Could this be the start of anorexia?

[ru345]

Ok I have lost a lot of weight as was overweight. I was happy in summer even met someone to date. But when he dumped me he criticised my appearance which I was so happy as 10/12. I have started to since then:
I only eat certain foods I am fearful of carbs
I buy lots of food and obsess about Xmas threads about food
I feed everyone incl in work
(Someone called me a feeder)
I have no more than 1000 calories
Those 1000 is mainly milk in lattes
I eat once a day
I weigh several times a day
I get stressed about putting weight on
I am now a 6 but BMI is not low only 20
However I still feel disgusting want to keep moving my weight loss goal currently 9 stone 7lbs which was my goal after exbf dumped me now want to be 9 stone by Easter.
Everyone telling me not to lose anymore as so ‘tiny’ which totally throws me as don’t see or feel it.
Is this a pre anorexia type behaviour?
I am starting to get dizzy when I stand up too

Nice to read the positivity, enjoy Christmas with your family.

Boulshed thank you and you also have a good Christmas. I think being away from home/stress and support of family so not alone is helping distract my anxiety/sadness I am going through. Don't feel alone then. I am hoping this next week until New Year is a changing point for me.

I have not eaten today still full up after yesterday as ate more in one day than the whole week! Dinner will be at 6pm and struggling to even think of sitting with family to eat...they have no clue about my issues and don’t want to worry my poor old mum especially on this day!

The "overcoming" books are good. There is one on anorexia and also on low self esteem, which I would recommend you look at.

My now 16 year old daughter was in the early stages of anorexia a couple of years ago. Tbh we didn't find medical professionals that helpful (and we are in France where mental health services are a little more accessible). She saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist but did not want to talk about her eating problems with either of them, although she did talk to our (very good) GP. The best advice we got was from the "overcoming" books. Under my supervision she followed the recommended programme and she is now a healthy weight and has a normal relationship with food.

Do you have a friend you can talk to about this? I think it would be good to have someone close to "police" your compliance with the sensible advice in those books.

If you act early it is possible to prevent anorexia from becoming chronic and dangerous. The fact that you acknowledge that you have a problem is a good first step.

mistigirl thank you I will look on Amazon, and great to hear your dd has made a full recovery.
It was the dietician who sit in my room where I work who started questioning me even asked what I ate to add up nutritional value over a day as losing weight every week, but from December my birthday when my ex totally hit nail in coffin with new gf and started to ignore me (up to then he was contacting me all the time but critised my appearance prior to this when he dumped me) since then I have gone from a size 12 to 6/8 had hair extensions as hair gone so thin and my teeth whitened to try and build my self confidence and criticism from ex. So it was another professional that brought my eating to my attention and says often 'you don't need to lose anymore weight' or 'you having lunch' (I never do as usually can only stomach one meal a day) but like said sometimes in last few weeks don't even feel like a meal and will live on lattes.
Thankfully with family pressure today I ate in last hour a Christmas meal. What is possibly a toddler size but least I had a balanced meal today (very small chicken breast, 1 roast pot, 2 parsnips, 2 tablespoons swede, 2 broccoli florets and gravy) I feel like I am going to burst as biggest meal this month. Now I feel worried about eating tomorrow. Don't know how I am going to eat again tomorrow? It's all too much for me. This is turning into a hell of too much food for me to handle feel quite anxious about it! Plus I have no scales to weigh and worried I have put weight on.
So on reflection this is more than just anxiety related as I am thinking a little about fear of putting weight on :-(

Misti no I have no one in RL I trust enough to tell re friends in work this could effect my job if got out. Thus found here for first time to get help, which I am grateful of the advice.

What about family to confide in?

It's important to reestablish a regular eating programme, three meals and at least one snack a day, taken at regular times. But read the books, they are very helpful and have a lot of useful suggestions.

It is very hard to do CBT type programmes completely alone though. I think external "supervision" or encouragement helps compliance in the early stages. As time goes on and your behaviour changes and new habits are established this will become less important.

Thanks Mistigirl I have read keeping an eating journal will help me. I had a bigger meal today and managed a small slice of apple pie and cream too which I really enjoyed but feel so full even now hours later. So that’s like 2 meals so chuffed with that!

