Teen Eating Disorders Thread 7

[Lottsbiffandsmudge]

We have managed to fill the previous Thread here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4471980-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-6?page=40

So I thought I would start a new one.

Everyone supporting a young person with and ED is welcome here for advice (non professional but lived experience) and support.

Hoping everyone can find us...

Little has she eaten anything yet? I'd be tempted to plate up her food and stick her in the car to head to a&e. I'd be bluffing slightly as would want her to eat rather than go through the faff of getting her checked but ultimately if she doesn't eat I'd see it through.

I know what you mean though, keeping the energy levels up is so so hard. I frequently had days where I thought I can't do this anymore.

With dd more carrot and less stick tended to work better, threats of health failing, hair falling out etc had no impact but if I said 'when you've eaten we can play a game/go on a drive/take the dog out etc' she would listen.

Sometimes I had to feed DD. That seemed to help her get round her 'I just can't est even though I want to' times.
You have to keep gently insisting. Sorry its so hard today. And yes doing too much or stepping out of routine did knock my dd too. She's prob tired from the party too and has less energy for the fight.

Someone mentioned Xmas. The Xmas when my DD was first diagnosed (within the month) I decided to let the food go for that one day. I told her I wanted her to try and served up the meals etc but didn't push it. In the event she did ok with the meals but ate no snacks. We got straight back on it on Boxing Day. That really is one day 'that won't kill them'.

@LittlePickleHead /others - speaking of Christmas, I've just signed up for a Beat course on surviving Christmas with an anorexic loved one. I attended their "Developing Dolphins" course and it was excellent. Course is free and accessible from the Beat website.

She's had a couple of glasses of smoothie and a graze pack. So not nothing, but clearly not enough at all

I just don't really know what to do. 24 hours is 10pm.

I'm also aware that she's not very underweight and I've seen a few posts here and other places that make me worried they won't take it seriously and it will then play onto DDs perception that there's nothing wrong with her and we're just trying to make her fat

We still haven't had the CAHMS referral or a private therapy referral come through which is compounding all of this as DD just thinks I don't know anything

@Whyisthishappeningtous thank you for sharing that ! I feel exactly the same just one of my other daughters have some friends over for a sleepover makes me even more of an anxious wreck than normal.

@LittlePickleHead did your D manage anything ? Sending love

Sorry massive cross post then my page updated very delayed so didn’t see the posts

So she's now eaten a couple of Mochi, a glass of milk and two biscuits. I've worked it out and it's about 800 calories for the day, so probably enough to avoid a&e but clearly she needs to eat properly tomorrow or she'll lose weight really quickly

I just feel out of energy for this, today has been so draining literally sitting with her trying to get her to eat, and the thought that I've got to now wake up tomorrow and do the same again is so depressing. It also feels like she now knows she can do this and I don't know what's to stop her doing it again?

I've got a GP appt booked for tomorrow afternoon but she wasn't great in her first appointment (I had to see a second GP to get a referral) so I'm not sure what good it will actually do

To all of you struggling, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Two years ago I wouldn't have dreamed that dd would be able to be where she is now. She's at university living an independent life and looks healthier than ever. Hang on in there.

I think you have to accept Christmas with a child with anorexia is unfortunately going to be pretty hard. The worst Christmas for us was the first one after she was diagnosed, she was holding juice in her mouth and hiding food in her knickers.

It was one of the lowest of the low points tbh but the following Christmas was better and I'm hopeful for an almost normal Christmas this year...

Also struggling today. Sending positive vibes to all. I keep trying to remind myself that I can only feed at this stage, I can't control mood or help if she doesn't want to interact or be distracted. I can only try and keep going with the food as best as I can... It's relentless and feels like there is no progress at all. Have we made everything worse?

I'm already risk assessing our usual Christmas Eve big family gathering at the in laws. I don't think it's worth the angst tbh. I might just send dh.
LittlePickleHead I hope you get some help soon. Your dd is obviously showing ED behaviours even if she's not lost much weight. Even once weight is restored the behaviours and thoughts are often still there and they still need help. My dd is eating well most days and gaining but her rituals and negative thoughts about her appearance ever present. I really can't see that just going away when she hits the magic 105%.
SwattyPie Sorry you're struggling today as well. I often feel like I'm making it worse as well. It goes against all my instincts to challenge her thoughts and upset her, but without challenging and causing that upset nothing will change. I do hope she'll be able to see that for herself one day.

So sorry for those struggling.
You are not making it worse... you are giving your child essential medicine. But It is very very hard.
And try to believe that in fact a lot of the issues will resolve with sustained increased weight. The key is a good weight being sustained so the brain can heal over time. Even if issues don't resolve completely it will be possible for them to access therapies to help. There is no point in a starved state. And as weight goes on it will get easier.
You have to try to hold onto the hope. My DD has fully recovered. We were in the same place you all were 2 years ago. It is possible.

