Teen Eating Disorders Thread 4

[SoTiredNeedHoliday]

Starting a new thread, no 3 is full

@myrtleWilson dd also has a job. Great for her mental health but it does mean she's more active than I would like.

Who's having difficulty with food atm? I would so love to just have salad but totally not allowed for dd. It's too hot to cook!

Cheers, all. Bit of a classic 'spoke too soon' moment this evening, though. Thanks to a fuck up on the afternoon snack front, plus a late dinner (due to absolutely being Too Hot to cook!), DD ended up having a tearful meltdown at bedtime. Got her back downstairs for a glass of milk and she calmed down eventually, but not a great end to the day. Ho hum, we'll do better tomorrow.

Have realised how noticeable it is now when she hasn't had enough to eat. Thankfully nothing like violent outbursts so far, just heart-wrenching fits of sobbing and unreasonableness.

@myrtleWilson Horrible for your DD to have to deal with that, but great that she reported it and got the right response from the charity.

@myrtleWilson gosh what a horrible situation. Well don’t to the charity for taking such swift action. How is your Dd feeling over it?
@ItRainedForever I guess they are so hungry delays to meals etc don’t really pan out all that well….it’s like having a toddler back and forgetting snacks and ending up with a meltdown. I also think the rigid structure gives them something to cling to…. Our key worker says a lot about ‘containing’ the illness which they meal plans, structure and regular food administered with compassions but determination achieves.
It’s bloody, very restricting to normal life, does not allow for a whole lot of respite and v boring.
@Valleyofthedollymix I am as shocked as you. But so relieved. It shows she can do it. And that I can back off a bit and work on our other issues such as eating out etc.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge really hit the nail on the head - it is stressful, traumatic, harrowing to help a child through this but most of all, every day, every minute, it's BORING. The boring days are the good days, but they're still boring. It takes over everything.

Hi all quick late sign in.

Myrtle that's so grim honestly what's the matter with these men?! I was pissed off today as a boy in my dds drama class, who has been a complete pain for ages, made her cry (told her she didn't deserve to be alive 🤬) and the teachers response was 'oh he probably fancies you' wtaf!! That's brilliant your dd has got herself a job - well done to her.

Lots that's great your dd is managing so well 👏🏻 I hope you're feeling a bit better?

Valley I find it quite suffocating at times how dependent dd is on me, she is still completely reliant on me to prepare and dish up the food. All the planning, preparing, cooking and 99.9% of the clearing up is also me 😫

Rained it sounds like you're doing great, don't feel bad. I'd play the exercise by ear, I never completely stopped all dds exercise as the daily walks generally have been a good distraction for her (not always some have been a nightmare but the majority have been fine!)

I've just wound myself up reading a fb thread posted in the family lockdown ideas page. A mum had posted for ideas on high calorie meals for her teen dd with an ED. Some responses left me slack jawed, one suggestion (I kid you not) was to send her to slimming world!!! Lots of other responses were include her in meal preparation and cooking, don't watch her eat, don't hide calories, give her , etc etc.

I was shocked at how clueless people are.

Hi everyone, I hope you are all ok. I’ve not been on the thread for a couple of weeks - got an exam next week so I’m very focused on study (or at least I am when I’m not focused on worrying about failing).

I could really do with some advice. When we were at CAMHS a few weeks back DS said he wasn’t trying to lose weight deliberately he just had no interest in food. So they said he doesn’t have an ED it’s more just a lack of appetite. DS told CAMHS he wanted to be healthy and he understood he was too thin.

He researched high protein foods as his surgeon told him he needs much more protein in his diet. Everything was going well, much more food being eaten. Yesterday afternoon we weighed him and he has gained 2kg so he’s up to 42kg. Since then he’s not eaten. Refused his dinner last night, got very sweary said he’d eaten too much lately. Do you think it’s a coincidence or do you think maybe he is not being truthful about not wanting to be thin deliberately? It’s just starting to seem like every time we are successful in gaining weight he then stops eating again.

Absolutely needs to be blind weighed nelle I had exactly the same with dd. She gained and lost the same couple of kgs for ages, we only made progress once she didn't know her weight.

It sounds very much like a fear of weight gain.

Yes agree, it's taken us far too long to realise that blind weighing is essential. It's perfectly possible for your DS to both know that he's too thin but also fear weight gain.

Thank you. I’ll make sure I blind weigh him in future. Hopefully he won’t kick off about it. Do I just stand him backwards on the scales?

Should I ask my mum to hide her scales? It came out at CAMHS that he weighs himself every time he goes to her house. The scales are out in the bathroom.

He might absolutely be telling the truth, NelleBee, because he might not be recognising that he has a worry about gaining weight. I think when they are so thin for so long, it feels 'wrong' when they gain. It doesn't really matter at this stage why he's so thin - you know he needs more weight. Blind weighing is a really good idea.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I don’t think he always does recognise his own feelings and emotions. His weight gets commented on a fair bit by people out and about, perhaps being thin is like part of his identity. He was stood at the mirror for ages earlier and commenting on how thin his arms are. I couldn’t work out if he was pleased about it or not, his tone of voice was almost proud. It’s all so complicated and confusing.

