TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

So, ladies.... I'm thinking of going through access fertility for full on ivf... have you any experience? Ever thought about it?

Is there a reason why you can't do IUI? It's cheaper. I looked into it and was ready to go ahead before they found the polyp.

It's obviously similar to what you've been doing at home but they can control the timing of ovulation much more precisely with drugs.

Far less invasive too as no need for egg collection.

@bitheby oh lovely, I had a relationship which was super unhealthy (not saying yours is obvs!) but his level of ocd cleanliness and the tantrums that ensued if the granite worktop had a smear on it kept me in a constant state of anxiety..

Don't get me wrong I can do with being more tidy as a human, but being so concerned with it that is causes rows is difficult, I found I always compromised and he never did, at mine he lived like a pig and I had to clear up round him, where at his if I moved a cushion it was an issue.

Compromise is fine if both sides do it xx

Not really, I just figure that 2 cycles of self may be a sign that I need a little more oomph, maybe I should go the whole hog?

It's 7k for 2 cycles as opposed to 4 ici, I'm just thinking that if that's where it's headed maybe I should get on with it?

@Freezerbump it can take couples who have access to each other whenever they want a year or more to get pregnant so in the scheme of things 2 months really isn't a lot but I do get where you're coming from. This is my 4th cycle of actually trying (6cycles since first try) and I'm thoroughly fed up. I guess that's why I arranged to meet this other donor because I'm just so desperate to have it work and it's cost me £109 for a hotel room that is currently standing empty!

Timing is so critical as you know.

I'm using fresh donor spark so that gives me a much wider window. If after 3 or 4 tries it's not working then I'll go for IUI.

With frozen your window is about 12 hours to match sperm and egg which is so tiny really. Fresh sperm can be there waiting for ovulation for several days.

I'd be inclined to go IUI rather than IVF but that's mostly because I'm squeamish about injections and drugs and the whole full on ness of it.

I did have a fertility MOT at a clinic first though so no indication that anything is wrong. I'd recommend that. I think I paid around £500 altogether.

*sperm obvs. My phone doesn't like me typing it. Usually autocorrects to sleek 🙄

Your chances of conception are probably higher with 2 rounds of ivf than with 4ici @Freezerbump so if that's what you're thinking then go for it.

It is obviously much more invasive than ici but then the odds are much better and you know everything is being done at the right time.

I have thought about it but I don't want that in my doctors notes does that sound stupid?

I'm sorry about your bf @bithebi you're right should feel excited about seeing him and not worried if your floor is clean enough. Anyone who deserves you will want to see you and wouldn't care what your floor looks like.

@Freezerbump she is still here and has been all in all an okay visit. I have been at work and doing long hours so it's been a blessing really.

Sorry I haven't been active. My partner and I have had a few really bad arguments recently and a lot of it has to do with my obsession with TTC. So I have been trying to stay off all my fertility apps until it's closer to test time. No symptom spotting for me this month. Not that there is much to say at 4dpo!

Glad to hear the visit's been ok, Dosmamas but sorry to hear about the arguments, that's tough. It is a very stressful time, though, I think we can all agree on that! I mean, I snapped at poor DP a couple of weeks ago. I know I was provoked but still, there were better ways to have tackled it.

Waiting2BAMummy - that's a shame about your donor. And I totally understand your annoyance about his children being sick. It was like me at the weekend when I heard DP agreeing to go to his hometown at the beginning of next week rather than in the middle as he'd originally planned, because his daughter was going to be up earlier than he'd thought. But that's when I'm expecting to ovulate, and I was pissed he was prioritising her over me. I knew I couldn't say anything though, he only sees her and her kids a few times a year, and I'm sure I'd be capable of 'squiggling' myself, but I still couldn't help feeling peeved. As it was he immediately went back to his original plan once he realised, even though I tried to persuade him not to, knowing that his reasons for going early were stronger than his reasons for staying. I just hope his daughter isn't too upset that she won't see him for as long, especially knowing the reason why.