Do feel a bit out of control as don’t have any scales whilst away to weigh myself. The mornings are the worst and the evenings thinking about it when distracted busy in day don’t worry about food but don’t eat either!
Sadly don’t have family I feel I could really confide in my mum I don’t want to worry her she has has so much to deal with and elderly not well etc and my siblings don’t really see them only at Xmas and occasions so not really close. I have to get this sorted as got a child to think of. Yes your right Miatygirl once I start getting used to adding a bit more at a time like today I will change my behaviours and stop myself from falling into this slippery slope of an ED. I will order that book as on amazon when I am home in New Year. Thank you. I do feel a lot better tonight think increases calories has helped me too.

Being away with family having emotional support has really helped! I am eating 2 meals a day now which is fab and it feels like I have put a few lbs on! My anxiety has reduced and not having scales has helped me. This break has helped me so much hope it continues after I return home when alone again?

I thought I was getting their? I was eating 2 meals by Wednesday. Came home yesterday and it is like factory reset all the work undone.
Got on scales same weight was anxious I might have put on....but at least had not lost being away for 7 days. My first xmas never gaining weight.

Ate chicken thigh and wing yesterday was stuffed....made myself drink slowly with a spoon a full tub double cream to get calories in me as could not stomach anymore food.

Today again chicken but so full trying to have baileys in latte to get more calories in as cannot eat solid food as so full after chicken thigh and wing again!

Went clothes shopping as had voucher that was out of date end of month. Size 6 dress hanging on me but that was the smallest size in the shop:-(
I thought the week away without scales and eating around others would encourage me...it did but as soon as alone back home it feels a lot stronger the not being able to eat much solid food. Had to make myself eat the chicken.

Hi all I just want to update my situation. I met a new guy on 2nd Jan and he has helped my self esteem and my anxiety has gone over ex. I am now eating 3 meals a day enjoying them and have put on 6lbs so bmi now 21.6 I do feel really fat though and a bit scared I will put on weight but over happy I am eating and this dreadful anxiety has virtually stopped which I think was the cause and not anorexia. However sadly it could have easily headed that way if I continued to spiral and hope my anxiety continues to reduce and my appetite or not eating to feel in control re anxiety does not happen again. Thank you all for your support here and I hope you guys here make some sort of improvement as I know know how overwhelming a possible eating disorder I could have had and wish you all the best. Will try and come and read and offer support but hope I don't return as needing the help again.

OH dear I thought I would not have to post here again. I was doing so well even after me and new guy didn't work out. My BMI was 22.6 really healthy felt great but I have connected with a new guy on OLD and my insecurities of my body have snuck back in and my BMI has plummeted to 20.6 in just a few days. I am hoping this is just water and with eating again it will rebalance but I can feel myself slipping back rather quickly and it's rather frightening got a lot of work on with uni and work and mum so I don't know if it's all taken a toil and this is my only control? Feel so disappointed in myself. Don't know what to do! I can't go to GP as worried will be signed off work which in turn effects uni, so need to keep going...thankfully I am off but busy doing uni work but finding concentrating very hard with 400/500 calories a day.

I don’t have much experience but I wanted to let you know that someone has read your latest posts and is listening to you. Have you managed to have some lunch?

Why still limit yourself if your bmi is going down? If you can't concentrate your body is telling you to eat more.

No but thanks for listening ate last Sunday lunchtime drinking lots of lattes with milk to keep calories up. Like I used to do back in Nov/Dec when I was like this. Liz think it’s anxiey not to do with cals can’t eat tried one sweet earlier couldn’t manage anymore. Go to kitchen look at food and feel empty but on an emotional level not hunger level.

I have managed to eat half a tin of tuna with a spoon of salsa my stomach is killing me and making the weirdest noises got scared as my legs were becoming numb ? Muscle weakness and my finger tips too. Going to try and eat the other half a tin of tuna tonight and build up slowly again just good I can offload here as got no one in RL.