Hello everyone just checking in.
Life is a lot calmer for us at the moment. After Dd (17) rapid weight regain she's got a lot of her old life back and lots of freedom again. It's hard letting go though, and I think me and DH struggling. The first half of year was so traumatic think we need months/years to recover!
Dd has finally started the therapy and I hope that gives her space to deal with the issues she still has and unpack what happened. After family therapy this is also odd for us (she's alone for it) but 100% what I know is right. She's nearly an adult and needs to know how to live a full healthy life for herself.
I hope you are all having decent weekends. I imagine it's a mixed bag for all. The ED is never far away is it.

Good luck for the exam @NelleBee , you are amazing to fit study in with this.
@myrtleWilson , I'm sorry DD faced that icky situation. It so sad that the young women we are raising have to learn how to dodge these creeps so young. Life skills, sadly.
Hope the holidays are going well, @Valleyofthedollymix . I'm still unsure if we leave for ours in 12 days....

Hello everyone, please can I join in on this thread? thank you @Valleyofthedollymix for pointing me in this direction.

I have a 13yo DD who was diagnosed with anorexia in May (a very long struggle to get a referral).

Every day is a struggle and I have done a separate post (don't want to bore you with it all again here).

Does anyone else feel they just can't see an end to this? I really think she'd just starve herself to death if we weren't making her eat. Not sure if I am strong enough to be honest.

Anyway I hope to pick up lots of tips from you all.

Hey everyone, quick check-in for me. It’s been quite a busy week full of milestones for DD. It was the school sports day on Tuesday and although DD wasn’t participating she went along for support. She had to wear her PE kit (which she hasn’t worn since April) and she was anxious about going but actually enjoyed the day. Then she had her school academic achievement awards evening where she was given an award for outstanding achievement in English lit. Then on Thursday she had a friend come over after school and she stayed for dinner and that was the first time DD has eaten a main meal in front of anyone other than us. Then finally on Friday school finished at midday and she went with a big group of friends to the river where they swam and sunbathed and were all in their bikinis. DD wore a tshirt over her bikini but she was so anxious (had a panic attack about it that morning) about going and I am so proud that she even went.

Yesterday was weigh-in day but she hasn’t gained anything since last week (got to pre ED weight). I was a little bit suspicious as she has had consistent weight gain every week for the past 6 weeks or so and we haven’t done anything different this week. I thought it seemed highly coincidental that just as she gets to her pre ED weight that she stalls for a week. But then she got her period back today so I can only assume that is why she hasn’t gained this week? Does that seem likely? I am sooo relieved. But more importantly I think DD is too. She made a light-hearted joke that now she’s just waiting for her boobs to come back. So all in all I think DD has made amazing progress this week and more than ever before I can see a little glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Still a long way to go but we are slowly but surely getting there. 🤪🙏💪💪

Fabulous news roller I can't wait for dd to have periods again - and I can't believe I would have ever said that!! She has got a little shape back round her chest so going in the right direction.

That sounds like great glimmers of hope @Rollergirl11 . And hurrah for period. I'm hoping DD isn't too far away now.
Sorry you find yourself here @DarkBlueEyes , it is a desperate journey. Then suddenly a few weeks will go by and you realise it has gotten a little better. We languished for months in lowest pit of ED and I was utterly beside myself feeling like I was saving DD life every day.
Keep faith it will get better one day hopefully soon. This group is an amazing source of strength.

Well done @Rollergirl11!

@DarkBlueEyes I hope this thread helps you the way it has me.

DD1 is doing ok. She had a 400g loss this week, first time since Olanzapine started, and her BP dropped on standing during obs, but she had been really busy this week at school and on one day she was dancing all day. Plus it was different scales and she wasn't drinking well. Overall, the psych wasn't too concerned, as she's still in the target range.

We've reduced her Olanzapine to ½mg twice per day, then after 2 weeks, we'll try ½mg once per day, then stop 2 weeks later, all presuming no decline.

I do need to tell the psychiatrist that DD1 is struggling with sleep again now, though. She was on melatonin for years, then it was suspended while the Olanzapine was making her sleepy.

Nelle Yes to hiding scales, I make sure all scales are gone whenever we go anywhere!

Welcome dark it is an awful journey but keep going, keep feeding, your dd is in there and will come back to you.

Lougle is your dd still eating okay? That's great her energy levels have been better.

We had a busy wend, we drove up North to a cousins wedding (we live in the south.) Dd coped okay with being cooped up in the car for 5-6 hours, she managed dinner out and all the socialising that goes with a wedding.

She also navigated the hotel breakfast buffet, she didn't have a cooked breakfast but did have a croissant and a bowl of granola which I was happy with. First non porridge breakfast in months!

All in all was a good wend and dd did well.

Well done @Girliefriendlikespuppies - it's great to have moments of success, isn't it?

