Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

I'd go to a&e darkblue and insist you need help xx

I agree with A&E. You need support.

Another one here agrees with A&E DarkBlueEyes.

What will A and E actually do though? She's not yet at a dangerous weight. I can't see that they'll do anything other than refer to CAMHS. And as we know that wasn't good.

Is she eating or drinking anything at all @DarkBlueEyes? Regardless of her weight, she's going to deteriorate quickly health wise if she's refusing anything at all

I'd lay it on thick. Say she's refusing to eat or drink and that you're worried about her mental state as well as your own.

A&E @DarkBlueEyes - she doesn't have to be at a dangerous weight to be in danger - her stats need to be taken, her bloods done. If she's refusing everything she'll be having a starvation like experience - her body will react.

@DarkBlueEyes go armed with the MARSIPAN checklist. They will take bloods, check her heart rate with an ECG. When I took DD to hospital they admitted her because her heart rate was very low and because she had been restricting to 500 calories or less for more than 2 days. It wasn’t the actual weight loss they were most concerned about.

Also I have just checked the post assessment documentation that I received from the Epsom CAMH’s team and they say to go to A&E if your child refuses to eat or drink anything for 24 hours.

The other thing is by going to A&E it sends a very clear message to your DD that you mean business and her not eating is dangerous and not acceptable.

Checklist

@DarkBlueEyes I’m sorry but I’m new to all of this, so can’t offer any advice. Going to A&E sounds sensible and reasonable to me.
Is there a cahms crisis number you could call for advice. It sounds like you’ve been left high and dry by them.
I’m thinking of you and your DD.

@DarkBlueEyes it's one of the most damaging myths of ED that you're only in danger if your weight is low. DD1 was 68% WFH. Her bloods were absolutely fine because her body had adapted to being at a low weight for a long time. She had stayed the same weight for 2 years, as she grew 8 cm. Her bloods only got deranged once she started eating more.

A child who loses weight rapidly can be in a dangerous situation, even if the starting weight is good, because the body doesn't do well with rapid shifts in composition.

@DarkBlueEyes how are you both now?

Hope you're okay dark agree with the others, if you can't get her to eat at home hospital has to be the plan B.

Dd is still restricting, I've told her she either has to increase what she eats or lose one of the two dog walks she does a day.

That went down well 🙄

Girlfriend I've got the same-apparently I can't use bribery! I'll think you'll find i can...

I’m at the end of my tether today. DD is refusing what we give her. We allowed her to go to her job yesterday, in fact we allowed her to stay longer on the condition that she ate.
I’m trying to keep calm but I just want to scream at her. Doesn’t she realise that all the things she loves are slipping away.
She’s in a state about the camhs assessment tomorrow and Tuesday.
We’re dut to go on holiday at the end of next week but I just don’t see how we can. It will be just a hideous week of watching her pick at tiny morsels for food.
I hate this so much.

I’ve had two weeks of work, but I don’t feel I can go back tomorrow.. I can think of nothing else.

I feel ill myself, sick and dizzy with anxiety all the time.

I'm getting fed up of DD1 throwing tantrums when she hears what dinner she's having. I dared to cook pork a couple of nights ago. World war 3 because she fancied scones with clotted cream

Betty get signed off work, I've had to do that twice once at the very beginning of refeeding for around 6 weeks and again during one of the lockdowns earlier this year. It's impossible to feed your child which is a 24/7 job and work as well. I might have to take a few weeks off again if dd doesn't improve...

It just feels like huge amounts of pressure on families! Our DC have mental illness and it seems as though it’s just down to us to fix them. I have two other children to think of.. life’s pretty bloody miserable for them at the moment.
I work from home, three days a week so in theory it’s double in terms of the refeeding but psychologically my heads all over the place.

Betty I feel the same too - constantly nauseous and shaking, I am so scared for her and for myself too as I know I can't sustain this.

DD had her second session with the therapist and it went well, she came home fizzing and perky. But it didn't last. I made pasta with meatballs. I gave her three meatballs and half a meatball was thrown on the floor immediately. I reckon she ate 1.5 meatballs and most of her pasta. She managed a brownie for pudding but I subsequently found big chunks of it under the cushions. God knows how she can do this with us watching her like a hawk.

