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teen eating issues support thread

999 replies

myrtleWilson · 06/09/2020 22:30

Hello,
would anyone be interested in joining a thread to support each other as we support teens with eating disorders @MNHQ - I'm tagging you in as am conscious of triggering issues and wanted your ok/ground rules to such a thread..

Happy to share our story with DD if others would feel it is helpful...

OP posts:
Lottsbiffandsmudge · 18/01/2021 20:36

Hi all not posted for a while. After gaining last week (to Tues) and having a reasonable week the week since has been v challenging. The ED has got stronger and the voice in her head never lets up. On Fri DD put a hole through her wall with her foot. And the whole day was one long round of hysteria.
The weekend was OK but today has been tough again. She took her meds too late last eve so felt groggy this am and so kicked off big style and I have ended up not being able to work at all. She missed first lesson and then I had to sit with her all day. And also go with her to the local field at lunch for her permitted exercise. Which she of course would not leave on time making her late for afternoon lessons....
She is now with her dad giving me a chance for a shower and to catch my breath.
Some days are really bad... weigh in tomorrow morning but DD did so much exercise last week that we are not hopeful.
On the plus side she has done NO extra secret exercise today which is a first. Although it’s taken up my whole day.
Welcome Valley sorry to meet you here. End of Feb sound s along way away. Do you have crisis numbers in case? I used the team between starting to try to get more food in her and her initial assessment and they were a help to me with some good suggestions to help me manage the wait. That was the hardest bit tbh as I was not sure what to do.
In terms of therapy our CAMHS dietician has said DD needs to put weight in first as doing CBT etc too early when they are in starved state and not rational can lead it to fail and then to loose faith in it. That’s why DD is on meds to ‘bridge’ the gap until therapy could help. Although we have started a workbook on anorexia provided by her dietician which she said may help.
I have not been given a target weight for DD but been told she is at 80% of the weight she should be at. So for us about 6kg under weight. Not sure when they would class her at target tbh.

Lougle · 18/01/2021 21:05

@myrtleWilson no exercise at all, tbh. We don't leave the house except by car to visit my parents (I'm their support) and she lays on her bed unless it's meal time or school work time. I can only think that her portions are too small. But she struggles to eat what we do give her. Her latest thing over the last few days is saying that rice dishes make her sick, although she is still eating them. No idea re. calories and no meal plan as such.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 18/01/2021 21:13

@lougle that sounds really tough. In doing our meal plan to try to get DD to 2800 cals a day her meal portions are bigger than my DHs...the dietician said that was about right... so may be the portion size is the issue?
And snacks are not as calorific as I thought.... DD has nuts a lot as loads of cals for little volume...

Lougle · 18/01/2021 22:15

@Lottsbiffandsmudge 2800 sounds huge. Perhaps I can work her up to it. Good call about nuts. I'll give them a go.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 18/01/2021 22:17

@lougle it’s so high as DD insists on exercise.....

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 18/01/2021 22:40

Hi welcome valley although sorry you have had to find yourself here. That is a long wait for a first appointment, my understanding was it should (in theory) only be 2 weeks from referral to first appointment. Have you stopped all exercise for dd? That was the first thing Camhs insisted on, the second thing is to take over all food choices for dd and insist on 3 meals plus 3 snacks a day.

We initially got off to a great start but once dd realised she had gained weight it went seriously backwards again unfortunately.

I personally think I'd wait to see what support and advice you get from Camhs before considering private therapy plus your dd will need to be eating for her brain to be working well enough for therapy. My understanding is that weight recovery is the weight they were before the ED plus a bit extra to allow for growth....

Lougle that does sound a bit odd re the weight loss, have your dds bloods been checked recently? I'm just wondering if all physical causes have been ruled out for lack of appetite and no weight gain?

Really tricky day here, dd had a dentist appointment this morning for an extraction which didn't happen as she was too anxious. She then had a huge meltdown at home and has generally been pretty vile to me all day. I'm feeling completely helpless and out of my depth tbh.

Every day she cuts a bit more off what she would eat the day before 😩

Lougle · 19/01/2021 08:14

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that's tough. Hang in there.

Not seen anyone since dietician in December. She said she was doing an urgent paeds referral, but I haven't heard from them.

Valleyofthedollymix · 19/01/2021 08:32

Thank you so much @Lougle, @Girliefriendlikespuppies, @myrtleWilson and @Lottsbiffandsmudge, this is all so helpful.

It is a long time until we see the nurse and the dietician - they've been deluged because of the huge increase in eating disorders in lockdown. We are, however, seeing the paediatrician who comes to the clinic once a week, the day after tomorrow. This is to weigh, do bloods, ECG etc. And I was emailed a plan by the dietician - it's a refeeding one with days 1-4, which we skipped as it was less than she was eating, then 4-6 which we can manage about 80-90% of and then day 7 onwards, which is the two pieces of toast and a glass of milk at bedtime level.