Back on the roundabout this morning with breakfast refusal. I'm going to try fully on board with 'life stops' and sitting at the table for as long as it takes as we can't have a second day of this. GP appt is at 4pm so we'll see where we are then.

Digging deep to keep showing compassion and empathy as I feel fucking fed up inside

@LittlePickleHead good luck thinking of you.
on the compassion and empathy when I struggle to show it and just feel angry I know I shouldn't but sometimes I do, I look at the biological studies and see brain scans at how the anorexia brain actually changes structure and neurological connection that way I see it isn't my D's fault if that helps a bit.

LittlePickleHead thinking of you today. Compassion and empathy are very hard when it feels like they're willingly starving themselves. Remembering it's a mental illness does help but there are many times when I've been raging inside and at times it's spilled out.. :(
One thing that helped move things along was sitting and planning meals and snacks together when she was in the right headspace. The dietitian told me to use words like protein, calcium, vitamins, energy and balanced meals when talking about foods with dd. We do a week plan and it does help her to know what to expect. It might not work for your dd but there will be tactics that do help, just keep trying different things. We sit and watch shows like Friends and Modern Family (I'm starting to hate them) as a distraction while we eat and she now associates those shows with eating and generally dinner only takes 30 minutes now whereas it was often 2 hours at the start. We sat separately from the rest of the family which takes pressure off her. Hope the gp appointment goes well today.

Thanks @Whyisthishappeningtous

We've done the meal planning - she's seen it all, but still refusing. We've also done then thing and it's worked until yesterday, but it turned into us just watching tv without her eating for nearly the whole day.

So today we're sitting at the table. And still refusal. I'm hoping it will get boring enough.

I'm so nervous about the GP not taking this seriously again. DD talking now about how she would like to be tube fed in hospital so at least she wouldn't have to eat

Thank you it really does help ❤️

Ended up calling 111 and going to a&e where we still are.

Been seen by CAHMS and transpires GP was supposed to contact us to do bloods and referral to ED team but didn't.

I'm petrified to go home as DD still adamant she won't eat

You don't have to go home if you think it isn't safe. You can say that and they'll have to do something.

They are doing BP and ECG but will send her home if all ok despite her telling them she won't eat.

Referral to Maudsley should be forthcoming but in meantime I suppose I just feed her smoothie?!

@LittlePickleHead im really sorry, I don’t have much experience of this as never been in the situation where they have tried to send us home but when I asked about her low heart rate etc I asked from the advice I think from @Girliefriendlikespuppies but I apologise if it was someone else but asked them to put in writing that it was safe for her not to be in hospital and that is when everything clicked ( did transpire the consultant wasn’t even told her BMP or blood results )

my D has just been admitted to hospital again 3 days after coming out but i am at a loss as she was eating these last 3 days so much more than normal and has lost 200grams but her heart rate is still very low she is very disappointed and confused and is now telling me ‘see it is not worth it’ but I thought 5 days of the eating she was doing would have delivered a gain of weight if not actually a substantial one does anyone know what is happening ?

LittlePickleHead at sorry you're at the hospital. Really hope you get the right help and can find a way to get dd eating. Are the smoothies home made? If so can you sneakily pack with double cream? My dd wouldn't have improved without me getting a load extra fats into her food.

Lovewinter so sorry your dd is back in hosp. She obviously needs to eat consistently for longer for her obs to improve and weight to start going on. I can only compare to my dd who stuck at 78% wfh for a good few weeks whilst eating well and mostly on bed rest (this was over the summer hols). She started to gain slowly from there on. So probably a good two months of good eating before actually showing on the scales. Sending your dd loads of encouragement ❤️

We're home now and DD is drinking smoothies and has eaten a graze pot.

They did bloods at hospital which they have sent to Gp for the referral and I need to call them tomorrow to make sure they do it.

Other than that I just feel really confused as to what im supposed to do. I'll keep trying food and getting as many calories in through smoothies, but it all feels like not enough?! Is there any chance she'll just decide to eat of her own accord?

Love when they've been as ill as your dd has been they can go into hyper metabolism, if that is the case she's likely to need a huge amount of calories. Some report at least 5000 calories a day but some say it's closer to double that 😳

Little I'm sorry the hospital isn't being more supportive, how much can you squeeze into the smoothies? I'd make them with just fruit and double cream although you can add things like milkshake powder to add calories but not bulk iyswim. One smoothie could easily be 700-1000 calories if you look for ways to add fats and calories.

The smoothies are shop bought at the moment (so not as calorie packed) , she has turned her nose up at the ones I've made but I need to try again

I'm going to ask the GP for meal replacement drinks tomorrow in the hope she'll have them