TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

We're all bonkers @Freezerbump!

I'm up for a trip to Denmark if all else fails. TTC girls trip!!

Good luck with everything x

A friend came to visit years ago, travelling by train by Edinburgh. She rang midway, pointing out that she'd been travelling for hours and was already in the middle of nowhere, so where the hell did I live?????

Yes, we're Highlands. Bizarrely there used to be a donor listed about 5 miles away, but I found him when it was still a random idea. He's no longer listed.

Would definitely consider a trip to Aarhus. Why not?

Hi, I was just wondering about routes source home insemination, I am single and can’t afford the clinic costs. I was looking at Cryos which looked promising but then it seems like the website says the laws are changing and they will no longer be able to offer a delivery (so to speak) for home insemination in the uk. Just wondered if people had other ideas for other routes or any advice? Thank you in advance! X

This is telling me what I think it's telling me, isn't it :

OMG @TimeIhadaNameChange I see a line!!!!

I'm so excited!!!!

Thank you, @Waiting2BAMummy! I’m still not sure I'm totally convinced but it's definitely stronger than the one I got the other day. And my temp is still up. Eeeek - could this really be happening?????

@TimeIhadaNameChange I see a line too!!! Congratulations!!!

It looks like it is @TimeIhadaNameChange can you get a FRER? They're supposed to be more sensitive that CB so you may get an even stronger pink line. I'm so happy for you. How are you feeling?

You're the 4th person I've heard of this week. My boss told me on Monday that her daughter is pregnant then yesterday I was on the phone to a 2 colleagues (who both work in a different office) 1 of them has just had a baby (well he didn't his wife did!) and the other is due in December.

I'm not planning to test unless AF doesn't arrive on Wednesday, then ill test on Thursday. Can't bear to see another negative would rather just get AF.

How is your first 2ww going @LanieM87?

@Waiting2BAMummy thanks for thinking of me 😊
I’ve not been as chill as I thought I was going to be 🙈 I’ve recently become obsessed with watching early pregnancy test videos on YouTube. Oh dear, I’ve a fairly short LP so earliest I can realistically test at 10DPO would be Thursday and that’s two days before AF, so although I’d like to think I would wait til sat, I feel that I’ll end up testing early!

I’m not really feeling any different. Most of the time I think there’s no way I’ll be pregnant, not on my first go, but there’s that little niggly bit of hope that says otherwise!

I’ll be looking for a new donor next month though, unfortunately the one I’ve been talking to for months has shown me a side I’m not keen on!

Anyway, sorry for the long update! How are you feeling??? x

@LanieM87 that happens to the beat of us. You tell yourself you're going to be all cool and collected and then the obsession takes hold. It's so easy to fall into and you're intensively looking for any sign that might indicate a possible pregnancy. We've all been there, trust me.

I'm sorry that your donor isn't working out. At the risk of being intrusive, is he trying to pressure you into NI? I've had that too but you have to stay true to yourself and don't let anyone push you into something that you're not comfortable with.

My AF cramps started yesterday, they're intermittent and not as painful as usual. I have read that some women get this before their BFP but I think it's more likely that they're less intense due to my weight loss and diet changes etc. I'm due AF on Wednesday, if she doesn't arrive I will test Thursday but I am fully expecting to see her ugly face.

Good luck with your surgery tomorrow @Freezerbump, hope the move went well.

@Waiting2BAMummy I have a new appreciation for the craziness we put ourselves through during the 2WW!

Not as such, however he wanted me to “join in” which I refused to do. He’s also made it clear that he finds me attractive and has questioned why I want a baby from him but not a relationship. It’s just getting very messy, I had hoped to use him in July and then look for someone else as l won’t be trying in August as I’ll be away, but I don’t think its worth the hassle. I’m considering frozen for July and then donor hunt onwards.

Ah sorry to hear that. It may be pregnancy related. Do you tend to get cramping this early? Will you be using the same donor next month??

Ah yes good luck @Freezerbump wishing you a speedy recovery, hope all went well with your latest Cryos delivery x

Definitely sounds like that one needs to be given a wide birth @LanieM87 I don't understand why these guys agree to the terms you have clearly laid out to them from the start but then seem to think that they can change your mind, they play on our desperation.

I am using a new donor next month he is just a few miles up the road from me and is coming to my flat. I did say I wouldn't do that but the expense of travel and 3/4 nights in a hotel every month is just getting too expensive. He is coming one evening this week we're meeting at a local costa for a chat.

My AF pains actually generally start earlier that this. I had never really noticed that before I started TTC but the first month I got them a week or so before AF was due and absolutely convinced myself I must have been pregnant and they were implantation pains, I was so wrong!

@Waiting2BAMummy this is it, it’s really disappointing, I’d been speaking to this guy since the beginning of the year as it’s important for me to get to know someone first, I’d put all my eggs in to his basket if you will! Hopefully it will be all worth it in the end.

