Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

@DarkBlueEyes would it help to post what you are currently battling with your DD at the moment? Then maybe someone might have a suggestion or some experience that might help you? Personally this is where I have found this thread so invaluable, when someone objective can offer you an alternative idea that you never would have thought of yourself and it helps you immeasurably.

Dark it is unbelievably hard, easily the most difficult thing I've had to deal with in my life so far. Have you got any rl support? Can you outsource anything, a cleaner or gardener? Around Christmas time we had a major blip and I think I cried every day for 6 weeks 😢 All I can say is keep doing whatever you can to get the food in, food is medicine and your dd will come back to you.

I think the holidays aren't helping my dd, once again she has too much time on her hands and I'm trying to juggle work with being her carer. I had to leave her with a packlunch today and pray she ate it, I had no one to ask to sit with her and an unavoidable appointment with a patient at work. Think I might have to do the same on Friday, less than ideal but I am then off for two weeks - thank f*!!

First weight check in a month tomorrow...

I caught her singing 'I want to eat like normal people, I want to eat just like normal people do' Ystd 😁 this made me happy and has been the first hint that she wants to recover!!!

girlie thats brilliant re your DD & Common People! DD was asked on social media today about bloating in recovery & she gave the girl reassurance that it was normal but also told her not to not eat because of the bloating & associated discomfort. I was v proud.

Loving the re-working of Common People!

Ahhh that’s nice of your DD Myrtle. Does she have a recovery account?

DD found out today that one of the girls in her wider circle of friends has been referred to the same ED clinic as her for assessment. DD hasn’t told this girl about herself although DD thinks the girl has probably guessed. DD knew that this girl has had issues in the past. I think she’s feeling quite anxious about it and that it’s all a bit too close for comfort. Lots of potential for this girl to be triggering for DD and for it to add some toxic competitiveness.

Love that @Girliefriendlikespuppies . Genius. And also v good sign.
Lovely to hear how your DD is helping others @myrtleWilson .
Other skinny AN looking girls have been a mega trigger for my DD throughout @Rollergirl11 . It is a nightmare at her sixth form. Think her sixth form attracts a certain type of girl. We just keep repeating that we don't know what's going on in their lives. Let's hope they aren't very poorly. Etc. One girl often shares her awful stories and at one point I know DD was aiming to be as ill as her. Thank goodness that phase passed . I'm just hoping as her Brain matures she will realise the truly desirable bodies aren't ill looking. Let's hope the friend of your DD gets lots of help over the summer.

Hi all. Can I join the thread?
DD(13) has been battling an eating disorder for approx a month now. Been much worse since school broke up mid-July.
Her sports coach has been fantastic and a great support but made an appt with GP yesterday as ED is stronger willed than DD is.
GP weighed her and she’s 40kg and 153cm tall.
Been referred to CAHMS so I’m hoping not to wait to long to hear from someone.
I just feel helpless and can’t stop crying about it but at the same time keep life as normal as I can for my other DC.
Any advice is gratefully received.

Hi @SnitchyBitch, glad you have found us. My advice would be don't wait for CAMHS. They don't really do anything other than encourage a 3 meals, 3 snacks diet in the early stages anyway. Get as much high-density food into her as possible, using as much fat as possible. Double cream, eggs, cheese, oil, and butter are your biggest allies. In the early days it's hard to get big quantities of food in, so focus on making every bite count.

Hi @Lougle. Thanks so much for replying.
I’m trying to encourage DD to have some cheese (she does eat eggs luckily) but she’s just so fixated on which foods are ‘safe’ to eat and her portion sizes.
She’s promised me today that she’ll aim for 1000kcal which is double what she has been having for the past few weeks.
I know it’s not enough but she’s really resistant to change and I can see the thought of more food terrifies her. She won’t let me make any of her meals either which is hard to sneak in more calories.
It’s so frustrating isn’t it .

@SnitchyBitch Hi, I’m new to this too. My DD is 15. I would say to just take it one day at a time, allow yourself to cry but when you’re alone if possible. Don’t think too far ahead.
We have been referred to Cahms and have also started family based therapy with a private clinical psychologist who specialises in ED. DD has a meal plan prescription, she must eat three meals and three snacks per day, non negotiable, of our choice from the meal plan. The primary aim is weight restoration, as I understand it there are three phases, the first being weight restoration. DD also has two fortisip drinks each day.

We have arranged weekly appointments with our surgery nurse for DDs physicals to be monitored, weight, temp, pulse, blood pressure, pulse and weekly blood tests. This afternoon is our first weigh in since following the meal plan. I’m very anxious. DD is terrified of gaining weight, but we’ve explained that she can’t get better until she regains the weight she’s lost.

She’s given her anorexia a name and we talk about it separately from DD.. if that makes sense! So it’s not her it’s her AN!

I hope this helps and there are so many on here who will give great advice. I’m still learning and it’s all very new and scary.

You can make subtle changes. For instance, a hen's egg is 70 calories, but a duck egg is 130 calories. It would still be 'one egg'.

If your DD has only been having 500 calories, then she will probably need blood tests to check her electrolytes.

My favourite food to make DD1 was pancakes. They look so boring but I was able to get 1500 calories in a portion. You could make them savoury and put an egg on top.

I understand that you have to take control of her meals, she shouldn’t have a say in what she eats, my daughter no longer comes food shopping with us and she is presented with a meal prepared by me or her dad. Try distracting her at meal times by letting her eat whilst watching tv.

