TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

I'm sorry to hear that, @Waiting2BAMummy. Hopefully next weekend will be a winner!

Am I getting more convinced? - I dunno! In a way I've been convinced from the very first pale line, but on the other hand this is so what shouldn't be happening to me that I've convinced it'll turn out to be a huge joke. I'm convinced AF won't be coming, but then DP keeps wanting confirmation that it's real which makes me wonder again. So all in I have no idea!!!!

I'm feeling fine today, other than very, very hot (aren't we all?????). The cramps have calmed down though I can convince myself they're there is I think about them. Basically the whole thing is a total mindfuck! (Pardon my French, don't think I've ever used that word in my life but it's highly appropriate.)

I suspect it'll actually sink in once I get my results from the doctor next week. No idea how soon I can expect them back, though, it's a waiting game...

Fingers crossed @TimeIhadaNameChange. I have to say I won't miss the 200 mile round trip to see my donor and have to come up with excuses as to why I need a day/ half day off of work. As I said this donor is also much younger than my previous one so hopefully he's a winner! Not too happy about him coming to my flat but he seems like a decent guy and it keeps costs down as I was spending around £400 a month on travel and a hotel room.

If you're 5 days late and getting positive tests I would say you can truly believe that you are. Hoping that FR test is a nice dark pink line for you tonight. Even with that though you probably still won't allow yourself to truly believe it until it has been confirmed by a doctor. It's been a long road too get to this point and your apprehension is understandable - I believe it's called self preservation.

Keep the faith - you deserve this!

How did the test go @TimeIhadaNameChange?

Did you go ahead with your insem @Freezerbump?

Hiya, yep I did... bit of a wing and a prayer but we will see!

@Waiting2BAMummy - still haven't got the FRER but have taken a few more tests and they're all positive. Will find out for sure in a few days when I get the results of tomorrow's blood test.

@Freezerbump - good luck! Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I'm doing ok. Continuous cramps and lack of energy, but there's nothing new with the second anyway!

Good luck at the doctors @TimeIhadaNameChange x

Thanks, @Waiting2BAMummy! Turns out the doctor didn't want my blood after all, they're happy to accept the results of the home test. Told me I just need to book an appt with the midwives. So I rang them from outside the surgery and have an appt for 2 weeks on Friday. Eeeek!

Super excited for you @TimeIhadaNameChange. Can't wait to join your club! x

This is very exciting @TimeIhadaNameChange you will have to keep us up to date with your progress! Hopefully we all won’t be too far behind!

Are you set for your inseminations this week @Waiting2BAMummy ??

Planned for Saturday, Sunday and Monday @LanieM87 I'm so nervous!

How are you doing? Are you going to wait until after your holiday?

@Waiting2BAMummy he’s coming to your flat isn’t he? I’m sure everything will go to plan! Did you say he’s done this before?

I’m good thanks! I’m planning on using frozen this month. I’ve been in touch with Sellmer Diers and I can be my own health professional so can get it shipped to my address. I just need to work out if I can work from home that day to accept delivery. This will be my last try til September but I’ll try and find another donor.

Out of interest if you are hopefully successful (🤞🏼) do you plan on passing over donor details?
I can’t decide if to just a totally anonymous donor or use one that the child can contact when they are 18? Would appreciate others feedback too @Freezerbump @TimeIhadaNameChange

Yes @LanieM87 he is coming to my flat. He has done it before he said he worked with 2 younger lesbian couples who were both successful and 3 women who were 38 and older and only 1 of them was successful. I turn 38 next weekend so fingers crossed I can turn his 1 into a 2.

My donor has contact with 2 of the children he was a donor for so I am sure he would be happy to be known when they turn 18. I'm not sure how I feel about that so if he's happy with it I'm just going to leave that open as an option. I certainly wouldn't not use him if he said he wasn't happy for them to contact him. My parents divorced when I was around 3 and I've not had any contact with my father since. As an adult I have no desire to try and find him but I also know that just because I feel that way doesn't mean my child won't want to know his/her father and if the donor is happy with that then that will be a decision that is theirs to make.

Hi ladies,

I went for anon, but plan to be open about it if I fall.

In other news, I've been having very periody cramps for the past few days but no sign of anything.... although this is a very odd cycle indeed, due on Friday so we shall see, if one managed to cling in there this month then it's a tough little cookie!

So the FRERs finally arrived yesterday and I used one this morning. I think I can safely say I'm pregnant!

I told my mother last night. Although we aren't as close as we could be I felt sorry for her that she didn't know since this will be the only grandchild she'll have and I thought it would be nice to experience it as much as possible. Plus I'd been stressing about her reaction loads at the weekend and realised that if I was going to enjoy this at all I had to get telling her out of the way asap.

She was shocked, but not entirely surprised. Apparently she had picked up on hints over the years (not entirely sure I believe her). She's not entirely thrilled by the situation but seems to accept it. Thinks I have to move as the house isn't big enough (it's fine) and told me I should get rid of some of the animals (never going to happen). She's still confused about the situation between me and DP (aren't we all???) and is keen I tell everyone I used a sperm donor (so that people don't think it is DP's). But other than that she's ok with the idea. Considering she's said she never wanted to be a granny she's now upset she won't see her grandchild that often.

I told DP he could tell his family but he's realised he can't really, as his kids will put it on FB, and I suspect he's not convinced his mother won't let it slip out accidentally.

One friend here does know, even though I've said people here should be the last to know for practical reasons. But her husband was the first to know of the plan of anyone, and he told her, so she's known it was a possibility for the last 18 months. The fact that, in the year since she's last seen me, I've gone from drinking a good few glasses of an evening to maybe a mouthful to none at all on Sunday, she had it sussed. So asked. He husband was hilarious, and obviously oblivious. She offered me a coffee or hot chocolate last thing, he was waving wine about in a 'surely she must want some by now!' approach!

