TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

I'm currently CD 25 with an average of 28 days, so I've got a wee while to go.

Good luck for Sunday, Waiting!

Yes time changes can definitely make a difference to temp. I don't track mine but I don't sleep well and don't go to bed and get up at the same time each day so kind of feel like it would be futile.

Thanks for the luck @TimeIhadaNameChange I hope the witch stays away for you x

That's me out for this month. The red lady made an appearance this morning. One more try then we're out for the forseeable.

Any other news?

Bless you @TimeIhadaNameChange I'm so sorry the witch got you. Would you consider finding a local 'fresh' donor so that you can keep going? I found mine on co-parents you have to pay I think it's about £27 a month.

I took a cheap Asda test on Friday and yesterday and an FRER this morning all negative. I'm confused though as I thought your leutal phase was always the same length? Last month I ovulated on CD15 and my cycle was 26 days which means I have a leutal phase of 11 days. I month I ovulated on CD 16 and today is CD28 with so far no signs of the witch. I have af type cramps on 8&9 dpo which I hopefully (clutching at straws) thought might be implantation cramps but if I was pregnant and had implanted then the test would be positive by now surely?

Hi, Waiting2BAMummy - thanks! I wouldn't be totally against using a local donor but it would be difficult if he were very local (in a small community) and wider afield would make it harder to meet up (I don't drive, and am too busy to take days off just now). Plus the legal side of things is a concern. DP was convinced he could persuade somebody, but he seems to be going off that idea. We'll see how attempt 3 goes and then take it from there.

I'm sorry you've got a negative too. No idea of luteal phase, but I did find this. I have heard some people don't get a BFP until a few days after AF was expected, but I don't know how common that is. Maybe test again in a couple of days if the witch hasn't arrived?

I understand the distance issues @TimeIhadaNameChange my donor is 2 hours away and trying to get the timings right is a challenge.

I was initially going to wait and test tomorrow (14dpo) but I caved and tested early. The only tests I have left are 2 CB digitals and I know they are not as sensitive as FRER. I might get an FRER tomorrow and take in wednesday morning if the witch hasn't arrived.

Any news, @Waiting2BAMummy?

Af is well on her way @TimeIhadaNameChange she hasn't fully arrived yet but will have by tomorrow. Just to rub salt in the wound I came into the office this morning to an email with photos of a newborn baby. One of the ladies in my office was due June 7th but had her baby yesterday. Really fed up today. Thank you for asking x

So sorry to hear that, @Waiting2BAMummy. And that's rubbish about the baby photos. I understand, I heard a couple of weeks ago that someone I used to work with, who has a 1yo, is now pregnant again. It's gutting.

I ended up taking another test yesterday - my period was really short, and lighter than usual, and I wondered if it had been a false period (as mentioned by would-be MIL). But still negative. Oh well, here's to this month's squidging!

Thanks @TimeIhadaNameChange I've pulled myself together today. Still gutted but getting upset doesn't change it just have to move onto the next cycle. Good luck for this cycle x

Hi girls! Sorry I've been MIA I need to catch up, I've been having a mare organising move etc.. how are you all??

Hi @Freezerbump welcome back we missed you. How is the move going? I'm going to view a 2 bedroom house tomorrow. I currently live in a 2 bed maisonette but it's above a restaurant so I have to walk up and down a set of metal stairs just to get to my front door - can't be doing that when heavily pregnant/ with a newborn baby.

I'm on CD3 of a new cycle.

Have you got a move date yet?

I'm good! Mental busy and on an ass reduction plan to get my body ship shape for 3 months before starting again!

Hope you're all doing well, currently surrounded with boxes 🙄

Hey Ladies, looks like cyros are no longer shipping to home addresses anymore! Something to do with danish law!

Wow! Not that I'm really contemplating going down that route due to cost and timing precision but it was always an option.

Hope that doesn't affect anyone here too badly.

Exactly @bitheby I’ve been fortunate to find a donor so will hopefully be progressing down that route. But Cryos was a back up option! I guess cost wise it’s very similar to going to a clinic.