It’s getting harder but I think this is because the feeding is working, the AN is losing its grip, she realises she’s losing control. Encourage her and let her cry. It will be tough.

There’s an Eva Musby book which I highly recommend.

Hi @SnitchyBitch welcome to the thread. There's loads of great advice on here any time of day or night.

I agree with others you need to take control of food - DD should not be making her own food any more.

Lougle is right too if she's been eating at 500cals you'll need to get her bloods checked. A sudden increase in food from a very low base can cause problems (it is referred to as re-feeding syndrome - lots of us on here have experience of it so do feel free to ask).

Also at 500 calories a day she should be on bed rest (from a medical perspective)- which I know is difficult to achieve but I'm sharing not to alarm you but I found my DD would accept things from a Dr/Nurse/Medical professional that she wouldn't accept from me. So phrasing it as "at 500 calories a day a Dr would insist you were on bedrest' may have a different impact if that makes sense?

@Bettybarkalot123 I hope the weigh in goes well. It was always the most anxious day in our household. There were times, I hate to admit it, that I was hoping for a stable week or a very small gain because I knew what would come if she'd gained significantly - which went against everything I rationally knew, but as we know ED induce irrational behaviour and thinking in our DC & sometimes in us too.

@myrtleWilson. I would add that too, my DD was told absolutely no exercise, she must rest, she must keep warm.
You mention her sports coach. Sport must stop if she’s eating so little. Make an appointment to get her bloods checked.

@myrtleWilson thank you. She’s very scared, very down and trying desperately to regain control. She almost pushed me out of the way in an effort to make her weetabix just the way she likes it. I stood firm, made her sit down and eat. Up until today, she’s been pretty compliant. It’s sooooo hard! I’m not religious but I’m praying for a gain this afternoon.

Hi all,

My DD has now been through assessment and they are accepting her into the service.

She's been pretty compliant with eating so far. She has a meltdown with each change and then seems to get on with with it. I reckon we are around 1600 a day now, but she is still exercise obsessed.

My question is, how usual is it to be fairly compliant with eating? I'm assuming it'll be harder as I up the quantity.

Kind of feeling a fraud as she is eating, if that makes sense. She hasn't gained in the last 2 weeks though, cos she sneakily find any moment I'm distracted to exercise.

Sorry, we are around 1800 a day. Obviously, it's going to need to be much more to gain.

@Bettybarkalot123 DD1 was hospitalised at 68% and used a wheelchair with bed rest until she was 80%. Every calorie is crucial at your stage and it all needs to go on weight gain and body repair.

My DD is currently at 81.25 % wfh. We thought it was lower but we now have accurate height from the GP.

Thanks for all your kind words.
Dr said she will definitely need to go back for bloods soon.
She’s not doing very much at all during the day, at the moment the threat of losing the sport she loves is the only thing keeping her eating and motivating her to get better.
Her coach has experience of helping a couple of other girls through the same and he is very aware of what’s going on and what she needs to do and has spelt it out to her very bluntly.
She’s been trying to slowly increase her calories and having oats and eggs but today is the first day we’re aiming for a target so hopefully it will go well.
My heart goes out to you hearing all your stories and shocks me how many of us are in this position.
Also, sorry but what does WFH mean?

@Bettybarkalot123 How did your GP measure her height? Ours had a thing fixed to the wall that he pulled down but it must be fixed to the wall at the wrong height as the GP measured him 3cm shorter than he actually is. Another reason why GP said he was healthy weight. I think the height measures that are free standing with a base are more accurate.

We went to CAMHS again this morning and he gained 1.5kg since 4 weeks ago. He also gained height though. He’s now 166.6cm and 42.5kg.

@Lougle I think I’ll start getting duck eggs! DS likes eggs but thinks one egg is all a person needs.

Doh wrong name! Should be NelleBee 🤦🏻‍♀️

That's a great gain @NelleBee! Well done.

DD1 is still weight restored but her energy levels are still so low. I took her to a climbing place at her request last week - she lasted 5 minutes then we had to leave. Today I took her to a soft play and she didn't even last 5 minutes. She looked exhausted and said it was too noisy.

@Mogtheanxiouscat

Hi all,

My DD has now been through assessment and they are accepting her into the service.

She's been pretty compliant with eating so far. She has a meltdown with each change and then seems to get on with with it. I reckon we are around 1600 a day now, but she is still exercise obsessed.

My question is, how usual is it to be fairly compliant with eating? I'm assuming it'll be harder as I up the quantity.

Kind of feeling a fraud as she is eating, if that makes sense. She hasn't gained in the last 2 weeks though, cos she sneakily find any moment I'm distracted to exercise.

Hi dont feel a fraud. My DD was mostly food compliant on the plan (but nothing more ever). But she was an exercise compulsive too. The secret exercise gives them 'permission' to eat by the ED voice. So if you clamp down on the exercise the food will prob get harder. That what we found. The behaviours you describe are completely in the ED range.

Oh and she wont gain on 1800 a day if shes exercising. It took 3300 to get me DD gaining.... but if she has stopped losing that's great progress and you need c 500kcals a day in excess of cals need to stability to gain 0.5kg a week. 100 kclas a day for 1kg a week. So if the exercise it is much harder to get the weight on. But if she is coming with eating keep increasing.