@TimeIhadaNameChange oh my goodness congratulations! I feel a bit weepy for you! (Af must defo be on way!) good news about ma, it's surprising how a small can bring a family together, my niece changed my family completely and we all get along now, we all went to her sports day yesterday and she looked so happy to have us all there :)

A mate is taking my kitchen out at the moment who has just split with his wife... is it weird I'm considering asking him?!

I don't suppose you had periody cramps for ages did you?

Much love

@LanieM87 - I don't like the thought of the child never being able to trace their biology if they want to so went for non-anon. It will be entirely their decision, and DP's family will accept them as family anyway so they won't miss out as they grow up, but I wouldn't want to take the choice of finding their birth father away from them. I think they're going to be born into a strange enough situation as it is, and want to make things as easy as possible for them. (As I've said many times, me and DP are 'complicated', and I'm not entirely sure what having a baby will do to the situation.)

Good luck with the frozen! It's amazing what you can buy online, isn't it????? You're lucky you can accept it, the change in regulation has buggered up plans for many people. (I know they changed last year but Cryos were very last-minute in stopping the whole shipping to private addresses thing).

Fingers crossed for you @Freezerbump! Cramping can be a good sign.

Hope this weekend goes well for you, @Waiting2BAMummy. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you too. For purely selfish reasons - I need some buddies!!!

Aww thanks, @Freezerbump! Yes, I did get period cramps, still get them. So you might be in with a chance!

Am not surprised you're thinking about asking a mate. I did too, and got no's each time. Wasn't surprised - it is a big thing to ask but I felt better for having done it. The second time was actually the prompt I needed to get in touch with Cryos.

And you never know, he might be willing!

So unbelievably happy for you @TimeIhadaNameChange that is most definitely a positive. You deserve this and I hope you enjoy every minute of the next 9 months - hoping beyond hope to join you in a few weeks. I'm glad that things went well with your mum (well better than you expected) that's one less thing for you to worry about and you really don't need to be stressing right now.

Fingers crossed for you @Freezerbump not weird to consider asking your friend at all. If you decide to brace the question fingers crossed for you he says yes.

Thanks ladies @Freezerbump @Waiting2BAMummy @TimeIhadaNameChange it’s not much more money to have ID release at 18 so I think that’s probably what I’ll do. As you’ve said it doesn’t seem fair for a child not to be able to trace their dna back if they want too.

Hope everyone is doing well?!

Hi guys congrats @timeihadanamechange that's amazing news.
@LanieM87 I'm seriously considering sellmerdiers too and would love to know how you get on with the order etc. We are doing 1 more month of testing and then want to order for August cycle.
Here's to keeping fingers crossed. X

When are you next due for your insem @LanieM87

How are you feeling @TimeIhadaNameChange

My donor messaged me yesterday to let me know what time he is coming on Saturday- so nervous with him coming to my flat and can't have anyone there as it isn't fair to him but the biggest reason is that nobody knows but you guys what I'm doing! There will certainly be some super shocked faces when I announce my immaculate conception!!

@Waiting2BAMummy not for a little while! Should be two weeks today I’m due to ovulate. I tend to have fairly decent length cycles!

It’s good that he is keeping in contact though, sounds pretty reliable. I’d be nervous too, but just keep your wits about you, keep your phone in your hand, make sure that you are positioned near the front door whilst he is there. I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine. Is there anything we can do??

@Kels91ill keep you updated for sure! The communication I’ve had with them so far has been prompt and encouraging! From what I can tell the tank is a lot more discreet then Cryos!

Not too much longer to wait for you then @LanieM87 im sure the next 2 weeks will go by much faster than the 2WW that will follow!

I'm sure he'll be fine he really seems like a genuine guy. My flat is a duplex but the bathroom is downstairs. Is it okay to make him use the bathroom to do his thing or should I let him go upstairs to the spare bedroom? I'd rather keep everything downstairs but am I being rude telling him to use the bathroom?

He isn't coming until around 8pm so I'm going to be stressing about it all day. Need to make sure my phone is fully charged and may just post on here while he's doing his thing to keep my mind occupied. I'm hoping he just comes and does his thing and then leaves I don't want a whole chat before hand and when he's done I just want him to go. Is that rude?

Haha yeah no doubt they will! 😂 @Waiting2BAMummy

You’ve got to trust your gut, you wouldn’t have gone this far if you didn’t think he was trustworthy, but you’ve also got to remain alert!

Yeah I don’t see why not, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him in my bedroom. Plus at least then he stays downstairs. Once he’s gone you can then just chill out.

Definitely message on here! No it’s not rude, from my very limited experience last month it was just weird to try and make small talk and goodness knows I can ALWAYS make small talk. I’m sure he won’t want to hang around either, just show him to the bathroom and leave him to it, hopefully he won’t be there too long and then at least on sun and mon it won’t feel as weird.

I’m so pleased that things are moving forward for everyone! Congrats again @TimeIhadaNameChange it’s brilliant news!

@Kels91 I haven’t ordered and I’m not going to for now. When I went for my last scan I found out I have PCOS and I know that isn’t necessarily a barrier to getting pregnant but it can take a little longer. I have my consultant appointment on 5th September and I am hoping to be closer to my goal weight so I can get NHS funded twice before having to pay. I have started on LighterLife and so far have lost a stone in 2 weeks, 2 and a half stone to go but it feels doable by then now. Feel free to private message me for a chat if you want to!

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for lots more good news from everyone xx