#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome! Thread #6

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

Welcome Phoenix! Impressive AMH
Have you had a first consultation with a clinic yet? If you're thinking of doing ICIs at home, I think you need a doctor/nurse to assist you and sign the paperwork. I haven't researched this too much as the legal aspects looked complicated in the UK but I've read of some women in the US who got pregnant this way.

Welcome phoenix
I think I am the only one on this group using the NHS donor sperm Base. It's meant a really long wait. The donor can only father 10 children and the sperm undergoes quiet rigorous testing. We don't have as much choice in terms of choosing the donor but there is some matching down on characteristics. We start our IUI next cycle. When will start yours?

Hey Phoenix welcome
My AMH is 9 and I'm 9 years younger so that's a good start.
When ru looking to start treatment?
Everyone will help u through,they are a good bunch.
My clinic won't use cryos either-mainly because of Zika virus and their tests

Cherry how did ur blood test go?

Ooo cherry hope the blood test went well today, looks positive from your previous tests.

caution sounds like you have been having a tough time of it, hope your health issues start to settle down now

Welcome phoenix you are in the right place for information, the people on this thread have been super helpful for me

I am still waiting on my first consultant appointment to see what they suggest, I am a bit nervous about potential PCOS due to high AMH reading and what that might mean. Also need to lose a bit of weight before starting treatment but got a good motivation 😃

Ah anxiety overload in my head worrying most about something that was said to me at work and who knows hormones. I hate feeling like this 😫

Oh pickle so sorry you're feeling like that, I get really anxious about things like that too, I go through phases where everything makes me anxious - hormones definitely play a part. Sorry you're feeling that way, it's exhausting. In my recent bout of anxiety I found it helpful to remember that things that have spiked my anxiety in the past no longer seem at all important, and that it in a little while, neither will this. Writing things down helps me a lot too. Hope you feel better after a night's sleep x

Oh my goodness caution you poor thing, that sounds like quite an ordeal! You're amazing for getting through it and keeping positive, I hope your journey gets easier from here on.

Welcome to grin and phoenix!

Hi all - thanks for the warm welcome!

I'm hoping to start trying in May and at the moment I'm going turkey baster I'm really lucky in that my cycles are pretty much clockwork, I ovulate quite early in my cycle (usually CD9) & I've been pregnant before. But still terrified. Never thought I'd be going it alone!

Interesting to hear the feedback on Cryos. I've chosen them because I specifically want to use an extended profile, non-anonymous donor. I love the idea of having baby photos & some info on family background. Also my dd and I both have a particular hair colour & I've been told Cryos is the only bank that has that colour as standard - I want baby to look like us lol. Although the pregnancy numbers thing is slightly worrying! They do claim they track them but maybe not well.

phoenix that's awesome!! I considered going 'diy' to save costs, but as I've never tried to get pregnant before I decided to go with a clinic for the extra reassurance, but if I do want a second further down the line I'd definitely consider the turkey baster! Your plans all sound good. It's been said many a time on this thread before but I'm sure it's totally normal to be terrified! I'm going it alone too, I swing between terrified and excited on an almost daily basis. Finding this thread has helped a lot!

Snorkmaiden I'm already swinging like that haha but generally do anyway just as a single parent.

Wondering who you've all told about your plans? I had a conversation with my ExH this morning. We're very amicable and his new partner recently had a miscarriage which she was understandably devastated by. I wanted him/them to know in advance because I know how painful any pregnancy news can be and I didn't want to spring it on them if I'm successful. I've also told a couple of close friends and my mum. I've been surprised that nobody's told me they think I'm crazy. I think some of them are worried as I had terrible PND and post natal psychosis but I've spoken to my therapist and I'll be monitored heavily throughout my pregnancy. Really just can't wait to get started and I'm trying to not make it mean everything it does so I don't get crushed by the tww!

Hi everyone, just back from my third scan and all systems are go for egg collection on Friday morning!

