Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

Which is the app?

@EdwardTheBlueEngine I know what you mean about historic growth charts. I took DDs along early on but they were never looked at. She's always been no higher than the ninth percentile so surely this is significant when calculating her ideal weight.

Thank you Lougle for confirming my DD's WFH - 98% so sounds as if they have set target weight too high. But I guess it actually wouldn't hurt to have a few extra pounds.

@Lougle I hope the assessment goes okay and your DD can move on with college placement

Welcome @EdwardTheBlueEngine - hope you get to the bottom of the wfh discrepancy etc

@NCTDN off topic but I just noticed you were on a university thread (northeastern city) - I live there and more than happy to answer any questions you had about life here!! We could have had a mini thread meet up when you did your tour!

@NCTDN yes same here my DD is historically the low end of the weight curve. However I've really noticed the difference in my DD over the past week and she is above her historic curve now. Not sure that meeting her historic curve would have been enough weight for the thoughts to subside? I wish it were a more exact science!

@EdwardTheBlueEngine your DD still only being 85% wfh with a 9kg weight increase doesn’t sound viable to me! Sounds like the psych just have fed some wrong numbers in somewhere along the line!

@EdwardTheBlueEngine I agree that you need to go over their historic weight curve to get the best results. My DD got to 103%wfh and she was always a 9 percentile baby and child. So well above her curve and she needs it. She has now grown and dropped back down and some ED behaviours are creeping back in...sigh..
In other news
So I decided to bite the bullet and weigh myself today and was horrified. 9 months of no exercise and comfort eating and increased portions has taken its toll. I have never been this heavy. Now teetering on the upper end of healthy weight and really need to lose a stone. So I have started back on the WW app. Not mentioning it to anyone as no doubt it would be a huge trigger for DD. All I can really do is cut out the snacks and comfort eating as I can't do much about portions at dinner and lunch. Once DD back at school I can adjust lunch as well.
The weight seemed a small price to pay for helping DD to get well but its depressing now. And physically I don't feel great.
Again once she is at school I can try some low impact workouts again (my knees are screwed so I can't do much more than that) again for now me exercising is too much of a trigger for her....

Lotts I'm not brave enough to tackle the scales I know I've put on loads of weight and lost all my fitness. This time last year I was walking every day but feel like odd be rubbing DDs nose in it if I was to do that now.

Lots I'm exactly the same, I reckon I'm probably over around 11stone now 😩 even when I was 9 months pregnant I never went above 10.5stone. I've gone up a dress size and am feeling not great about it tbh. That said I absolutely know any hint of restriction would be a massive trigger for dd so weight loss can wait.

Have given dd a plate of sweets for pudding tonight and she's doing brilliantly with it, sweets used to be her favourite treat pre ED so it's nice to see her eating them again.

[quote Rollergirl11]@EdwardTheBlueEngine your DD still only being 85% wfh with a 9kg weight increase doesn’t sound viable to me! Sounds like the psych just have fed some wrong numbers in somewhere along the line![/quote]
To be fair, DD1 needed 9kg to take her from 68% to 85% WFH, but in @EdwardTheBlueEngine's case the WFH is well out.

How's everyone doing?

Hope you've all managed to enjoy a bit of the BH at least...

We're okay, pottering on. We had an Indian take away Saturday night and dd did well, I ordered extra and we had left overs last night as well which gave the added bonus of not having to cook for two nights!!

I've put a banoffee pie together for pudding today, first time I've made one and am guessing it must be a squillion calories per slice 😳 😋

No progress with eating outside the 'allowed' times though...

Hey Girlfriend, that sounds amazing that your DD would eat an Indian takeaway! And Banoffee pie to boot!!

We are okay. Got back from Mallorca on Friday night. I weighed DD yesterday morning and was amazed to find that she had maintained her weight. So she’s still at 47kg (95% wfh). We can’t seem to get past this. Part of me wonders whether this is her natural weight and what her body seems to regulate to. So it seems almost counter-productive to push her past this. And to look
at her it it seems to be the ideal weight for her physically. But I know that she’s still not right mentally and still very much in ED territory so I know the consensus is that she needs to go higher.

