TTC - First time home insemination

[libbyidk]

First time posting so bare with me.

We are in a same sex relationship, and I just thought i'd share our story so far to see if anyone else is going through the same or has any advice/tips for myself and my partner.

We first went to a private clinic, and payed hundreds for scans, blood tests, screening etc, only to be told my partner couldn't donate her eggs (we were counting on this as it lowers the price by about 3-4000 pounds!), we were then told we should try IUI at the clinic which would cost us about 2-3000 pounds. We went home after this appointment and had a chat, we decided to try home insemination first, and if it doesn't work after 2 times, we will then go back to the clinic, but I wasn't finding them very helpful, and they were quite rude to us!

We searched online for sperm banks and came across cryos in denmark. We researched all the legal complications and know all about it, and decided as so many people do try this, we were going to as well. We ordered our anonymous washed donor sperm (MOT20) 2 vials (all we could afford.)

It arrived on tuesday (it lasts for 7 days in a nitro tank), and I started using the clear blue dual hormone predictor kit. I also use a fertility app and have been vaguely monitoring my cervical mucas. I tested negative from monday (the start of my fertility window) until yesterday (friday) i went straight from negative to peak on the clear blue monitor! I researched this to make sure it was right and I saw that a lot of people go straight from low to peak, especially if they missed their surge (which i may have done). The app also said I was due to have peak fertility friday and saturday, so i'm confident in the test and we decided to inseminate one vial on friday at 6pm (8 hours after my positive result) and we inseminated again on sunday at 6am. Just before I had the insemination, I was getting pretty bad cramps and I think ovulation may have started, although i'm not 100%. I got some cramp after inseminating too.

Frozen sperm lives in the body for 12-24 hours (apparantly) but some swimmers can last longer. So we inseminated at 6pm which will cover me (hopefully) until 6pm saturday, whilst also inseminating at 6am saturday which would cover me until 6am (hopefully) sunday. We sat and talked constantly about the timing but we just decided to go for it, as like everybody says, even if the timing is perfectly right and your CM is perfect, there is still only a 10-20% chance of conception.

I'm just praying my clearblue test was correct and my peak is friday and saturday like it shows. (My app also shows this like i said). I have a 29 day cycle and it's hardly EVER irregular, so I think we've done all what we should have.

Now we're onto our two week wait which i'm not looking forward to! Like I keep saying to myself, it is our first time trying and we could have done a number of things wrong. It is just trial and error from here on out! If anyone else wants to share their story about home insemination with frozen sperm, using clearblue monitors / success stories, i would really appreciate that!

Oh @TimeIhadaNameChange sorry it's a neg for you, but don't give up hope :)
@Dosmamas I completely get it, have a month off? That seems to work for me, I get the urge again :)
@bitheby hope the job sorts itself out soooooon
@Waiting2BAMummy when's your next go?

Oh I'm sorry @TimeIhadaNameChange. Hopefully next time is your time.

I used the Just a Baby app. There are some weirdos but I found a couple of good guys, one of whom I tried with.

Dosmamas
Thank you for your reply. It`s been very helpful.

Thanks, guys!

Bitheby - I downloaded that app yesterday (I wasn't feeling hopeful). Got two likes almost immediately. Both in America. Clicked onto one's profile, looked at the pics and quickly closed the app. I wouldn't have been surprised to find a dick pic among them!

Have you paid for the premium version? I'm reluctant as I doubt there's anyone nearby. Annoyingly there was someone on the Co Parent website who was just down the road (literally, I could walk there) and I never made contact. Then again, it would probably have been too close for comfort for him

@TimeIhadaNameChange bless your heart sorry to hear that even though you might believe it hasn't work it's always a kick in the teeth when af arrives. At least now you can move on and plan your next cycle.

@Freezerbump af arrived yesterday and based on my last 2 cycles I got my positive OPK on day 13 and 14 however they were both Mondays exactly 28 days apart so I don't know if there is some pattern in that. Anyway days 13&14 are next weekend so depending on what my donor can do I'm planning on traveling up there next Friday night and dtd Saturday,Sunday and Monday but if I then get my positive opk on Monday I will stay until Wednesday and do Tuesday and Wednesday too as I've booked the week off work. How about you?

@Dosmamas @bitgebi how are you both today?

I didn't pay for premium. I didn't put a photo on initially and I had loads of likes. I was propositioned for sex and had people liking me from as far away as Australia!

But I ended up speaking to two men around 2 hours away and both were keen to help. I chose the guy who had successfully donated through a clinic and had all the paperwork plus an STI screen. So it was like using a clinic but I got to see photos of him and then met him for a chat.

We had things in common, he's intelligent and attractive and comes from a part of the UK that I have ancestry and probably would've chosen had I known but was pure intuition/ luck.

I hope to use him again in a few months.

@Waiting2BAMummy Sperm needs time to replenish so I wouldn't do every day. Every other day would be better. Otherwise the later donations won't contain much.