This ivf short protocol has been an absolute joy! I'm happy, very positive and even though I have 17eggs and some are at 21mm, I'm feeling great, no side effects from the drugs at all and as I've cut out refined sugar (so I could eat nuts and avocados) my weight has stayed on point too.

Let's hope this time it works!

Last night my acupuncturist suggested I spend some time meditating and sending some positivity and love to my donors little swimmers sitting in deep freeze at the clinic, so that's what I'm doing!

phoenix so I told family, friends, those would would wonder who the heck got me pregnant. During my first ivf I was very open with everyone, including work about what I was doing. When it didn't work, the hardest part was dealing with everyone's feelings about it.

So this time, I've told my parents as they need to stay with me post egg collection and afterwards help out in the tww etc, I've told my boss as needed to work remotely during tww, but needed to tell him why, and I told my best friend who also had ivf, plus my acupuncturist and reiki and reflexology therapist as they both needed to tailor treatment. And that's it.

When this works, I don't plan to properly announce till probably the 16-20th week.

I've been AWOL for a bit so I need to catch up with everyone, but I'm starting my IVF drugs today. They have been sitting in my fridge for almost a month, so I'm glad it is finally time, and a mixture of excited and apprehensive. Never injected myself with anything before...

Scan booked for a week's time to see how everything is growing. Wish me luck!

May you have many follicles latenight! Good luck!

Wow stork, looking really promising!

Is it common to put on weight while on stims? If so, I think I might need to buy a couple of loose dresses for work, I mostly wear fitted dresses and any added weight will show (I'm a size 8)

Hoping, how are you coping this month?

Hi Phoenix I told my family plus a few close friends that I was planning on fertility treatment but I was very careful not to let people know when I went for treatment. The thing is that if you tell five people that you are going for IUI tomorrow, then in 15 days time you have to tell five people whether it was successful or not. I didn't want this pressure, so the only people who knew exactly when I went for treatment were my parents and my boss (who luckily is also a friend so was able to be supportive). Some people (looking at you SIL) were a bit offended that I wouldn't share all the details, but I just said 'Look, you didn't tell me when you and [my brother's name] were going to have sex, or when you would be taking a pregnancy test'. Why should everyone know exactly when I am ttc?

I do advise setting people's expectations carefully because I have found that some people expect me to share all details about everything (both the IUIs and then various points in the pregnancy) because I am single whereas usually no one would bat an eyelid if you didn't announce your pregnancy until after the 12 week scan; people seemed put out that I hadn't told them the moment I was pregnant. It feels a bit like being public property I've now got the same issue with everyone expecting me to tell them my induction date. I've sworn my parents to secrecy!

Phoenix - the fact that you are choosing to go down this route for your second child already knowing what its like to be a single parent is so reassuring. Maybe I'm not crazy after all!

Stork - that's all sounding really good . Fingers crossed that this is your cycle!

Hello to everyone new to the thread - welcome to the journey xx

I've only told a very small handful of people and like shoes I'm not telling them when each iui cycle is - just that I will be doing it this year. My mum knows every step I'm doing as needed some support.

pez how are you doing? I'm struggling a bit, I'm 9dpiui and swing between worrying about getting a bfp then ending in chemical pregnancy or getting bfn. I'm trying to do pma but feel a bit stupid as pma for me involved thinking/visualising I'm pregnant and all positives about becoming pregnant but it hurt so much last month don't want to let myself think that way again.

Sorry not been chatting on thread I've mostly been lurking and feeling a bit sad this TWW x

Hoping - if you were to put off testing until around 14dpo then if you got a good strong positive line it would be unlikely to turn into a chemical after that. My chemicals were characterised by whispy faint lines from 11dpo to 13dpo then the line would disappear. My BFPs that didn't turn into chemicals both gave me a very good strong line on 13 or 14 dpo.