I know @freezerbump had used them, but not sure if anyone else was planning this??

Hi ladies, don't panic, it's been like that for a while.. just comes via the us as a shipping route to address the issue 😊

@freezerbump when I was looking earlier it said they cannot deliver to a private address, it has to be a clinic - have I missed something? 🤔 it’s good to still have a back up option x

Just while I'm back on the thread for a bit I'll give a quick update.

I'm feeling quite down.

All bar one of my chicks died just before hatching. I don't know why. One tried to hatch but didn't complete and the other two died before they could try.

I still don't have a start date for work.

Had a smear test last week and mentioned to the nurse that the frequency of my periods is increasing and she said that's a sign of perimenopause.

I feel like I'll never be a mum and life is all a bit rubbish.

Boyfriend said he'd come over tonight but now can't come.

Now you know why I've been avoiding the thread! Don't mean to be the harbinger of doom.

I am handraising an only chick which is quite cute. Hoping to get a couple of friends for it as my hen has been sitting on eggs too. Lost all faith in the incubator. Hoping it's not symbolic of my general infertility.

@LanieM87 yep, there's a click through on the initial warning page that diverts you to the us site, is still legit, that's the one that you can still get home deliveries from, has been that way for about 18months now.

@bitheby sweetie I'm sorry, don't feel down, about your chicks or yourself. You're menstruating, get yourself a fertility check at a clinic, cost me about £160 private, then you know for sure, might just be body having a wobble, don't give up hope until you have been checked out. Us lady folks bodies have bonkers phases that don't necessarily mean anything xx

Yeah. Literally still menstruating. Waiting for it to start any minute.

I had a fertility check when I turned 40 and the clinic said my fertility was 'very high' for my age. Tubes all clear too. It was just the polyp that I waited over 18 months to have removed.

Feel so bloody tearful about all of it.

@bithebi if your fertility was very high for your age at 40 it's unlikely that it's declined massively since then I wouldn't give up hope yet. Have you had your appointment with the occupational health doctor yet? Sorry to hear about your chicks that's really sad.

So my donor decided he doesn't want to help me anymore unless I HELP him more. To be honest I'm glad as last time he made me 'help' him and even groped me as he said he needed more help and asked it was okay after the event. I was scared of trying to find someone else but now I have and he's coming on Sunday night. Going to give a donation Sunday night and Monday morning and due to get my positive opk on Monday afternoon based on the last 3 months.

That is absolutely NOT ok and you are well rid! You don't want his genetics in your child.

Ah ok thanks @freezerbump I obviously didn’t read through it properly! 😂

Sorry you’re having a rough time @bitheby as others have said surely your fertility won’t have dropped that much in such a short space of time.

Oh my @Waiting2BAMummy that sounds horrific! I must admit this is what makes me wary of “live” donors. I’ve been chatting with two and met one last week, just to have a face to face. The other one is willing to help me when I ovulate next week, but he’s not done this before unlike the other guy who has. I swear it’s a minefield!
Anyway I’m glad you’ve found someone else and hopefully he won’t be as creepy!

Donors are like buses, you're trying to find one and then three come along at once!
One of them I really like and he is only in London which isn't that far from me. However, he messaged me at lunchtime to say he doesn't charge but does allow his recipients to donate money to his daughter's education if they wish. Is it just me that thinks this is terrible? I wouldn't be able to receive a donation from him without feeling like I should give him money for his daughters education which I really cannot afford alongside travel costs, the costs of the hotel room (in London!), ovulation tests, pre-seed and trying to save money to support us when I'm on maternity leave for my own child. Besides if you chose to send your child to private school in the first place why should other people be funding it? I know he said, if they wish but I would feel too guilty receiving a donation not to. So despite the fact that on paper he would be my first choice out of the three I have to choose from I really don't think I can.

@LanieM87 many people meet donors who are lovely don't let my experience put you off. I should have seen the red flags earlier as when the initial donation didn't work he would repeatedly ask me if I though we should 'try another way'. You'll be fine and I wish you all the luck in the world for your first attempt next week.