@TimeIhadaNameChange I liked men who were geographically suitable and otherwise met my requirements and waited for them to message me. That worked really well and I very quickly had about 4 prospects that I worked down to my top 3 then top 2 then preferred option and backup.

That makes sense, bitheby. I deleted the app very quickly, decided it was getting far too dodgy too quickly for my liking!

I did find someone last year on the Co Parents website. He lives on the south coast, so as far away from me as you could get in the UK, but he seemed quite honest and decent. But who knows? I could probably track him down again, but it would have to wait til the end of the year for various reasons.

My DP continues to crack me up. He rang his mother last night and told her I wasn't pregnant, as I had my period. Her reaction was to say it might be a false period and that I should wait a week and then take another test. He asked if it would be different to a usual period and she said it might not be.

Fair enough. I know these things happen though they're not common. But I don't mind waiting, and I'd probably skip this month anyway. But it just tickled me that DP was discussing my period with my mother. I should be outraged as I like my privacy, but I just laughed. It's not the conversation I'd ever have with my mother. Her reaction to periods are far removed from those of my would-be MIL (and, consequently, her son).

Apparently his ex was asking about the whole procedure as well when he last saw her. No idea how much detail he went into, I dread to think!

You're so patient @TimeIhadaNameChange I literally hate being talked about, in any context. If someone was talking about me and sharing all of our news like that I would be loosing my mind. I'm sure it's his aspergers as they tend to have no filter but I know I wouldn't be able to deal with that. I hope he appreciates you!

I'm not that patient, Waiting2BAMummy - I snapped at him last week about it! I don't mind his friends and family in his hometown knowing, it's people here knowing that bothers me, partly because there are implications re work if certain people hear on the grapevine. I'm also not impressed that he said he'd tell someone he helped out because I asked him to, rather than because he rather insisted on taking part. Not only do I feel pathetic for wanting a child, and wanting one so badly I'm having to use a sperm donor, but this change of his motivation is him trying to continue to put some distance between us. I know out relationship is difficult for him, which is why, in a way, he is telling all and sundry, but Grrrr!

On the other hand he's doing overtime this weekend partly do add some more money to the post of round 2, which is sweet.

Bless you @TimeIhadaNameChange it must be difficult and Aspergers or not you are allowed to be annoyed with him. On some level he has to at least try to acknowledge that his actions have consequences and sometimes hurt peoples feelings. Whatever he wants to tell people though he is obviously still committed to doing it or he wouldn't be doing overtime to help fund your next attempt.

It is in no way pathetic to want a child that much that you are willing to go to these lengths. It's inspiring, whatever you choose to tell your child in the future about how they came to be is up to you but how lovely would it be to know that your mother wanted you so much that she went to these lengths? Besides if you're pathetic then so am I because I don't even had an OH in any content so am completely doing this on my own. I have no family I have unofficially divorced them (including changing my surname by deedpoll) and nobody in real like (other than my donor) has any idea that I'm doing this. I will be picking people up off of the floor when I announce that I am actually pregnant. You know what though, I do not need their approval or judgement this is my journey and my choice as it is yours. You're not pathetic you are just a women who wants a child just as millions of women before you have done, and will continue to do. Due to your circumstances you are having to go about it in a less conventional route but that yearning to be a mother is no different to any else's and you have every right to pursue that path. Don't be so hard on yourself!

Aww, thanks, Waiting2BAMummy. I do understand why he wanted to tell people, he wanted to know what they'd think about the idea (and, probably, whether this would make us seem more of a couple) but why he needed to suss people out after I'd already spent so much money on it I don't know!

I know it's not really pathetic to want a child, it just seems to be for me. I know if I told my mother I wanted a child she'd tell me I didn't, but she's like that. The number of times over the years she's told me someone's pregnant (the someone usually being younger than me) and I've replied 'Lucky bitch!' - is too high to remember. Her reaction is either to ignore me or tell me they're not lucky.

Over the years I've had "You're lucky. If you fall pregnant you can just have an abortion" (with no thought that if I did I might want the baby) and "X said I must be looking forward to being a grandmother one day. I told her I didn't want grandchildren."

Things like that have made me feel I shouldn't have children, and together with "Your future husband doesn't know how lucky he is right now. I mean, he hasn't met you." (with the implication I'd ruin his life) and "Three times married, never a bride" (said to me with glee when I was bridesmaid at my sister's wedding) rather put me off the idea of relationships in case I ended up married (which I wouldn't be anyway, by her last proclamation).

I KNOW fine well it all sounds pathetic, and if you asked her she'd tell you she was joking at all and any of these (Except the grandmother comment) but these, and others, have all been stuck in my head for many, many years. She has said many bizarre things over the years about sex, relationships etc (and then she wonders why I'm so private about my life!!!). And yes, before you ask, I've had years of counselling.

