Recovering from BED/bulimia caused by restrictive eating

[Taq]

As the title really. This follows on from another thread in 90 days only, and hopefully it can be a nice, supportive thread where we can help each other out.

There is only one rule. Please DO NOT suggest or advise ANY kind of dieting, restrictive eating, or rules around food/what to eat/how to eat. That is what got me and many others into this mess!

I totally get that diet culture is so ingrained into our society that people might suggest things like intuitive eating or intermittent fasting etc thinking it might help. But it won’t, and if this is pointed out to you then please take it on board. There are many other threads where that will be welcome 🙂

Please feel free to share resources. Personally, I have found Brain over Binge totally revolutionary. I think because it closely mirrors my own story - I had a health condition that made me lose lots of weight. I felt amazing being so thin and had so many compliments. When I was better and began to climb back to my normal healthy weight (BMI 23 - I have never actually been clinically overweight which I think it important to note) I panicked and began my first diet - calorie counting.

I lost all the weight again calorie counting and I was under 8 stone. I was obsessive over it but the intense hunger made me binge one day. And so began the cycle of binging and purging. Like the author of BoB, I couldn’t make myself vomit, my purges were in the form of starving myself and exercising.

That is a very condensed history of a very long story. I am now in recovery and I have the book to thank as it was almost tailored to my exact situation. My binging wasn’t caused by psychological issues; it was simple biology of hunger, which then caused a habit which I carefully nurtured and ingrained over 3 years without realising.

Everyone’s story is different and not every approach will suit everyone. The philosophy of BoB worked for me but different people will need different methods.

I'm not naive enough to think that this is me cured forever. But I am now absolutely positive of two things:

1. I will NEVER diet again.
2. I am now a recovering bulimic.

Hope this thread ends up being a helpful and supportive place 🙂

beastlyslumber what are you considering re high BP?

Another bad day for me. I'm feeling very negative. I look in the mirror and I've become so plain, I used to make such an effort and I was often complemented on my style, I miss it. I was up at 4am as usual, sweating and feeling restless. The menopause has really done me over. I'm only 44 and I feel so much older. I need to get some enthusiasm back regarding making an effort in my clothes, face and hair, maybe then the food part will follow naturally. I think I'm just having a bit of a low time. I'm seeking advice for my menopause symptoms, I'm not holding much hope as I'm not in the UK but I can but try.

Oh sorry - I listened to her as a guest on BoB podcast and Heather is a recovered binge eater so that’s not how she described her work.

Menopause is a bastard Buster 💐. I’m sure you are being very hard on yourself and that will be contributing. I hope you get some help.

Do you mean in terms of restriction? Basically any kind of processed food, added sugar and salt.

As I say, I only skimmed through so maybe it's not as diety as it seems from the thumbnails/titles etc. Just slightly nervous to delve too much! Maybe I'll listen on the BoB podcast instead.

It’s incredibly hard not to get ‘diety’ when approaching food from the angle of tackling a health issue I agree. Would it help to make a list of all the foods that come under that ‘need to be restricted’ umbrella and divide them between those you love, those you like and those you can take or leave, and use that as the basis for ascribing a value to them in terms of cost/benefit in health and enjoyment terms? It may enable you to quite easily look at the first two columns and think ‘not worth it’ and avoid them as a positive choice rather than feeling like you’ve banned them arbitrarily…?

It’s called When weight holds you back ep 71

Thank you! I'll have a listen.

No that won't work for me. Even if I can manage to make a list, I'll forget that it exists and never look at it again.

I do actually prefer to eat veggies, salads etc most of the time. But when I think I can't have something, that's a problem. And if I start losing weight it's really hard to stop myself from restricting and over exercising.

It's easier for me to think in terms of managing insulin than to think about weight loss or calories. So I'll probably try to focus on that - get insulin down to lower blood pressure. Will this food raise my insulin levels or help keep them low. But I also need to not make a strict rule about it, because that will trigger a binge.

It's tricky.

I'm liking the Kindness Method so far, although I've only done the first exercise. I think it might help.

That’s a good way of looking at it beastly

I had a dreadful day yesterday. I don’t know why.

I didn’t expect recovery to be easy, but I also didn’t expect it to be so up and down with no apparent reason. I can do amazing for days with seemingly little effort, and then bam I wake up one day and the urge to binge is just overwhelming. There’s no reason. I’m not unhappy, no more stressed and tired than usual. It’s almost like a desperate (successful!) attempt of the habit to win when it senses I’m doing well. I know that sounds daft but it’s definitely how it feels.

I have learnt that I cannot have certain foods at all. At least not for now. Anything that goes in the toaster with butter on is out. I really didn’t want to restrict at all but I think the only way is to not have them in the house for now.

