supportive in the beginning, however as my symptoms worsened he grew almost resentful towards me. As if I could control how my body is reacting to our baby. A totally unfair and isolating way to treat me.

My GP hasn't really done much. I've been in and out of that surgery like a yo-yo and every time I get sent out with no solid answers. In fact, they're almost rude to me. Treating me, in my opinion, like it's my own fault. One doctor even told me to "deal with it" over the phone. Im currently in the process of trying to figure out what my options are regarding all of that.

Sorry to read your GP is awful.

You could try just walking into your local adult mental health centre and asking to speak to someone about their perinatal maternity mental health services? My town is really pushing to get the word out to GPs to refer young women like yourself who are struggling. As you are 18, you would be excused for bypassing GP if you plead ignorance.

Hey OP, I’m sure you’ve had lots of good advice already but just wanted to post as I now have an 8 month old following an HG pregnancy and I also have a history of anorexia. I was fairly well recovered when I fell pregnant, but it scared me so much feeling the fear of food again after everything I ate made me sick. Like you I couldn’t keep anything down. I had to go to hospital a few times for a drip, but after 12 weeks was prescribed ondansetron which helped hugely. HG and an ED are brutal separately, let alone together. Take each day one at a time, try and keep hydrated as much as you can and eat whatever you can keep down. I know that’s easy to say and hard to do, but for lots of early pregnancy your baby just takes what it needs from you and it doesn’t matter too much what you eat - I mostly ate jelly snakes and ready salted crisps for a while until the medication helped. I was worried about that but the consultant said he wasn’t worried and just to eat whatever I could. Keep asking for help, see different GPs if you can’t find one who listens, go to a walk in centre if you get very dehydrated as you may need to go into hospital for a short period. I found the small just folic acid tablets from boots better than big multivitamins, any multivitamins containing iron can make you feel more sick.

Definitely get more time off work - I was off for months, and then went back very gradually.

Be kind to yourself, rest as much as you can, and keep on asking for help.

How to find an advocate - Mind

Also you might want to have a mental health advocate who can help you get the support you deserve. Given your age, your ED and your pregnancy you are much more vulnerable compared with other women and an advocate can make sure you are not ignored or overlooked. It's really important as pregnancy issues can fail to be picked up if medical staff don't take you seriously due to your age and mental health.

I was sick for the first 6 months of pregnancy and really struggled to get eating again. After my son was born, it got worse (he was prem, complications, long hospital stay) and they referred me to the perinatal MH team. They were AMAZING. Definitely push for the midwife to refer you to them. I had a psychiatrist, MH nurse and psychologist in the end. They were all brilliant and incredibly helpful. More so than any ED service I’d previously been with.