I'm hoping that once we've seen the paediatrician we'll be more in the system and I'll have access to more resources.

She's doing almost no exercise. Occasional 10 minute workouts but they're not very energetic. She's not walking to and fro school nor between classes. She goes on one short walk a day. I'd be cracking the whip about doing more in normal times but I'm just glad she's inside conserving calories in the warmth.

Gosh lotts that is a lot of calories isn't it? Apart from anything else it's all quite expensive, as well as time consuming. Especially since DD is into 'healthy' food, which is loads more £ per calorie.

myrtleWilson · 19/01/2021 08:39

valley do check in with your paediatrician but our experience of re-feeding was that the meal plan was a bed rest one. We've done re-feeding three times, twice in hospital and once at home. In hospital it was strictly enforced bed rest plan - I had to wheel DD in a wheelchair from her room to the toilet which was literally 2m away. We're now at 1800 calories per day, so not quite off re-feeding levels but we've agreed with team to pause here for a while. Her team allow an occasional 45minute walk but to do that we have to up calories for day before by at least 200....

OP posts:
Valleyofthedollymix · 19/01/2021 10:15

Thanks myrtle I will do. At the moment, we're very much in the dark which is why all your help is so useful. We haven't been given any guidance on exercise or behaviour. All I have is the emailed refeeding plan and had never heard of the dangers of it etc.

Although I think lockdown has in part triggered this, it's also useful it means she's sat around at home all day. She was shocked when I told her this morning that she wouldn't be allowed to go back to school when they reopen unless she put on weight. 'They can't stop me' she said, they being school. She hasn't really understood the extent of the issue.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 19/01/2021 10:53

@Valleyofthedollymix We worked up to 2800. She was restricitng to c 1500 before ‘we knew’ and very very active (elite footballer) so in a c 1000 cal a day deficit. We started at 2200 and then 2500 and now 2800 so she can still do some training.
Our main issue is not food (although she uses it as a weapon and has banned lots of foods and has many other anorexic traits around it including watching endless videos of others eating which I find really bizarre) but her purging which in her case is via exercise. She somehow manages to sneak in huge amounts (180 tricep dips a day, squats, sit ups burpees etc) without us seeing. Even when we are as on top of it as work etc will allow. Yesterday I literally sat with her all day and we did better. But that isn’t really practical.
She has a rest day on Friday with no permitted exercise and it is hell. That was the foot through the wall day....

Valleyofthedollymix · 19/01/2021 12:05

DD is a footballer of a very non-elite level - ironically I once read that participation in team sports is one of the best prophylactics against eating disorders. I think not being able to play it three times a week during lockdown contributed to her issues.

However, I can see it's a very different situation for you. It must have been very hard to spot her issues because 1500 calories must have looked like a normalish diet, certainly not obviously a starvation one. It was our problem too - dd always ate supper etc, just wasn't eating the right amount for a growing girl.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 19/01/2021 13:45

@Valleyofthedollymix exactly. She never stopped eating my meals just cut out everything else. Including binning snack at school that I sent her with, no puddings, no supper after training, no treats etc. I sought advice from her FA coaching team and a few other people but because she was eating meals and ‘snack’ everyone was relaxed...I just knew something was wrong but thought I was going mad. She was also exercising in secret on top of her formal training.
And yes lockdown and the loss of her football routines was awful for her and was one of the triggers although she also had a new class at school which she is miserable in and some unhelpful peer pressure about how much she ate....
And all the healthy eating advice they are bombarded with at school and elsewhere is not helpful. And also I was not aware of how much she should have been eating to maintain her scheduled activity tbh. She hit puberty and her calorie requirement rocketed but she went the other way. She lost weight very very fast.
School and the media push activity but do it really give enough help nutrition. Her brothers (15 and 16) eat like horses and I guess she should have been too but I was a sedentary teenager so didn’t realise as a girl she needed as much, stupid really.

Valleyofthedollymix · 19/01/2021 14:40

@Lottsbiffandsmudge you are so right. I had no idea how much they needed either despite having once been a reasonably active teenager. I was the other way - snacked really unhealthily, almost in a slightly bingey way, and then obsessed about how huge I was (I wasn't).

But the constant emphasis on healthy eating and obesity does our kids no favours. We're thinking of complaining to the school because the physics teacher apparently said that shorter girls only need 1700 calories a day in a discussion about energy. Her primary had very high levels of deprivation and over half the girls in the class were very obviously overweight so every single science lesson seemed to be about a healthy plate.

