TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

You're even

Yes that’s true, it’s not the end of the world and there is always tomorrow! X

Well still not inseminated which is making me anxious that he has changed his mind. However I have only got peak tonight, which I may have missed as cheapie didn’t show but CB did.
How is everyone doing? Xx

Delivery should arrive today, so will be inseminating in the next few days. Cheap OPK was showing very low levels of LH so hopefully that will go up in the next few days.

Is your donor a friend @LouMill? Can you ask him if he's had second thoughts? You usually ovulate 24-36 hours after your LH surge so you're okay if you inseminate tonight.

@TimeIhadaNameChange fingers crossed for you this month. I'm due to get my positive ovulation test next Monday based on the last four months so I'm seeing my donor Saturday Sunday and Monday.

Good Luck for you insemination @TimeIhadaNameChange fingers crossed it works for you.

@Waiting2BAMummy We have asked and he says not. He offered to help himself and we didn’t approach him about it. Timing hasn’t worked out yet but hopefully tonight and tomorrow. I have some worries that he has changed his mind but we shall see. How are things going with you? X

If he lets you down this month @LouMill you may need to find someone else. Does he understand the need for precise timing? I've spoken with a few donors and when you tell them you need them on a particular day they offer to come 2 days later by which time the ship has sailed! I'm due to ovulate early next week so will be inseminatin Saturday Sunday and Monday.

I will think about it then.
There have been some genuine circumstances I.e I took his baby boy to hospital on Sunday with his gf as he was unwell.
Then the last couple of days his sister has been starting with him so he didn’t feel he could.
Anyway tonight and tomorrow are looking good but if not I will re think for next month x

So all my hope has been shattered, been let down again with no good excuse so appears he has changed his mind.
I 100% realise it is his choice but I’m pissed off, hurt and disappointed about it.
He hasn’t even said that this is the case.
It makes things harder as me and my partner consider him and his gf some of our closest friends.
We didn’t approach him to be a donor he came and offered with the consent of his gf and we have all discussed it several times from when he offered till now.
I don’t feel like I can face him, even though I know he is well within his rights to change his mind, I still feel he has shattered my dreams and destroyed some of my hope.
Tonight I will cry myself to sleep and tomorrow I will be avoiding interaction with him. I know that’s a little childish but until I’ve dealt with how I’m feeling, if I see him I know I will say something I will regret, as I’m quite hot headed.
Not sure how to get past this or how I will forgive him for letting us down!
I guess that’s the trouble with known donors, it impacts on your relationship after when they let you down.
X

@LouMill I'm so sorry. I absolutely understand your upset and you are completely justified in your feelings. To be honest this is the issue with using a fresh donor at all, whether known or not. The only added issue with the known donor is, as you say, the fact that it's difficult to have to face them afterwards when they have let you down.

I had the same issue last month but my donor was not known so I do not have to face him. I had however booked and paid for a hotel room that sat empty for the night.
I honestly understand how upset and angry you are but once those initial feelings calm down you can pick yourself up a make a plan for next month.
Something I have had to learn is that the donor is not as invested in this as you are so keeping their word is never going to matter as much to them as it does to you.

@Waiting2BAMummy, that is so true they really do not care as much.
I just can’t believe that anyone could come knock on your door and say me and my gf have decided we want to help you and then not! It’s going to be hard to avoid them for a few days as they live up the road from me and I walk past their house everyday. Plus their little girl comes and knocks on my door to see my dog.
Yes I remember reading your post about that, it really is soul destroying.

I am not even going to think about it for now, I have a scan and bloods booked on 13th as we had just been referred to the hospital when he offered his help. My BMI is too high for NHS funding and I really struggle to get it down no matter how well I eat as exercise is difficult with my health conditions.
Anyway I guess it is onwards and upwards from here.
I just really needed a rant last night before I cried myself to sleep! Xx

I think I read something about Cryo bank in this thread. It’s saying from 1st July they won’t be delivering to private addresses, is this the case?! X

Where have you read that, LouMill? I can't find reference to that either on this thread or elsewhere.

Sorry to hear about your donor, but try not to be too hard on him. I know he offered, but I don't think you can blame him for having second thoughts, however upsetting it is for you. It is a huge thing to do. Easy to agree to but when it comes down to it the implications are massive. I know you say he and his gf discussed it, so it wasn't just an off-the-cuff decision, but even still, I think you need to get over it. I know that sounds harsh, and I truly don't mean to be. The legal stuff is enough to be thinking about without personal feelings etc.

What I've noticed here is that whilst DP is good at coming up with names of people he reckons would be willing to donate, when it comes to it he finds ways to get hold of more cash instead. Sperm donations really does seem to be something that is easy in theory but problematic mentally in theory.

Ok, have just seen mention of the 1st July deadline elsewhere. But I can't find it on Cryos' own page. Strange.

Sorry, that last post was from me. I forgot to NC in my haste to seeing what I could find out about Cryos.

Can't find anything on their site, though someone has posted a message they're seeing on FB. However, when I tried to place another order the last date for sending sperm out that I could choose was the last Friday of this month. So it looks like it's true.

Which is why I’ve asked for a little space to deal with my own feelings instead of putting it on him, which I really don’t think is much to ask for if I’m honest. And I think people should think things through before offering and be upfront about how they are feeling instead of keep lying. Maybe it’s just me who thinks that being respectful for others feelings is common decency.