Her reaction to hearing about me being pregnant (if it ever happens) will be along the lines of "You can't be!","Where will you live?", "You'll have to have an abortion" "How will you ever cope?". Each time DP and I have got more animals she's told me I'd never be able to look after them. She seriously doubts my ability to do anything. And she's not that keen on DP (he's older, divorced) and it will absolutely devastate her to realise we're closer than she's been led to believe.

But I want a baby and will do whatever it takes to have one.

Honestly @TimeIhadaNameChange I hear you but you really have to try to ignore her (easier said than done I know) but unfortunately we're not all blessed with the mother's that we deserve. This is your chance to make a change, to the mother that you wish you'd had.

Your mother's opinions are hers and whatever she thinks or feels is irrelevant and unfortunately we cannot choose our family but we can choose if we allow them to impact our lives.

I know everything I've said sounds so simplistic and I make it all sound easy trust me I know that it isn't. I haven't spoken with my mother since August 2017 but her words still resound in my head even now.

You just have to know that you deserve to have the life you choose and if people cannot support, and be happy for you then they do not deserve a place in your future. Unfortunately that goes for family too, and sadly often even our parents. Just because you're related to them doesn't mean you have to like them!

You can do this and you have every right to want a baby - you will be the best mummy both despite her and because of her - you know exactly how you won't be treating your children.

@bitheby @Freezerbump @Waiting2BAMummy @TimeIhadaNameChange

Sorry I have been MIA, I have needed a break, my obsession with all this is causing problems with my partner as I am constantly talking about TTC and its stressing us both out. Insemination tomorow. Never used this donor before, timing isn't perfect but has to be tomorrow as my MIL is coming over from Spain on ovulation day...so infuriating this whole cycle jeopardised. And that's my problem, I am angry all the time. I am angry that I just went through the period from hell all for this Fertile week to get inseminated. I've spent £26 on Clearblue ovulation sticks and I have to inseminate before I am ready because my MIL has invited herself over from Spain.

@TimeIhadaNameChange I thought I commented early this week but I hadn't. I'm so sorry AF finally got you. What's your plans next cycle? Same again?

Sorry about the bold. Makes it seem all very dramatic 😂

@bitheby we are using a donor from Just a Baby tomorow. Not ideal but we have talked over WhatsApp for the past 2 weeks and he is very down to earth. How do you feel about donors that have donated quite a few times? I'm 50/50...my gut tells me no don't do it, but then my head tells me, a sperm bank does the same thing...

Bless you @Dosmamas you're entitled to you feelings. I remember being annoyed in December because Christmas fell when I believed I would be ovulating which meant I had to inseminate 3/4 days before and I had spent money on ovulation tests, the stork, a hotel room and travel.

Just remember that sperm can live in a woman's body for up to 5 days and from what I've been reading they say you're actually better to inseminate in the days even leading up to you positive opk than on the day itself so you still have a chance.

You don't need to apologise for taking time out this is all really stressful and you need to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself physically and mentally.

Good luck with the new donor tomorrow hopefully this one will be a better fit.

Ohh geez @Waiting2BAMummy I take back what I said! Mine is nothing compared to that! You poor thing! 😩 I will inseminate three days before ovulation which is still a good chance. Just my obsession at the moment means I can't deal with the timing being out of my control 😂

@Dosmamas The one I chose has 14 children from the clinic - over ten pregnancies so that will be multiples through IVF. He then said he's helped another two women in the last few years privately.

That's about a sensible limit for me.

I did have Simon Watson recommended to me and I wouldn't touch someone like that with a barge full of barge poles.

It's about the future of the child. I think it would be emotionally damaging to know that you had so many half siblings plus your father was on some kind of strange mission or had a fetish about impregnating women. Choosing someone with values that I can get on board with is incredibly important to me.

I fathered 800 children, claims sperm donor www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-35262535

@bitheby that freak has been messaging me on Facebook. His mate Alan Davies is our second choice, he apparently has 10 donor children but I don't really believe him.

14 is a sensible amount. Ours has more than that. And right now I'm getting bad anxiety cause I think it's too much but we have been talking and We really like him.

@bitheby the talk in the future is the bit that gives me the fear. How do we explain to them in the future? Will our love for the child be enough for them to understand why we did it the way we are? 😩

@Dosmamas Yes. It will be. You will love them very much and that will be enough.

If it works for me I plan to tell them that I really really wanted them and found a very kind man to help me to create them and bring them in to the world

@Dosmamas there is nothing for you to take back honestly it's not a competition as to whose situation is worse I was just trying to let you know that I understand the frustrations.

As for the future talk you have to tell them whatever you think is right but I think your child will be thankful that his/her parents wanted them so much they went to these lengths to bring them into the world.

@bitheby @Waiting2BAMummy Thankyou both. It's helped to say it out loud. Obviously it's one thing I can't talk about with anyone apart from my partner.