TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

Thanks, everyone.

I think we'll skip this coming cycle. I'm waiting til this weekend to do another pregnancy test (as per DP's orders!!!) and I think it would be too rushed to do it immediately after that. I think a month free from am I / aren't I stress would probably be useful too.

Dosmamas - good luck for today!

Morning Ladies - so I'm in a quandary. I've been using the same donor since November of last year and this month will be be my 4th attempt. He has already agreed to this month for several donations.

My dilemma is that 2 men on the co-parenting website that I used have contacted me offering their help. They are both younger and one of them is about half way between me and my current donor so easier to get to.

Do I stay with my current donor for this month and if it doesn't work try with someone new or do I consider trying someone new this month?

My first inseminations will be next weekend so I kind of feel like it's too close to be thinking about trying someone new now and I feel ungrateful to my current donor as he has already agreed to accommodate my requests for this month. The thought of meeting a new donor also stresses me out as it was hard enough meeting this one.

Any thoughts?

Waiting2BAMummy - I think I'd stick with your current guy but start cultivating the other two. How much contact have you had with them (especially the closer of the two)? If you stick with your current arrangements then it gives you an extra month to get to know new nearer guy better, without having to miss this month or jump in with this guy sooner than your comfortable with.

Hi ladies. Not posted on this thread for a little while. But I am now in the position to start looking for a donor either via cryos or via a donor site - for those that are using a “real life” donor can I ask how far away he is from you? I kind of like the idea of him not being on my doorstep, but practically it makes sense for timings etc.

Hi @LanieM87. Mine is about 2 hours away. Close enough to be practical but far away enough so that our circles don't interconnect in any way.

Good luck!

Thanks @TimeIhadaNameChange that's kind of where my head is at too. I haven't had any real communication with either of the other 2 donors and don't really want to meet someone I haven't really communicated with yet. Hopefully this time next month I won't need either of them!

Hi @LanieM87 mine is also 2 hours away and I agree with @bithebi it's far enough away that I'm not going to bump into him in Tesco but close enough to travel to. Although when I've had my positive OPK in the afternoon and I'm at work even that 2 hour travel can be an issue.

@bitheby @waiting2BAmummy thanks for your replies it’s really helpful! I was thinking around a 2hr maximum is probably far enough. May I also ask how long you chatted for before 1st donation? I feel like I’d want to get to know the donor fairly well, but I’m also a bit unsure of what the conversation would be like haha

@LanieM87

So to cut a very long story short, I was waiting for over 18 months for a polypectomy and then started chatting to a donor around 8 hours away! We were all lined up to try my second cycle after the op. I spoke to him for about a month.

Then the week before, he had a sudden close bereavement and dropped out. I was devastated and went on the Just a Baby app, found two likely contenders and talked to them for a few days before asking if meeting the following week was too soon.

That wasn't the way I intended to do it but I am careful and cautious and I think I would've been happy with my donor even if I talked to him longer. The only thing against him really is age. He's over 50. But he's done it before and I think that trumps the 20 year olds who think it's a good idea but might not when it actually comes to it.

So in my case around 7-10 days before donation and it worked ok.

@bitheby ah ok interesting! I guess if you get a good feeling then there’s no reason not to go ahead. Fingers crossed I get chatting to someone decent soon!
I’m still tempted to go down the Cryos route for a couple of tries.

@LanieM87 I didn't know my donor for that long before my first try either but he seemed like a genuine guy. He has two children of his own and has been a donor twice before. You have to go with your gut.
The thing that puts me off of using cyros is that the sperm does not live as long once it has been frozen so you have to be even more precise about your timings - that and it's still quite expensive even if less so than treatment in a clinic.
You have to do what is right for you though. I was so nervous the first time I met my donor but it has kind of a surreal normality to it now.

Ok girls, donor is en route, pre-seed is in. I'm currently on the couch shaking in nervous anticipation. Insemination about to happen in about 45 minutes 🙈🙈🙈

Gifted with a lovely peak OPK this morning so I'm very happy with timing. Sister in law sold her house today and my girl got her start date for her new job, good luck comes in three's here we go!!!

Official test date is Good Friday. I don't think this is Jesus's plan 😂😂😂

Love you guys, my little fertility gems 😂

Haha @Dosmamas

All the very best of luck to you!!

OMG that's such good news @Dosmamas this is definitely your month everything is falling into place. I'm so glad for you I know you were so stressed out yesterday.

You've got this. Good luck x

@Waiting2BAMummy @bitheby

I hope so, i hope it's worth this anxiety! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Absolutely worth it!

I'm an aspire. Only diagnosed 18 months ago so still getting used to the identity. I find all social interactions pretty fraught but meeting a stranger to put his semen inside you must rank right up there! I shook my donor's hand. No idea if that's the correct protocol!!

*aspie

Bless you @bithebi very brace of you to put yourself out there and meet a complete stranger. Your future child is very lucky to have a mummy who wants them so much.

My donor always hugs me when he arrives and before he leaves makes me feel really uncomfortable but don't really feel I have the right to say anything when he is doing what he is for me.

I wanted to hug mine for what he was doing for me but it seemed a bit forward given that we'd only just met. The whole thing is incredibly surreal.

@Waiting2BAMummy

I would say try with this donor one more time, you have built a good relationship with him. Try one more time and then if need be (hopefully not though) go with the donor who is closer, you can use the extended time to learn more about him and reorganise yourself. So excited for you next weekend!

@bitheby Thankyou for telling us about your new diagnosis, must feel like a new world out there now you are figuring yourself out. I'm glad you were able to get a diagnosis (sorry if that sounds insensitive , so many women struggle to be diagnosed)

I know what you mean about wanting to hug the donor. We have him petrol money and he was like "are you sure?" Lol mate! I would give you my kidney if you can give me a baby. £15 is nothing!

So @bitheby and @Freezerbump are we all still cycling the same? I am CD 15 now, ovulation due tomorow. Just inseminated tonight.

Aww thanks @Dosmamas I'll be messaging my fertility crew from my hotel room! I have no idea what I'll do with myself all weekend I'm going up Friday night and planning to come back Monday but that depends on when I actually get my peak opk.

Sounds like you got on well with your new donor I'm really happy for you. Have everything crossed for you for this cycle x

@Waiting2BAMummy same to you! Just talk to us whilst you wait. Do some fertility mindfulness? Visualise the sperm meeting the egg!

I'm on CD19 as I had another short cycle last month and so I probably ovulated a week ago. Didn't bother to track this month, although I considered it to get more practice in.

I'm all caught up with incubating eggs. I have ducks and chickens and one of my breeding hens has caught a horrible (and fatal) infection. I usually would allow the hens to go broody naturally but I'm intervening and trying to hatch some eggs from her and her friend in case she also succumbs.

I've never used an incubator before. The temperature and the humidity need to be just so. I'm currently in the settling period to make sure I've got the room warm enough so the eggs have the best chance.

I do wonder whether I would be doing this if I wasn't in the situation I'm in myself.

Also I live in a drafty old cottage and the only room I can consistently get warm enough is the room I've earmarked as the baby's room.

So it's full of all the baby stuff I've bought, an oil radiator and an empty incubator.

I think a therapist might have stuff to say about this.