I saw it on Cryos international website. Do you use a different one? X

Sorry, Lou, what I meant to also say (but got distracted by the Cryos news) is that it was shite of him not to let you know he'd changed his mind. I suspect he feels guilty and embarrased, which is why he didn't want to face you about it, but he should really have pulled up his big boy pants and let you know.

i've looked on Cryos International and am not getting that message at all, it's really, really strange. I used to see it if I inadvertantly logged on to one of their other sites (went all around the houses when I first investigated it so my computer will bring up the wrong one, and I'll end up logging on elsewhere by mistake), but I'm still not seeing it on their international site. But it won't let me book a delivery for after this month.

For me, it's probably, in some ways a good thing. Although I doubt I'll be able to try any other way (meeting a random gives me the heebie jeebies and I can't afford / get to a clinic) I could see myself getting into debt by thinking I'll just give it one more shot each month, and I really can't afford that. I'll just have to hope this last attempt works.

Fingers crossed for you that it does.
I have found another sperm bank in Denmark that seems to have find a way to navigate around delivery but charges you more for the privilege.
I’m not sure how to find out how reputable they are though, anyone got any ideas? X

Thanks Lou. Is it the Sellmer Diers sperm bank? They're being mentioned on the Cryos FB page. I'd looked at them in the past and was put off by the price, but I might have gone with them otherwise.

The other option is to use the Ciconia clinic in Aarhus (where Cryos is located). You can get IUI insemination there, including anonymous donor sperm, for about £600. Someone on FB has recommended it. (In comparison, IUI at a random clinic in the UK is £800 excluding sperm). I know you have flights etc but it might be worth thinking about.

That's really interesting @TimeIhadaNameChange about the IUI for £600 at that clininic I mean. Do you know if they contact your doctor here in the U.K.? I guess what I'm getting at is could you go there for treatment and come back to the UK presenting to your GP as if you conceived naturally?

The biggest thing that puts me off treatment is having that on my medical records. To be honest I'm spending approximately £300 on hotel room and travel to meet a donor so since IUI has a higher probability of pregnancy in the long term it may be a cheaper option if I don't conceive this month.

Yes it is Sellers Diers, I felt their prices where pretty similar to Cryos accept for the additional fee for a health professional.
I have contacted them as I am a health professional and wondered if that would count? I will wait for a response.

I’m not sure how much cheaper it would be with flight and accommodation etc to go abroad but it’s well worth considering. I think if you were looking at IVF it would be cost effective but maybe not so for IUI.
I’m having another set of bloods and scans next Thursday at a clinic here under NHS but know funded treatment will not happen because of BMI.
My MIL has offered to fund some treatment, which is amazing of her but we would need ICSI and I’m really considered about birth defects and abnormalities around this.
Obviously if they occurred naturally then we would deal with it and love out child anyway but everyone aims for a healthy baby and I do not want to increase risks around this if it can be avoided. I don’t know whether she would find a donor cycle which is why we are looking at alternatives.
It’s just one complicated minefield really isn’t it? X

@waiting2BAMummy why would you want to present as conceiving naturally?
Would it upset you for GP etc to know? X

Waiting2BAMummy my doctor already knows I'm doing this by donor. I'm on medication which, as well as the usual 'consult your doctor if pregnant or breastfeeding' advice also includes 'trying to conceive' as well, so like a good girl I did. He asked me how long I'd been trying for and was rather bemused when I said 'last night' - and then I explained about the delivery.

I suspect they would contact your GP - they probably would have to to access medical records etc. Sorry!

Lou - here's a list of healthcare professionals as recognised by Cryos. I think it's a national thing though. How lovely of your MIL to give you money towards this. I'm seriously running out of funds and can't do another cycle after this until I have some more money behind me. I just need to hope it works this time round.

I should be ovulating on Monday, but am testing already. The battery in my thermometer has died and I haven't yet got a new one but that may not be a bad thing, considering how much my temp analysis freaked me out last month!

I don't really know what my hang up about it is. If my AI donation doesn't work this month though I may have to get over it as this is my fifth attempt. That said the first couple of months I was using cheap OPK's and based on when I have got my positive's since then I was inseminating at completely the wrong times! Since my last attempt I have lost a little weight, stopped drinking caffeine completely and cut out fast food and chocolate so hopefully I have a better chance this month.

Fingers crossed for you @TimeIhadaNameChange

That’s brilliant @Waiting2BAMummy that you’ve made all those changes, I will keep my fingers crossed that this is your month.
X

Hey all 😁

First time posting on this forum, had a read through some of your posts and glad to see there's others in our situation.

Same sex couple, never done any insemination/iui before. Just starting out and looking for advice.
We were originally going to do IUI at a clinic but considering other options as I know it can be costly. We have come across Pride angel, and although we originally thought nothing of it, someone has reached out to us and offered to help.

Have any of you got any experiences regarding this?

He is wanting to come to our house for the deed, I originally mentioned meeting in a hotel but maybe this is more awkward.
My DP has PCOS and irregular periods, how much of a problem could this cause with home insemination?

Any tips/advice to us just starting out on our journey?

Thanks in advance and good luck too all!