TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

Hi all, I’ve been rubbish at keeping up to date with you all!

Welcome to the thread @LouMill sorry to hear about the issues with your donor. I can just imagine how heartbreaking it is to be let down at the last minute, especially without any real explanation!

@TimeIHadANameChange good luck with your insemination, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it goes well and this is your month!

@Waiting2BAMummy sounds like you’ve made some really good changes! Again I’ll keep everything crossed that it’s your month too!

I didn’t ovulate when expected last month, so I’m planning on my first insemination next weekend! I’m just hoping that my cycle is correct this month. I should get my positive a week on Monday so I’m hoping insem on Sunday will do the trick! Already feeling nervous!

Hi Lmas3108, I had a donor right back when I first started looking offer to help and he really seemed like a genuine guy. I chatted with him for a few weeks and he donated several times so was well aware that this can be a long journey but he was in it for the duration. The absolute deal breaker for me though was that he wanted to come to my home. This would actually save me a lot of money on travel and hotels but something about it for me just doesn't feel right. Maybe it doesn't help that I'm a single female and am here on my own but also I just don't want my donor knowing where I live so even though he was perfect in every other way I didn't use him. I always meet me donor in a hotel. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. PCOS does make ovulation tests a little more unreliable but that doesn't mean it's impossible. Good luck.

Thanks LanieM87 good luck to you too. One of us has to get pregnant soon.

Waiting2BAmummy, thank you so much for your reply.

Yes we did originally suggest to meet at a hotel, obviously expenses on us including his travel. However, he wasn't overly impressed with it and when I questioned him about where he would prefer to meet he did say at our house as this is the least awkward for us all.

I'm not hundred percent sure how I feel about it being at our house just for the future really, as in if we were successful he would know where the child was and although he says he doesn't want any contact (the only way we would go ahead) it still could happen in the future.
He says he has been successful with five couples so far and he really does seem genuine. But will we ever know?

There are two of us appose to just yourself (could've been more scary for you) so maybe less chance of anything going wrong if he turned out to be not genuine. I.e wanting intercourse etc.

It's so hard to trust someone or to know what to do for best. All we both know is we want this so badly 🙄

Aghhhh why is the messing with me happening!

So no Cryos after 30/6...

Moving house 20/6
Ovulation 21/6
Operation 24/6

Ffs.....the gods are either conspiring fore, or against me!

@lmas3108 I’m the same as @Waiting2BAMummy I found it too weird for him to come here as I live on my own, i know that half his genes will be present in my baby but I felt it was too much. I’m not really sure it makes sense 😂
He also invited me to his, but again it just feels too weird. Although a hotel will be odd also, I just feel it’s the lesser of the two and I can be left to it after he’s gone.
I think you’ve just got to go with your gut feeling!

Bless you @Freezerbump are you still considering IVF? I rent and am also looking to move as I live in a flat above a restaurant and cannot imagine having to negotiate the metal staircase to get up to my flat with a baby. Also I need a garden for them as they grow. I'm not looking forward to it.

@Lmas3108 yes it is really hard. Part of what put me of the home thing was them knowing where the child is after but I'm planning to move now so I guess that wouldn't be an issue anymore. If the donor has done it before it is unlikely he will want contact with the child unless he is going to have contact with all of them but I think that's unlikely. I usually ask donors who have been successful before how many tries it took for their previous recipients as it may not work first or even second time and their answer can give you an indication as to whether the donor is willing to donate until your goal is achieved or if they're going to get bored if it doesn't work on the first or second attempt.

That's exactly how I felt @LanieM87 once he's done his business he can just leave you to get on with it that's a little more awkward in your own home. I too live alone and just am not comfortable having a strange man (even though as you say I will be carrying his baby) coming into my home.

LanieM87 and Waiting2BAmummy: yes I know what you mean. Wherever you do it it isn't ever not gonna be awkward.
It's a very awkward situation to be in, after all you meet someone from the internet and he does his business in a pot then you toddle off too insert it.

Do you have any experience with irregular periods anyone? In my earlier post I said that my partner (who will carry) has PCOS.

She was on the injection due to heaviness of periods but came off it (to conceive) and has only had one period since (10 months ago)

Please tell me if I'm being stupid but, if she isn't bleeding, does that mean she isn't ovulating? Which means she won't have a chance of getting pregnant.

(Sorry if this is a really silly question) I'm not clued up on female bodies (although I'm female hahaha)

@Lmas3108 I'm not an expert but I believe that you have to have periods to be ovulating. You may need to speak to you GP as there may be something your partner can take to help regulate her periods.

@lmas3108 my periods were irregular coming off the pill. But they’ve been fairly consistent for the past few months, so I can’t really offer any advice.
I do believe though that you have to have some form of period in order to ovulate, so maybe best to speak to GP.