Freezerbump - I have no experience whatsoever, but it seems like your best bet. Good luck with it! Do you know which clinic you'll use?

bitheby - how did it go last night? Did he really mean he'd come over to clean, or was that code for a shag? (I've read what you wrote and I'm assuming the former, but it just seems too strange to me so I thought I'd check). As has been said, relationships shouldn't be like that. A friend popped round the other day and we're as far removed cleaning wise from each other as we could be. Her house is always spotless, mine definitely isn't. She hoovers at least once a day whereas mine can go a month or more (I try and do it every weekend, but it doesn't always happen). I did apologise to her the next day but she said she really wasn't bothered (even though I realised when she left I'd left my dirty knickers on my bed that morning, but I really hadn't been expecting anyone to see). Random pop-ins happen once or twice a year for me.

But what I'm saying is, she really couldn't care less, and doesn't judge me on the state of my house. I'm sure, if I asked, she'd come and help me clean too, not that it's that bad. But that's the sort of friend / partner you want in your life, not someone who criticises.

As for me, things are all tickety-boo here. Though DP is getting obsessed with my cycle just now. His first words to me this morning were "Are you feeling fertile?" and no, that wasn't code for anything!

What I wanted to mention was that I asked a running group if anyone knew if running could disrupt implantation. I didn't think it really would, but it was bothering me so wanted to ask. Most people who replied said no, and mentioned their wives getting pregnant despite doing loads of exercise. But then one woman replied saying she'd used to work in an IVF clinic, and that they would advise women there not to run or cycle. I'm presuming the level of exercise she was talking about is much higher than my feeble attempts, but nevertheless I'm sticking to it just in case. I thought I'd share this in case it was helpful to any of you.

He meant coming round to clean. He's really trying to be helpful because he knows it causes me stress.

But I was in such a tizzy by the time he arrived that we ended up shagging anyway, which suited me better actually as I needed to relax much more than I needed my carpet done! We didn't shag on the carpet so that's ok.

I'm just sensitive to it because my ex girlfriend was very particular about housework and told me that she would never live with me because of it plus a whole long list of things including me not being vegetarian. So when he said it too I was beginning to think I'm a freak that no-one will ever want to live with, even those who supposedly love me.

Anyway, we had a lovely time in the end but I am very conflicted as realistically there's no future in this and yet he's started saying he loves me again and I can feel my resolve weakening.

@Dosmamas bless you hopefully this will be your month and you and your partner can relax and enjoy the next 9 months. This is a stressful time for everyone involved and I think even more so for the person actually going through the inseminations every month. Glad the mil visit is going well it sounds like work are keeping you busy and taking your mind off things.

Thank you @TimeIhadaNameChange I think I felt so annoyed because I was wasting £100 (although I have now managed to get my money back) but also because I think he was lying. What are the chances of BOTH of your children developing chicken pox on the very same day?? As it is I haven't had my positive opk yet and am holding out for Saturday although tbh as long as I don't get it tomorrow it doesn't matter when as I'm seeing my original donor this weekend anyway and will just stay longer if need be.

@bithebi you need to figure out if your dp is good for you. I'm glad he helped to relieve your stress but remember he was the cause of it in the first place. Obviously you know him better than me and I'm not here to judge but it sounds to me like he makes you feel bad more often than he does good.

@Freezerbump any more thoughts on the IVF? It's a lot to think about and very brave if you decide that's the route to take. Have you looked at clinics abroad? I've read about some and you might get 3 treatments abroad (even with travel & accommodation expenses) for the price of 2 in the U.K.

I get stressed a lot. Life with autism is a life spent mostly in a state of high nervous arousal. It just is. Lights, noise, smells all bombard us all day long and most people just live with it. For me, it's not so easy.

So I got stressed. I can't really blame him for that. We talked about it and he apologised. He said that he wants to help and support me and if he inadvertently did the opposite then he's profoundly sorry. I've honestly never had someone be this supportive and interested in me in my life. It's not perfect. But it's good more than it's bad or I would t be in it.

Ultimately I want to find someone to settle down with and he's already told me he won't be that person. That's what's difficult.

Anyway. Let's talk about what we're really here for, TTC. Good news on the flashy test. Maybe you dodged a bullet with the other guy. Chicken pox is highly contagious so it's possible he's not lying and even if you have already had it you don't really want to be exposed to it at the moment.

Well there's good news here. After stressing about the delivery not coming til Monday it's turned up here today, so that's a relief! And I got a catheter too for IUI - I know it's risky but I'm certain we can reduce risk of infection as much as possible. Just have to get the ovulation tests out again!