DD’s next challenge is that it’s one of her best friends birthday coming up and they are going for dinner in an Italian restaurant on Saturday night. They have been asked to dress up for the occasion. DD doesn’t want to go as she’s stressed about eating in a restaurant with them all and also having to get dressed up. I have said that I think she really needs to try her hardest to go, even if it means that she doesn’t end up eating that much. I think it’s more important at this stage for her to tackle her social anxiety and start socialising with her friends again. She has pretty much kept herself hidden away this summer hols. She ate out in restaurants with us on holiday a few times but it’s a whole different ball game eating in front of a big group of girls, some of which know about her ED and some that don’t.

Brilliant news about the take away girlie Hope the banoffepie was a success...

roller welcome back from Mallorca - that is really good she's maintained but I know what you mean re head in ED territory... Re the meal with her friends... has she eaten outside the house with any of them up till now. If not, could she manage a snack with one of them? I know my DD was anxious about eating out with friends so one of her coping methods was just to order the same as someone else so she didn't need to choose anything. Said friend was trusted and knew what was happening so took it in her stride. A couple of DD's friends have told her to 'just eat it' when she was wavering - somehow it coming from a best friend is easier...

Still tough here, and not helped by DD's boyfriend going all quiet on her. Am hoping its nothing but DD is a) annoyed and b) worried that is her worst nightmare coming true (she avoids sadness and sadness avoidance manifests in anxiety which leads to increased ED behaviour). She was sad because she felt no-one liked her and she was an odd one out amongst friendship group in not having a boyfriend. Now she's worried that she's shown her vulnerability to someone and it leads her to getting hurt... Gah....navigating relationships with an ED is tricky as hell...

Hello all, yes my daughter was with an ED team with Cahms. I am not familiar with WFH but just quickly googling it now I don't think she is at a low weight so possibley a different ssituation to many of you. She is 52 kg but was 69 kg when her behaviour really changed. She basically lost 2 stone in as many months and went from a size 14 to an 8. She would only eat once a day at a particular time and a particular meal of approx 300 cals. She was also very depressed and anxious, had stopped going to school and would sleep all day to avoid hunger. She was also exercising at night when she thought no one would know. Cahms have done good work with her mood and anxiety and supported an application for a hospital education as she was in GCSE year (small online to tutoring through the LA) but it seems like they have given up with the food. My Gp has referred her back as we are trying to access anti depressants for her. Her consultant psychiatrist recommended them before but she would take them because she didn't "want to put on weight" At her last review she asked for them (She is starting 6th form college in Sep and had discussed starting them before college as far back as the spring ) but as they couldn't discharge her with a current script they said to get them from her GP. Her GP has said she has to be with Cahms for a script so here we are, 2 days before college and her anxiety is huge. She has added to what she will eat and has meeting up with friends so eating a little socially, which is fantastic, but still very restrictive and low cal.

*@blueskydays50 was asking re this thread, hoping I've tagged her!
*

Professional ping pong is so frustrating @Yolandapanda. I hope your DD finds college better than she expects.

We're still plugging on. DD1 has an ARFID assessment tomorrow, although the paed who specialises in it has said to me that the fact she responded to olanzapine means it's not ARFID. She has her final ASD assessment on Friday. Still maintaining at 54.1kg.

I was going to pop on and ask when the assessment was Lougle - I hope it goes ok

yolanda - sounds like you're caught in a Dante-esqe circle of hell... I hope someone just writes the damn script..

Hi All, I hope you are all having at least a few positive moments in your day. I've been lurking but too busy to post anything recently.
DD is doing well but we have the 'end of holidays' boredom firmly set in. It's tough though as I can't say or do anything right but equally if I leave her to her own devices too long she undoubtedly gets upset or down (social media!! & unrealistic expectations).

We heard this song on the radio the other day, I really do think it sums up a lot of what our DD's are feeling and how tough it is for teens and the impact of social media (though I'm sure its not written to reflect that).

Did the boyfriend respond in the end Myrtle?

Hope the assessments go okay lougle.

My dd was still very unwell at that weight Yolanda, she's 57kgs now and still struggling with some anorexic thoughts and behaviours 😕 are you doing FBT?

Not too much to report here, plodding on in Groundhog Day really! Dds had a few nice things on this week so her moods not too bad which is good.

I'm counting down the days until school starts back tbh, im so tired trying to juggle everything and am not able to concentrate at work at all.

I'm sorry things are difficult with the boyfriend, Myrtle. I'd hate to be young again.

DD1 was a nightmare quite uncooperative at the ARFID assessment. A combination of saying 'don't know' to everything, jumping up to fix little issues like a loose screw, turning on a light, several trips to the bin, etc., and saying 'do we go home now?' after every question.