I too knew that something was wrong but deluded myself because she was eating. I'm annoyed because if I'd done something when I'd first rung the GP we'd be 2.6kg to the good. My dd too has unhelpful peer pressure about the fact that she eats breakfast. Apparently.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/01/2021 14:55

Yeah I completely agree about the unhelpful 'healthy' eating propaganda. I also think teenage girls tell each other rubbish about how much they eat, according to dd she eats loads more than any of them 🤨 In one science class they weighed all the students and got them to work out their bmi 😱

We've got Camhs tomorrow and I'm going to ask for a lot more support, we're just getting nowhere atm.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 19/01/2021 14:56

@Valleyofthedollymix it is so hard to find proper info on the internet about calorie requirements. Our dietician has been great for that.
I thought I had checked everything out at on line school (made sure PSHE was not about body image, got her out of PE and Games etc) but guess what she is doing in French? Sport, fitness and healthy eating. She was doing the food groups this morning...although I was proud of her when she (to herself) corrected her teacher and said all foods are healthy....
Typical...
And yes I am cross at not believing myself and pushing my worries under the carpet because she probably lost a lot of weight whilst I came to terms with it....

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 19/01/2021 14:58

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I hate the healthy eating propaganda... like the sessions that push revision all that happens is that the ones who eat unhealthily ignore it and those that don’t take it to heart.... hope you get somewhere with CAMHS got ours now...

Lougle · 19/01/2021 16:16

I think there is huge power in the source of information. DD3 (11) takes everything she is taught as gospel. She did a germ busters topic in Year R, age 4, and even today her hands are red raw because she washes them so much to 'get rid of the germs'. Even casual, throw away comments are seen as 'truth' when it comes from school.

exLtEveDallas · 19/01/2021 17:02

Hi all.

One of DDs triggers for this was bloody Joe Wicks because it seemed that everyone was pushing him, he was on every bloody channel, all the teachers talking about him and encouraging kids to take part. I discovered the other week that at its height, DD was getting up in the middle of the night to do his YouTube workouts 😱

[tentative woo hoo] We had clinic this morning and we are doing really well at the moment. DD has had her ‘prescribed’ chocolate bar every day with minimal complaint and is more accepting of me taking over her portion control (although she watches me like a hawk).

I cannot get her to drink extra milk or add any butter/spread to toast or bread, but she is eating the bread at least - often 4 slices a day!

She’s put on a Kilo! It’s the first gain since all this started. Honestly I could have cried. I haven’t spoken to her about it yet, giving her the processing time.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 19/01/2021 17:49

@exLtEveDallas well done to you and your DD great news.
My DD gained 600g this week not massive but the right direction at least.
She opened up a bit after CAMHS ( which she hates as she hates talking about her ED to anyone except me) and said that the fitness/ distance competitions school ran in lock down which I have to say fostered a lot of competition between her and her brothers really added to her anxiety. And we thought we were just encouraging activity....l there seems to be a lot we need to address at home about unhelpful messaging and competition....

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/01/2021 19:08

I blame bloody Joe Wicks for helping dd on her way to the ED, she started doing his workouts during the first lockdown and then swiftly moved onto core strength workouts on YouTube. My mum didn't help much either as has always pushed dd to do lots of exercise and made a comment about if you want a nice figure you have to work for it 😫

I've always tried to be body positive but probably have made comments in the past about 'feeling fat' or having 'eaten too much rubbish'

Mind you it's almost impossible to avoid the fat is bad message, every tv programme seems to comment on it. We've got a Modern Family on and this programme is awful for commenting on people's weight!!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/01/2021 23:17

Talking of telly programmes have any of you watched series 4 of The Crown? I'm wondering if Diana's ED gets mentioned? I've just started the series but dd is watching in the background and I don't want her getting any new ideas!!

Valleyofthedollymix · 20/01/2021 08:54

@Girliefriendlikespuppies on no account watch the Crown. Very graphic vomiting.

@exLtEveDallas and @Lottsbiffandsmudge I am so thrilled to hear about the weight gain - that's brilliant news. Is there anything obvious that you think made the difference this week?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/01/2021 09:04

Ugh that's annoying valley I've finally made it to season 4!! I'll have to watch in secret when dd is in bed. Thanks for the heads up though.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/01/2021 10:53

Bloody Camhs cancelled again 😭 Dds case worker is apparently off sick for 3 weeks. They didn't even let us know so we both got up and ready for the zoom session which was meant to be at 9.30 for nothing.

I was so upset I sobbed in the kitchen (away from dd) when I finally got through to someone. I just feel so alone with it all and at the moment really useless, I can't even get her to drink a glass of milk in the evening.

I don't know what to do.