I didn't adopt the visualising pregnancy style of PMA for the reasons you're describing. My PMA was to try to keep happy and busy by spending time with people that are good fun, then when I was by myself I watched feel-good films and ate good quality chocolate

Hang in there. You'll be ok, whatever happens!

Thanks shoes that's really helpful advice xxxx

Shoes Maybe it just goes to show that you're as crazy as me lol!

But honestly I've been a single parent since DD was 18 months and I always say the hardest part of being a single parent isn't the parenting - being responsible for another human being is always going to be tricky - I personally find the financial side tricky (housing in a good school area in London!) but you always manage somehow.

Stork You sound so positive - I hope I'm like this when the time comes!

I am terrified about my finances Phoenix - statutory maternity pay plus a small amount of tax credits will cover my basic bills for a few months, then I'll be relying on my freelance business to bring in enough money. I'm not sure how its going to work, but I'll muddle through somehow! (I hope).

I wish I had savings, but on my salary I was pleased to be able to manage to pay for the fertility treatment without even thinking about savings as well!

Phoenix I told friends and my immediate family that I was doing the egg collection. I'm not using my embryos straight away but I guess when the time comes for transferring them I'd tell my immediate family and probably my closest friends. I wouldn't, in the same situation, tell them I was having sex, but to me this is a bit different and I think I'll want their support if it's not successful. But let's see how I feel if it doesn't work out! No way on earth I'd tell work, but I think that depends on your circumstances.

Pez I didn't put on weight and I was on a similar dose to you, but I did feel a bit bloated by the end the second time and my boobs got bigger both times, though not massively outside the range of the normal changes I'd get across a month. I don't wear super fitted stuff most of the time though. (Anyway this IUI might have worked!! If you don't mind me saying that!)

Late good to hear you're ready to start again!

Hoping sending hopeful thoughts.

Shoes you'll manage because you just do when you have to. When I think what my parents managed on it reminded me that I can do the same!

Reminds

Re money, I do worry too and keep on reworking my spreadsheet to include the cost of an ivf cycle next month (fingers crossed I don't need it, and of course I don't mind you saying that witch 😉). My plan was to fund treatment with my annual bonus and salaries and then save again during 8 months but now I'm actually going to have to borrow to carry on. So it will be less savings to go on mat leave and a smaller emergency fund for baby sitters, broken boiler etc. but I'll make it work!

Sorry this is so hard hoping, I didn't test last month but I'll have to this month as I'll have to order the magic potion a few days before OTD if I am to start an ivf cycle. I've looked at dates etc and basically would need to test on 12dpiui next Wednesday and if BFN place my order the same morning!
Are you doing another IUI is this one hasn't worked? If so, maybe stop yourself from testing and wait to know the natural way. I know it's hard and torturous.

caution, hope you're on the mend ☺️

By the way, happy women's day to all of you gorgeous ladies!!

Just chiming in about telling people. This time hardly anyone knew I went for the iui. I was lucky it happened on the weekend. I really didn't want to tell anyone when I got s positive. But I ended up having to tell everyone because of the restrictions I now face. I got tired of people asking why I was wearing gloves and scheduling my surgeries with other vets. I don't like people knowing but no one is really talking about it since I've had two miscarriages.

pez so carrying around 20 odd big follicles makes me feel a bit like a pack mule, I'm definitely bloated in the last 2 days, which will increase till Friday when they come out. Then I'll start progesterone on Sunday night and the bloat will continue. Last time I couldn't get my jeans done up, had to fashion an elastic band closure!

I become very aware of my mid section at this point in the cycle and can't stand anything restrictive around my stomach, so I've taken my friends advice and invested in a pair of maternity leggings and jeans so I can go to work in comfort and also go to the FC in comfort!

I don't wear dresses really or if I do it's with leggings, but certainly for me, I look like I've got a food baby, or have eaten all the pies, and I don't want anything constricting my follicles, so comfort is key.