This morning was a pot of yoghurt with 1.5tbsp granola. FFS. And she refused, started throwing. "I NOT EAT, I NOT EAT". I explained that she needed to eat to start training (this therapist is totally opposite to CAMHS and works with a PT to get them moving). DD really wants to train and knows she has to maintain in order to train. But she said she doesn't want to recover as it will mean gaining weight. She doesn't want to change, she wants to stay the same. Not changing is just not an option if she wants to be happy but she doesn't care.

Then the same old conversation about how she has no life, what's the point of feeling confident in her body if she never goes out, does stuff, doesn't go on holiday etc etc. Is it worth it? Apparently completely giving up her life and living in utter misery and making the whole family miserable and potentially losing her friends, yes, that's worth more than eating and gaining the 1 kilo she'd need to gain to be safe to fly.

There is no winning against that is there? I can't force feed her. DH and I have agreed we will give it until Thursday (three more intensive therapy sessions) and if she has lost weight we will take her to A and E.

Meantime I have emailed a psychiatrist that two friends recommended as it has been suggested that she might need sectioning or medication. I am also exploring respite care and private hospital treatment as I have another DD with mental health issues and I cannot let DD2 destroy us.

If anyone knows of any residential treatment facilities that would treat 14 year olds please can you post? I really don't want to go back to CAMHS as they wont' do anything different and it just hasn't worked for us.

I'm another one who'll have to give up work. We have a holiday booked in October and I think if we can find private care I'll have to cancel it and get a refund as we'll need the funds.

This is a long black tunnel and there is no light at the end of it. Just a f*cking big train coming straight at me.

@Bettybarkalot123 you are right, a lot of the work, stress and 'nursing' is placed on families. I found this alarming and devastating at first, I didn't know how I would cope trying to get DD to eat seemed impossible. But 1 short hospital stay and 8 months later she's almost at WR and she wants to get better. That doesn't mean its easy as she is very critical of herself and the voice is still strong. Life for the past year has been total rubbish, its like survival mode.

@DarkBlueEyes My DD went to hospital for a short stay via us taking her to A&E. She was completely unmanageable, the tantrums, the refusal to eat and the stress of the situation meant we had to take her. I did play up her mental state, they heard absolutely everything that was going on and while her heart rate was concerning in hospital it was equally her mental state that got her admitted (she was 73% wfh and she's also 14yrs).

I think without going via NHS you will find it near impossible to get a bed in a inpatient facility as NHS has pretty much used up all the beds. That was my finding when I searched. I have one thought though, i''ll pm you.

Her thoughts of no life etc are not uncommon and from what I can see they generally push people away as they feel that they are 'worthless and why would anyone want to spend time with them'. It's the ED grabbing a firmer hold by pushing away anyone who is a threat. As she gets better it will go. I would tell A&E about this too.

Some days I feel ok. I like having a plan, I feel comforted by being able to nurse my girl and feel like I can, at least do lots to help her get better. Even just doing things like making sure her room is clean and tidy and a calm relaxing place, keeping her warm and cosy and of course the feeling of relief when she eats a decent meal.

I guess some days it’s overwhelming and that’s ok.
I’ve started taking her phone off her if she doesn’t finish what’s on the plan, then she has to earn it back at the next meal or snack. She’s very compliant mostly, she just gets very down and depressed rather than angry.

Dark I would avoid any conversation when your dd should be eating, I try and 'grey wall' dd so just repeat the same mantra of 'keep going, one more mouth full' and then if she starts eating talk about anything other than food or the illness. It is pointless trying to rationalise it as they are just too unwell to be rational. If she chucks food on the floor, pick it up and replace. If you've found food hidden, sit her somewhere where you can check for hidden food afterwards. Life stops until she eats, no phone or going out etc.

You have to believe you can make her eat, even if you don't believe it fake it! The expectation is she will eat.

Disclaimer I haven't always followed my own advice lately hence why dd is trying her luck with restricting again.

@DarkBlueEyes as cruel as it sounds, sectioning could be the way to get things started again.
I'm so sorry you're all going through this - so so tough. I feel like we're have tough times here but at least dd is generally compliant and it's just the progress that is slow. Wanting to get better is a major hurdle in my opinion and until they accept this, the battle is worse.