Tbh you might be better starting on more bland foods. Jacket potato, rice or pasta based dishes with a little protein like plain chicken or white fish, toast etc might be easier to tolerate on an empty stomach.

You need to go to the doctor. Posting about your health deteriorating isn't fixing your health. Ring your gp and get an appointment NOW

I can’t go to gp re worries he will sign me off work can’t be referred to ED services as work by them so don’t want to go where people know me. I have eaten half a cup cake so slowly picking at it that was fine but that’s my lot today stuffed as a turkey now.
Liz I got a problem with carbs have not eAten pasta or bread in a year started high protein diet to lose weight which went well and just got that way of eating now. I had a lot more energy and concentration to do my uni work today after lunch so if I start with one small meal and try and snack when I can then build up again. Not feeling dizzy now but still got numbness in feet and finger tips don’t know what that is?
I decided to finish with the guy I was going to meet tonight as not in right place for meeting someone and if it makes me feel like I can’t eat a relationship I thinks it’s best I concentrate on me now.
Thanks guys for your support I think reducing the stress of the pending relationship has helped me and I have now eaten something after 4 days so will try and build up trouble is I feel terribly fat disgusting and guilty now though
I am just so glad I got here to come to as got nowhere else.

Tbh it sounds as if you have made yourself ill, whether the symptoms have a physical cause or are stress related. Agree you need to seek medical help now, if you collapse it will be completely out of control who gets involved. Can you afford a private gp if you feel unable to go to the local one.

I ate today as was worried re numbness not hunger. It gave me more energy as basically could hardly do anything yesterday and this morning. So I went out and bought nuts in snack packs will try to start them tomorrow. Forced myself to eat other half of cup cake just now so at least I got more calories into me before bed and feel a lot better than last night was a bit scared but not collapsing just numbness in feet and fingers. I am drinking about a pint of milk a day too in low cal lattes and that is balanced diet kind of! I think I am over worse of it now as managed to eat lunch time. No I have just had to pay out for stairs carpet which is being done tomorrow so that is caused me to be overdrawn again. So private is not viable at this time.
It is definitely anxiety related over starting a relationship and the reason because I have a massive issue with my body shape despite being a size 8 it's the lose skin from the weightloss as was overweight over year ago and lost it fast and with my age got a saggy belly so no confidence re body shape which is feeding this problem. I have to wait another year before I can ask for tummy tuck from weightloss as you have to have bmi under 25 for 2 yrs first. I think when my tummy is sorted I will feel a lot better within myself...if I go to GP say I got eating problem they will never allow me to have tummy tuck as then a psychological weight problem.

HI all just an update and today I hit 21 BMI yay but I feel so fat! But trying not to restrict now managing a small snack 200 cals in day and a large meal in eve around 8/900 cals! Plus having 3/4 lattes 3/400 Cals so around 1500 cals a day which is great! It's hard as some days don't want to eat at all but I am just setting a routine to follow. No more numbness and don't feel cold.

Well done! X

Didn't think I'd need to come back:-(
I was doing so well my BMI even reached 22.
I started dating a bloke only couple weeks and he dumped me over a text 2 weeks ago:-(
My BMI has plumpted to 20 again it is definitely related to emotional this and need support.
Due to have tummy tuck in couple weeks I hope that helps give me more confidence to meet someone special but worried this keeps popping up everytime a relationship goes wrong. Feel very alone and sad which is accurate.

Hi guys just an update...

I had my operation in the summer. Stayed single for a while whilst recovering. I am nearly 5 months post op and it was about a month after op I started to feel more confident about my body. I have stopped thinking about food and using it (restriction) to link to my emotions...in 4 months I have gained nearly 2 stone! I am now a size 10 and people saying how good and confident I am:-)

I feel it....I do however feel really fat compared to 6/8 I was 5 months ago but trying to remind myself I am average now.

Relationships were the trigger all from OLD I am now dating several men and just enjoying myself not allowing emotions to effect me. So far so good! Plus going out being wined and dined a lot so that has helped encourage me to enjoy food with someone else....but my anxiety that was causing the food restriction has gone!

If the anxiety can be tackled then the eating may naturally sort itself out for some of you here...I am using CBT techniques too...