Upshot is that they don't think she has ARFID, but has a general disininterest in food plus some sensory sensitivities, and she reacts to being emotional by not eating.

Hi everyone, I was wondering what you all did about school for your DC? What wfh did they attend school? I’ve been told by the ED nurse 85% wfh and then only part time.

Is this negotiable if her physicals are ok do you think?
Any advice hugely appreciated.
DD not going back to school tomorrow and is devastated. She has a weigh in on Monday but at last check she was 82%.
Thanks all. X

DD1 was told part time and no PE at 80% and full time and no PE at 85%. She actually went part time until she was 93% ish because she just wasn't ready. One of the factors is whether they'll cope with eating at school.

I think it really depends on how well they're doing overall, are they eating 3 plus 3, are they physically stable and are they gaining weight?

If the answers are yes then definitely school should be considered, you will need to discuss with the school to see what supervision they can put in place as well.

Funny sort of day here, dd went out to a local seaside town for the day with a friend. She had a good time by all accounts.

She talked this evening about how she navigated lunch, she had a veggie burger and then her friend offered her some chips so she had some of them. She said she felt guilty but once she started eating them she couldn't stop which scared her a bit.

She talked a bit about her body and liking being thin, that being thin is part of her identity now 😕 she compared her body to her friends and said something about her body being better than her friends (perfectly normal) body.

I really struggled to know what to say to her tbh, I don't want to shut the conversation down but at the same time feel like screaming!!

She still says she doesn't want to get better, she likes the routine she's in....

The only small bit of solace was she did admit she was a bit too thin when this all started 🙄

I pointed out to her that it must be exhausting having so many thoughts around food and exercise in her head all day and she said 'I'm used to it' 😞

Thank you both for the advice.
She’s eating reasonably well, three meals and three snacks but I’m guessing we need to up the portion size and the variety of what’s she’s eating. Physicals are always within the normal range but on the low side, although improving. Next check is on Monday at the ED clinic so I will see what the outcome of those are and possibly try and negotiate.
School are calling me today to discuss.

I do actually think she would eat in school with supervision. She loves school and is so sad at having to miss it.

Will feed her up and make sure she rests over the weekend ready for Monday.
We’ve had a holiday for a week and although the meal plan didn’t go 100% on track, seeing her laugh and smile again was lovely. Just hope it hasn’t had too much of an impact.

@Bettybarkalot123 DD was allowed back to school at 85% wfh full time but no PE. School were not able to offer any supervision for DD’s lunch time but we had an arrangement that DD could go to a staff office at morning break and FaceTime me so I could watch her eat her snack. And she came out to my car at lunchtime and we ate lunch together in a nearby park. It did mean she was often late getting back for her lesson after lunch but it was arranged that there were to be no sanctions for DD if she was late. It actually worked quite well and meant DD could get back to school whilst I and the ED team were confident that she was keeping up 3 + 3. It was very disruptive for me of course and it helped immensely that we only live a 5 mins drive from school. Otherwise the logistics of it would have been a nightmare!

We had DD’s clinic appointment with her care-coordinator on Wednesday. Nothing new really. Her care-coordinator admitted that DD’s anxiety and low mood seems to have got worse in the last month and I have said that I think this is preventing DD from moving forward. But care-coordinator has said that after the next few sessions they are planning to discharge DD without a treatment review with the psych as we have already had that a few months ago (it was brought forward because I wanted DD to see the psychiatrist to discuss her low mood and they only offer access to the psychiatrist as part of the treatment review). They have made a referral to a partner for therapy but their waiting list is in excess of 16 weeks. Other than that there is nothing on the table! I really think that DD would benefit from some medication but the ED team are very obstructive regarding this for some reason. I have a feeling it’s purely because they have to get the psych involved and they would just rather discharge her now and her become someone else’s problem. The care-coordinator even said on Wednesday that we would need to go to the GP for medication and when I said that I was pretty sure that the GP would say that it would need to be CAMH’s/ED team as they are dealing with her eating disorder. She just gave a non-comittal answer and said she wasn’t sure.

I just feel so sad for DD. She is either immensely anxious or depressed. Since we got back from holiday last week she has barely found the motivation to get out of bed. She is terrified at the thought of meeting up with her friends and going back to school next week. She says that even getting herself up to brush her teeth takes immense effort. She’s just so low. Surely medication would help her with this? It’s not even really the food that is stressing her out now. It’s everything else. 😨