teen eating issues support thread

[myrtleWilson]

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

That's a shame she was sick day it sounds like that just ramped up the anxiety. Can you explain that sometimes feeling anxious can make you sick but it's definitely not a sign there is anything wrong with the food plan? Although I expect it all falls on deaf ears!!

Dd said she felt sick Ystd but I think she was hungry, I often feel sick if I go too long without food. She did quite a lot of exercise Ystd as well as we've started a dog agility class, she loves it (as does the dog) but it does involve a lot of running around 😕

Oh and I just thought did you tell dd it was a reward day? I think EM warns against rewarding eating well as it tends to encourage the anorexia to punish them in some way (throwing up?)

It's so hard not to reward or tell them they've done well though when they do eat okay!!

Yes, agree that you have to stay tight-lipped about praising or rewarding their efforts but it's SO HARD

I keep telling myself that dd's reward for eating well is that she gets to go back to school and socialise outside the house with her friends - this is what's motivating her to do well at the moment, and I'm not about to do anything to rock the boat

I tend to be super-lavish about praising her in other areas to compensate eg she had a good interim school report this week

It really is such a roller-coaster, though and, in the words of John Cleese's character in 'Clockwise' - 'I can take the despair - it's the hope I can't stand'

Here's hoping all our downs turn into ups (and stay there)

am sorry to read of difficult times for posters - I hope there is some comfort to be found in talking with others who know exactly what you're going through (this is one of the aspects of the illness that has struck me - I'm now so aware that my knowledge/insight into eating disorders was really on surface level).

Hope too that posters who aren't around at the moment are doing okay....

Eating disorder team were as good as useless. I’m so angry.

They are still giving zero strategies other than to sit with her. I said we were, for hours. One had said to keep her off certain sites and to be tough, that taking her phone was sensible. The lady I spoke to today said taking her phone would just upset her.

When I asked for strategies we were recommended yet another book. We’re up to £30 worth now. I don’t have time to wade through chapters of books. What happens to parents who can’t afford them?I just want a sheet with strategies. Pretty appalled that nobody has taken the time out to draw one up. Do teams in other areas provide literature to help?

Then we get to the fact that since Friday we can barely get 200 calories into her. That is apparently ok as she built up reserves last week when she followed the plan. She was in hospital for messing around like that less than 3 weeks ago.😡 The lady I spoke to said that she can clearly eat due to last week so she’s not sure she’s got an eating disorder. Why the hell were we told she has an ED then and told to keep her off school by the same team!!!!!

The support is shit.

Oh and apparently if we sit long enough she’ll eat.

God polar that is shit 😠 Camhs have been useful for us as well, I've been really disappointed. Like you said some basic fact sheets about do's and don'ts surely is not too much to ask for!!

Have you got the Eva Musby book? I didn't read it front to back just went straight to the chapters on what to say to get dd to eat!!

The FEAST website is worth posting on as well as they have trained moderators who give out excellent advice.

Her knees really hurt, any idea what that can be?

Polar is she exercising?

Dd complained constantly of aching knees (and legs in general) back in the summer when she was furtively exercising every spare second

Ugh just back from weight clinic and dd has lost 0.4kgs again 🙁 it's so disheartening.

I need a plan for after half term with school and food supervision as I'm sure that's where she is missing food.

oh @DayB1Day - is she being admitted back to the HDU or another ward? I hope she's able to be better supported both in admission and on discharge. How are you feeling - do feel free to scream and rant on the thread if that helps at all....

I have some fact sheets that I'd be happy to take photos of and post on the thread if thats any use (haven't ever saved a photo from on here and printed it out so no idea if quality is any good...)

Girlie - will you be able to speak with the school before half term?

We've been up & down (same as it ever was) -DD spoke yesterday about being scared and feeling like she wasn't in control of it and we ended up crying together today. I tried to explain to her that the feeling of being scared was a notion buried deep down inside her that things were dangerous but the illness doesn't want her to acknowledge that but distract her from the danger... I ended up describing it as she's in quicksand and can't look down to see how much she's already been pulled under whereas we (family etc) are on the side and can see how close the quicksand is to her chin. I think it made sense at the time but whether she can hold onto that explanation of her perceived lack of danger v actual danger.

CAMHS for us on Friday - I feel lucky although very sad that the experience we've had appears at odds to so many on this thread

So sorry to hear about the hard times people are going through

Dd is in an absolute rage - I can hear her thumping and screaming in her room as I type - because she just won't accept that she can't spend half term running around with her friends

I thought she'd got it during today's video session when she was told that she could either rest here at home or in hospital, but hours later she's worked herself up into a frenzy

Her brain just won't let her understand that she isn't fine, a long way off it

But her eating is OK at the moment, and I'm clinging to that

Hope all goes well for your dd in hospital, DayB1 - and the support improves

Oh God Day so frustrating they wouldn't help earlier.

Dd had a video appointment with her Camhs person this morning and he now wants to talk to me. Dd opened up a bit about how she is feeling, good that she opened up but she has admitted feeling suicidal 😥 not sure if that will change anything in terms of the support she's getting though?

I just told her she has to hold onto the belief that she won't always feel like this...

My dad had a heart attack last week and is still in hospital awaiting bypass surgery now, this year has been unbelievably shit.

Girliefriend, how awful for you, I hope your dad gets through and feels better soon You must be in a blur of stress

When dd1 had her ED she also mentioned suicidal thoughts She was told the ED had to be dealt with as a priority, as until her brain was out of starvation mode, there was no point doing any depression-related CAMHS work I see that, but it is difficult and frightening

She is over the ED now and seeing CAMHS She still has some self-harm related thoughts but they are to do with her Asperger's and related anxieties and would have happened with or without the ED, I think

to you and everyone

I have to say, if someone had told me I'd have one child with anorexia, another with persistent MH issues, and a pandemic (and menopause) on top, and still be managing to get through the day, I'd have struggled to believe it But here I am, and here we are

It's so interesting that a lot of our girls are on the spectrum, we're on the pathway to a diagnosis but everything has been delayed due to CV or the ED!

I had a good chat with dds Camhs worker today, he's going to refer her to the psychiatrist for an assessment. I think it's all linked to the ED but with ASD and OCD thrown into the mix as well!!

She's still eating well for me and seems a bit more relaxed so am holding onto that.

They I think I've been surprised at my resilience this year, I've had my moments but I'm just about holding it together.

Day I'm sorry your dd is in hospital, hopefully in the long run it will really help her though. I wouldn't even think about school or exams, she needs to get well first.

Oh God Day that sounds miserable, I think I've heard of the food rejection/vomiting thing happening after periods of starvation 🙁 sounds like she's definitely in the right place bless her.

We're okay ish , had to have dds hamster put down today and that caused dd to have a huge meltdown. She locked herself in the bathroom and after ystds chat with camhs I was worried she would hurt herself 🙁 She eventually came out and has calmed down now.

She's refused her evening snack and I'm not sure how much to push it...