The nursery where I work got a load of clothes donated the other day. They put them out for people to help themselves, and despite saying I wouldn't I took two sleep suits. Maybe they'll be my lucky charm instead of a harbinger of doom!

Plus I picked up over £110 worth of new children's books for free! They're for me, though.

Glad your tank arrived earlier than suggested @TimeIhadaNameChange it seems it's good news Friday as my smiley face is still flashing this afternoon and have my first insemination tomorrow morning so timing is perfect should get my static face tomorrow or Sunday.

Happy Friday everyone!

@Waiting2BAMummy is this your weekend?? I'm so sorry I've been absent! I can't remember if it was this week or next. If it's this weekend then fingers crossed for you! Go and make that baby!

@TimeIhadaNameChange I don't want to be condescending but please be careful with that catheter! The introduction of pathogens to the uterus can be such bad news. I don't want you to hurt yourself or your chances. Have you practiced doing your aseptic technique? Do you have a speculum? Basically the catheter can not touch any external part of your labia and vulva or your vaginal canal (that's if you are planning to go past the cervix) or are you planning on placing the semen directly onto the cervix?

@bitheby are you seeing a psychologist at the moment to help with your diagnosis? Is that an option?

I've been trying not to symptom spot this TWW but really I have been, last month was awful from Ovulation-AF, this TWW I have had very little in the way of cramping and it's been nice. I've been feeling really happy and euphoric at times, only 7dpo, but Last night I had a bizarre feeling in my uterus. Like a Pin's and needles burning. Only lasted an hour or so and I have a stuffy nose and sore throat. Which I'm not convinced is anything to do with pregnancy but more so the fact that people keep coming to work sick and infecting everyone! 😩...still though..it's playing on my mind

@Dosmamas yes it is this weekend. I did my first insemination this morning (can take the softcup out in a couple of hours). Haven't got my static smiley face yet but the line is getting darker when I remove the strip so it might be tomorrow. I've read that it's good to dtd before the positive opk as well of on the day so hopefully having already done so today will help? I've never used soft cups before but it was actually a lot easier than I imagined and I didn't spill any baby juice -go me! It sounds ridiculous but it always bothered me that there was always some left in the bottom of the specimen pot but he did his thing directly into the soft cup so no wastage (we do have some lovely conversations don't we?! I honestly couldn't talk about this stuff with anyone but you guys they just wouldn't get it). I've just got back to the hotel went into town for a wander no I absolutely did not look at maternity or baby clothes-okay okay I did.

Bless you the TWW is literally the worst. Every time I tell myself I'm not going to symptom spot and then I find myself asking google if sneezing is a sign of early pregnancy- yes that happened! We all do it it's perfectly normal and I have my fingers tightly crossed for you.

Got my self in a spin here, just took my bra off and my boobs are so sore! Down the sides of them almost my arm pits l. I haven't had sore boobs for years. I can't believe I said I wouldn't symptom spot this month! Last night, weird burning tingling feeling in uterus, sore throat today, euphoria and crying with joy, now sore boobs. I promised I wouldn't do this but I can't help it!! I'm still so far away from being able to test. My partner and I promised no testing until i am very late. But if this continues then we will have to agree on a date. Maybe good Friday?

@Waiting2BAMummy how do you
Feel did it go smoothly?

How many donations are you having?

Everything crossed @Dosmamas! So hope this is your time xxx

@Dosmamas they all sound like really good symptoms. I think good Friday seems like a good compromise if testing before missed af. You'll be 13 dpo by then so any result (although not guaranteed) is likely to be correct by that point. I so have my fingers crossed for you 🤞

It went okay this morning I'm super tired though as I didn't get here until after 1am and was up at 6 as I didn't know what time he was coming. At the moment I'm having 3 donations but I might stay Monday night too and have a 4th on Tuesday morning. Really depends on when I get my static smiley face I think it should be tomorrow but the last 2 have been on Monday so I could get it Monday. If I don't get it tomorrow I will definitely stay Monday night but last month I got my positive on the Monday and had ewcm on Wednesday so if I do get it Monday I don't know if I should stay Tuesday night too? I'm pulling out all the stops on this one as I really want it to be the last time I have to travel up here.

@bitheby Thankyou!!

@Waiting2BAMummy the general advice is once you get your positive then insem that day and the next. So I think if you get it tomorow then tomorow and Monday will be fine!