I went to bed last night feeling bloated and disgusting. I’ve put on so much weight. This habit is in every way destructive. Every way. The good news is that I have got up today feeling so incredibly determined. I refuse to waste to rest of my life doing this.

It sounds like you are doing amazing @Taq. This stuff is hard! You could try Sarah Dosanjh's book or resources - she offers a lot of different tools and tactics for when the urge to binge is strong.

I can do amazing for days with seemingly little effort, and then bam I wake up one day and the urge to binge is just overwhelming.

Can so relate.

I think you’re in a shame cycle now. You feel awful, so you binge. Hope today is a better day for you.

@Taq im sorry to hear that. Some days you're just in a dark hole and there's no apparent reason why. I'm fed up of thinking about food and thinking about my body. I'm at the clinic today in the hope they can offere some help with my menopause symptoms. I'm not holding much hope. I'm just tired of it all.

@Taq I’m currently reading the Fuck It Diet (as recommended by @beastlyslumber) and the advice there is that if you are craving something (eg butter, and anything you can put butter on) then it’s because your body wants butter because you’ve denied it butter previously. And that you need to stop having any restrictions at all, even if that means eating nothing but toast and butter for a month, because only when you remove all restrictions will your body start to level out. The idea is that you no longer crave butter because your body knows it’s always available.

I’m finding the whole concept of completely giving up restrictions quite alien. But she seems to think it works, and she’s adamant that you cannot restrict in any way at all, and if you do you’re just delaying your recovery.

I’m only halfway through the book, but she’s really hammering that point home.

I haven’t read Brain Over Binge so that might be at odds with what you’ve read.

And that you need to stop having any restrictions at all, even if that means eating nothing but toast and butter for a month, because only when you remove all restrictions will your body start to level out

I think this is what I experience after a week all inclusive. I just can’t wait for wholesome home cooked food and a detox from alcohol.

I eat repetitively and I guess this is the same concept. I get fed up and move on but if I deny myself I don’t give myself the chance to get fed up. So I had a thing about pink lady apples and I’m off them again now, but when it’s chocolate I won’t allow myself…

I’m not sure if I posted this before but this is a great podcast about ultra processed foods. They have also written a book.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0c98bfy#:~:text=In%20this%20series%2C%20recorded%20during,about%20every%20aspect%20of%20it.

it is totally enlightening the lengths big, corporate food giants go to to create addictive “food” it’s not even just the taste, but the noise the packaging makes and the smell of the packaging.

I really enjoyed listening and it made me realise you are very much fighting against the tide trying to give this food up. It’s literally designed to be addictive and irresistible. it’s no wonder we binge! They WANT us to struggle to control ourselves around food.

I’ve been thinking about UPF a lot whilst reading the Fuck It Diet. The premise of the book is that if you give up restricting all food then your body will decide for itself what to eat and when, and find an equilibrium. But if UPF is designed to override your body’s natural ability to regulate food intake then surely by removing restrictions on UPF and eating it freely you are sabotaging that natural ability.
But if you restrict UPF then you are still following a diet of sorts, and therefore not following the Fuck It principle, so will not recover from a disordered relationship with food.
Interestingly the book was written a few years ago before the UPF issue was so widely talked about. I wonder whether the author has since changed her stance on recommending ALL foods should be freely eaten, or whether there is a caveat for UPF in the same way she makes exclusions for diabetics/coeliacs.
UPF is my go-to binge food. I can get it from the corner shop within a few minutes, so it doesn’t help to not have it in the house.

I think a lot of people binge on UPf. I used to. I did allow myself to have it without restriction and ended up losing interest in my previous binge foods.

However that was in conjunction with working through my binge eating recovery in general.

But if UPF is designed to override your body’s natural ability to regulate food intake then surely by removing restrictions on UPF and eating it freely you are sabotaging that natural ability.

i haven’t banned it but I certainly crave it less having listened to the podcasts. It’s put me off - I actually feel quite resentful and cross with the food companies and as a sort of defiance (and disgust when you consider it’s not “food” but a lab made product) I actually don’t want it. So a totally separate issue to restricting because I think it will make me fat - IYSWIM?

But I agree with the point you’re making and I think we should have this at the forefront of our minds when we crave it. It’s literally been designed to be craved!

makes exclusions for diabetics/coeliacs.

I know I can read the book but could you summarise this part?

She's just saying don't eat things you're allergic to or that will put you into a hypo.

Oh 😂

I know it’s crap but even with knowing how bad it is for me, and how artificial it is, I still eat it. Despite having all the tools at my disposal to make tasty wholefood meals, and preferring the taste of ‘proper’ food.
For me it’s really tied up with the lack of energy (perimenopause). I just want food I don’t have to prepare, straight from a packet, ideally whilst lying down. And perhaps an element of self-harm?