Well I have had a couple of days to deal and I’m feeling so much better again.
I’ve still not seen my donor but when I do I feel like it will be ok now.
They are really good friends and I don’t want to lose them, I know they let me down and it was a horrible feeling but I guess it’s hard for them too. I’m still annoyed that he hasn’t offered any explanation or apology but I guess I haven’t seen him lol.

I can understand the reluctance to have a donor come to your home, as no matter how long you’ve been chatting they could still prove to be dodgy it would worry me being alone.

@lmas3108 I agree that it would be worth a discussion with the GP as I’m sure you need a period to ovulate.

@FreezerBump, sounds like you’ve got a lot going on. Will you order from Cryos even though you are moving? I had a look at Sellers Diers and you can order from them still but it’s an extra £150 if you don’t have a health care professional involved.

I had a response to my email and I can be my own health care professional which is good to know, but really not fair on everyone else who wants to try. X

I think we can get carried away with things when we want something so bad.
Maybe the coming to our house thing isn't the most sensible idea.

What we really want is to try IUI but it seems so far away and so costly.

I've heard about ordering from Cryos too and self inseminating. This is still quite costly though too is that right ?

😊

@lmas3108 good to know you can be your own health professional for that site! It’s definitely a back up option for me. I’m also one of those professions on the list.
It can be pretty costly, I don’t think there’s much of a difference cost wise then going to the clinic for IUI, it depends on what motility you go for.

Looks like I'm going to have to multi task.... moving, op and ovulating at the same time!!!

Meh, maybe it's a sign, that gear things to seem to happen at the weirdest and most inconvenient times

Glad you've managed to collect your thoughts @LouMill it's so easy to get carried away and obsess over the month and opportunity that you've missed but in reality it is exactly that, one month. What are your plans now? Will you use a home delivery service next month?

Maybe this is your month @Freezerbump you'll be so distracted with moving shenanigans you won't have time to obcess.

I'm currently on a train on the way to the hotel for this months first donation tomorrow morning. I'm inseminating tomorrow, Sunday and Monday with positive ovulation test expected on Monday. Really I should do Tuesday and maybe even Wednesday too but I can't get anymore time off of work. As it is I have to get the train at 7:15 on Monday morning to get back for work and my boss is letting me come in at 10:30 (she thinks I'm having my boiler serviced ). I know lots of people say you shouldn't do it every day but I was chatting to a donor (who unfortunately can't help me as he works away and is always away when I'm due to ovulate) who has successfully donated through AI several times and he said his successes have always been 3 inseminations over 3 days so fingers crossed.

How is everyone doing? I'm 2 inseminations down this weekend with the final tomorrow morning and expecting my static smiley face on my clearblue digital ovulation test tomorrow.

Just to give you all a little positivity boost I was reading a board yesterday and there were 4 ladies on there all doing AI at home (slightly different situation to most of us their partners were unable to perform in the usual way). Out of the 4 women 3 of them all got pregnant in the same month and several other women dropped by to say they had been successful too. This really does work we just need to keep the faith.

Sending baby dust to all.

@Waiting2BAMummy I’m keeping everything crossed this will be your month hun! Sounds like you’ve timed it well!
My plan is going to be slightly more conventional for the next few months. I am having blood and scans on Thursday and rejoining the ICSI train for the moment. My MIL is going to fund something for us. She is really keen on ICSI as then it will be DH’s offspring but I’m not as keen. It’s so expensive, so would probably only be able to have one chance and I’m worried about the risks of birth defects and abnormalities. If we did IUI with donor sperm I could have 9 chances for the price of 1 ICSI. But I’m going to take it each step at a time. I’m not sure if there is no sperm in DHs testes if we will try ICI at home from and order offline. I’m not sure how cost effective it would be compared to IUI at a clinic. So I really don’t know what will happen yet. I’ve not ruled out hitting Facebook and sperm donor sites again yet though.
@Freezerbump maybe the saying good things come in threes applies to you. It also may take the pressure off getting pregnant if you are focused on other things so you may have an even better chance. I will keep everything crossed for you as well! X

I hope so! Although af is taking her time this month just to cock my days up for next month! 3 days overdue so far just to mess with my planning for last try!

Fingers crossed for all of you this month, I shall resume boring you with every twinge next month! X

Maybe you'll ovulate earlier in your cycle @Freezerbump and you'll be back on track. Fingers crossed for you this month can't wait to hear your twinges! I'm going to try my hardest not to symptom spot this month that's one thing I KNOW I'm not going to be successful at this month!!