Oh handy to have someone local, I’m gunna explore that further. Good that you’re meeting up beforehand, as long as you get a good vibe from him then I’m sure you’ll be fine! Do you think you’d end up having more contact with him if you were successful because he is local to you?

It’s amazing what you notice that you didn’t before! We are all so different and what’s normal for one can be out of the ordinary for someone else! I only ever get mild cramps the first two days.

@LanieM87 no I don't want to have any contact with him after. I know that sounds awful but I don't want him to develop feelings and/or a relationship with the child and then start wanting contact etc. I want to keep this as anonymous and transactional as possible. I'm definitely glad I'm meeting him first because if I get any bad vibes I don't have to tell him where I live!

You're right it is disappointing, especially when you've been up front from the start about what you're looking for. I've said it before but to me if a guy genuinely wants to help for altruistic reasons the method of delivery should not matter to him.

I had a guy message me on the site that I use and his message said that he was 45 with 2 grown up children but his profile said he had 3 children and part of his screenname was 1969 which suggests that he's actually 50. I called him out on it as having previous bad experiences with guys from that site I am somewhat on guard - he hasn't responded!

I would have sworn before that my cramps only started the day before- not anymore!

@Waiting2BAMummy it doesn’t sound awful at all, I want the same arrangement. The issue with my last donor has just cemented everything that you’ve just said about becoming attached. Although it seems very matter of fact to be so transactional, I really think it’s for the best.
Good luck with meeting the new donor, hope he’s a decent guy!

Can I ask what site that is? I’ve just registered with a new one, but not committed to paying the fee yet, I used co-parents last time.

It's co-parents that I use @LanieM87. My last donor lived over 100 miles away which is perfect once the process is successful but made the process itself far too difficult. It got easier as over the last 5 months using clearblue digital ovulation tests it appears I get my positive on a Monday in exact 28 day cycles so it was easier to plan but I still never once actually got to inseminate on the day of my positive opk as timing was just never right and I can't keep taking time off work. Having someone closer will be much easier. My next positive OPK is due Monday 8th July so he has already agreed to visit me on the Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

Part of me is wondering if it's worth buying more OPK's for next month or to just trust that I would get my positive on 8th based on the last 5 months. I don't want to waste the money just to get the result I'm expecting but I don't know if I'm brave enough to go it without them! 🤔😐

If you PM me your address I'll send you some OPKs. I got them for nothing so will gladly pass them on. And if this all comes to nothing (am still not entirely convinced) it'll be a while before we can try again anyway.

I'm doing ok, just not believing it is, actually, true. Am slightly concerned by the fact that, despite taking tests many days apart, the lines are getting no stronger. There are lines, though, just very faint. I'll see what the next week or so brings.

And I apologise for posting about it here if it was inappropriate. I really didn't know whether to or not. You guys are the only people who know, other than DP, and I want to keep it that way for a while yet. Am petrified of telling my mother, she will not be impressed on a number of levels. Oh well!

Waiting - good luck for Wednesday. I hope AF stays far away!

@TimeIhadaNameChange please don't apologise that's what we're all here for. We should be sharing this news, we're here for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I have my fingers crossed for you that this is a positive.

I'm getting usual AF cramps fully expect the wicked witch to arrive on Wednesday. Am meeting my new donor tomorrow night for a chat.

I really rate the clear blue tests as well @Waiting2BAMummy it’s fab that you’ve managed to find a pattern, but like you I’d be worried to go without 😂
Fingers crossed for your next inseminations if AF does show up next week. Sounds like you’ll have planned it perfectly!

Don’t apologise @TimeIhadaNameChange !! This thread is about supporting each other through good and bad!
I think it’s fab that you’re still getting a line, however faint. I don’t really think line progression means all that much in the grand scheme of things! How many DPO are you?

Thanks, @Waiting2BAMummy and @LanieM87. I'm currently 14dpo so it's very early days. Have booked an appointment with the GP for next week, assuming my body doesn't decide this is all one big nasty trick and AF comes in the meantime! (Poor DP, he's been asking me the last few days if I was pregnant - I wasn't going to tell him anything until I was sure but did as he asked, but said I wasn't convinced. This morning I waved a piss-covered stick under his nose for his inspection! That's what he gets for being impatiant!

lol @TimeIhadaNameChange well he did ask!!

How are you feeling @TimeIhadaNameChange?

So I got my usual pink streak this afternoon ready for AF tomorrow so I'm definitely out.

Getting nervous now about meeting my new donor this evening. I actually have to sit and and talk to him arrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!

Good luck meeting your donor tonight @Waiting2BAMummy hope he is decent!
Sorry to hear AF is making an appearance, but maybe this new guy is meant to take you forwards!