I spoke too soon about DD1, I think. We halved her Olanzapine on 21/07/21 and today she's just refused breakfast altogether. I'll persevere but if she's going to do this I'll have to contact the psychiatrist and talk about increasing it again.

Hi I’m new here and was wondering how the hell do I help my child?. They genuinely will not eat unless it’s pre packaged or weighed out and it’s driving me crazy because it means she will watch everything I cook etc or make it herself (me watching of course). If I don’t let her weigh or buy her safe foods (mostly pre packaged such as porridge, fish dinner etc) she won’t eat it. So do I carry on letting her weigh out things or do I take full control but I’m so scared she won’t eat a thing if I do that.

Hi all. Have just discovered this thread and read right through it.
DD 15 has had anorexic difficulties fo a year now. She has been seeing someone from the eating disorder service at CAMHS for all of that time. She isn’t bulimic and is fairly consistent in her eating habits. She doesn’t try to exercise the weight off as she is confident that her system of calorie counting works for her. She has recently been assessed for autism there and may or may not get a diagnosis for that soon.

I have found, as you’d expect, trying to support her and help her gain weight really, really tough. Added to the mix is that I’m having chemotherapy for breast cancer and will need mastectomy and more treatment so need to care for myself. Her personality and ED don’t always make for a sympathetic daughter. DP understands her issues in the abstract and he discusses them thoughtfully on the occasional CAMHS meetings he does, but in reality he doesn’t really know that we need to be supervising/making meals and ensuring snacks are eaten. He is largely oblivious unless my instructions to him are very concrete.

I have a few frustrations that I’d love some input about:

@Valleyofthedollymix - you mentioned that CAMHS won’t provide therapeutic input until your daughter is weight restored. We are in the same position. I feel as if we’ve had a year of Groundhog Days. She is weighed there (not blind) and the same old trite conversations. I don’t think the worker remembers previous conversations so says the whole same thing again. They’ve now brought in a family therapist to the meetings. She at least can remember what was said last time. I would be interested to hear how your daughter’s private support works out.

I’m not finding it possible to fully take control of dd’s eating myself for a number of reasons: she has ARFID type difficulties so the types of foods you’d typically give to restore weight would not be accepted by her. There’s not a chance she’d drink a smoothie or a milk shake. Since before her ED developed, she enjoyed her independence making her own meals. She would be in an immense amount to of distress if she couldn’t see and control exactly what was going on to her plate. I am aware that support for EDs with children who have autism/traits needs to be tailored to their needs but CAMHS don’t seem to have a line on this. One minute they’ll tell me that ED support is the same for all children and they don’t differentiate for autism. The next minute they are placing less expectation on her to eat a lot because it’s a fine line with her. I really would like more definitive guidance from people who understand her.

Thanks for reading all.

@QuestionsAndAnswers123Answers123 x I have exactly the same. CAMHS would say no weighing food and you take control. But with a child so tenacious about controlling food it’s really hard to know what to do for the best. I’d also like to know what parents think about this.

@Lunificent, @DarkBlueEyes and @QuestionsAndAnswers123, welcome word to this board and really sorry you've had to find yourself here.

I remember really clearly being a newcomer and I can't believe that near seven months, I'm still here and as of the end-of-term's hunger strike, DD is exactly the same weight now with more entrenched disordered thinking.

FYI - DD is 14, put on weight in first lockdown, dieted to lose it and then some, diagnosed in January, and has been gaining and losing the same 4 kilos ever since. We're now trying out a ruinously expensive private clinic as we didn't feel that we were getting anywhere with the NHS.

Her period returned at less than 80% WFH and her bloods/heart rate etc always come up normal (even at 75%) so I think she's someone how can be relatively physically healthy at a very low weight (mentally is a different matter). She's horror thin though - just come back from a holiday and I recoiled at her body in a bikini.

@Lunificent your NHS groundhog days really resonated. The therapist and nurse were lovely and we were lucky to get help so quickly, but it felt so wishy-washy and directionless. At the private clinic, she's having therapy for anxiety as well as group therapy and I really hope it makes a difference. The biggest advantage, so far, was her having a one-hour session on her own with a nutritionist (and ex anorexic, I find from google stalking) who did a very bespoke meal plan with her input.

WAs your description of your DD as not always 'sympathetic' a euphemism? My dd can be lovely, funny, smart and quirky. But at the moment she can also be absolutely vile. Constantly telling me to f**k off, I'm 'obsessed' with food etc.

Really sorry you're having to deal with your cancer at the same time as all this.

@DarkBlueEyes maybe cut and paste your specific question about the shake from your other message as someone here might be able to help. Generally the others on this board seem much better than I am at getting the calories in.

To all of you, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it feels like it will never end. However, I collect stories of recovery from middle-aged women and most do recover, eventually. I've got friends whose parents did nothing to help, who got down to 5 stone, who had strangers come up and beg them to get help. And yet they've gone onto to have normal lives and children.

@valleyofthedollymix- how did you go about finding private support? Google or recommendation? Yes a sort of euphemism - dd. Can sometimes come across as vile - luckily I take it fairly well unless I’m the weather.