My donor cancelled on me for this morning so don't hold out much hope for my chances this month as I'm due to get my positive ovulation test today. I did inseminate Saturday and yesterday so I may still have a chance but this is my fifth cycle of trying and as yet I haven't managed to inseminate once on the day I actually get my peak it's been the couple of days before and the morning after and obviously I'm not pregnant yet so I'm thinking that's the problem. Don't think I will be symptom spotting this month as I really don't think I have any chance missing today. Time to start looking for another new donor me thinks.

Have you done your inseminations @TimeIhadaNameChange?

Thanks for asking, Waiting2BAMummy! We inseminated last night and this morning, and will again tonight. I thought it was all going to go to pot - ClearBlue kept giving me nothing, and the cheap sticks kept giving me very faint lines to the point the app wasn't spotting them. But I finally got a smiley last night and told himself we were doing it then and there! I'm not sure having your DP staring intently at your cervix whilst waving a cathetar is the most romantic way to conceive, but let's hope it works. I did point out I didn't think it was entirely possible to orgasm with the speculum still in place!!!!

It's good to hear that this method does work. And you never know, you may be successful this month. At least using live sperm means you have longer for them to be able to meet the egg - 5 days as opposed to 1 if you're lucky.So a positive today doesn't mean you're necessarily out of the game. Will keep my fingers crossed for you!

LouMill - ICSI sounds great! At least you know an egg will be fertilised. If you consider that for women under 35 the professionals only start getting involved after 12 failed cycles of normal attempts, and how much more a couple can try in those 12 months than we can (unless you're a millionaire!) it shows how low the odds are. You get to beat a lot of the odds.

Good luck @TimeIhadaNameChange fingers firmly crossed for you this month.

Question ladies, I know it is possible to experience ovulation bleeding but this is not something that has ever happened to me. On Saturday I had some slight bleeding when I wiped after removing the soft cup and I put it down to having irritated my cervix with the softcup. However, I took yesterday's out last night and had another streak of pink blood this morning. Could this still be irritation? I haven't got my static smiley face yet today from 2 tests but I think I had drank too much water for the second one even with the 4 hour hold as my hit r was almost clear. Will test again this afternoon.

Thanks, Waiting2BAMummy!

As for your question, I'm not sure. I know the first time we tried with the cathater DP noticed a wee bit of blood on my cervix and was worried (telling me to go to the GP for tests) but then he Googled it the next day and realised it was normal, but I have no idea the reason for it. I'll ask him and get back to you if he remembers.

I had some blood in my soft cup this morning, but he was playing about with the cathetar last night so I assumed it was from that. Though he's been very gentle so in a way I'd be surprised if it was from that. Maybe it was ovulation, and I only noticed as it was caught up in the ejaculate and caught in the cup. Who knows? I'll see what he says, anyway.

@Waiting2BAMummy - I think your timing is still good, although if he is cancelling repeatedly and it hasn’t worked this month it may be time to start looking for another one. I can’t really help with the blood etc, but surely a small amount won’t be a problem. I hope you get an answer soon.

@TimeIhadaNameChange I know it’s no laughing matter but that made me lol about orgasm and speculum! I really hope it’s worked out for you!
Thanks for your reassurance re ICSI, I’ve been frantically googling about the risks to baby and the chances of finding any sperm. It seems from a lot of studies it’s up to 30 years old where you have a chance of finding something and after 30 not much hope, DH is 34 so I’m not holding out much hope. I’m not even sure if the consultant will try, but I will ask a million questions when I see them. I’m just getting ready to head off for my scans and bloods.

@Lmas3108 has your other half been to see the GP yet re periods etc?

@loumill
Not as of yet, we are currently in Benidorm.

We both agreed that we needed one last blow out holiday before we get into the seriousness of fertility.
We are both so excited/anxious/nervous/hopeful though and we have mentioned the odd thing whilst being here but not wanted it the conversation too over shadow our holiday.

My DP isn't worried really about her periods being irregular and causing her not to ovulate (maybe?) She says there is medication out there that can kick start the bleeding again.

I really do worry about these things because we don't want to waste our time or a donors time if there's no way she can be successful in a BFP.

The GP visit will definitely be on the cards but she has weight too lose first and I'm sure the docs will blame the dodgy periods on that🙄 they always blame weight lol.

We are on major save after this break, have any of you done IUI through a clinic.
After reading a lot of comments on these forums it seems the "going rate" is around £1750 a time, does this sound right?

P.s the donor we were talking too, well, I've not replied to him atm, his last message was saying he could try to be available twice a month if needed, but would want to meet at our house. Initially I didn't think this was too much of a problem, but after reading your opinions I guess it's not as straight forward as it seemed.

Can't wait too see some BFP from you guys, it seems such a long and emotional journey xxx