Hate feeling this way but..

[RedSpottyDog]

How are we all doing this every single day?
I actually hate being a mum. I can’t be the only one? I do everything for everyone and if im honest ive completely lost who I am, sometimes I dream of just not picking them up from school, however awful that sounds, they aren’t even bad kids so it’s me not them. Im not cut out for being a single mum. Im always amazed how many women claim to love it and I am genuinely happy for them and happy we live in a time where people feel this way but honestly I can’t relate one bit. It’s hard work, exhausting and frankly miserable. It does not get easier as they get older and quite frankly im sick of hear that unless people mean adults, I can see it being some what enjoyable if you share parenting and get regular breaks to yourself, otherwise no. I feel miserable most days and cant remember the last time I felt happy, sometimes I think of meeting a partner so I can at least have something or someone out there that supports me but then I realise that would be for the wrong reasons. Can anyone actually relate? I obviously wouldnt not pick them up but I have to admit I contemplate it a lot, the house is a mess because I never have any energy to actually clean it it’s just one thing after another and im sick of it.

sending you a hug. I’m sorry things are so tough for you right now.

How old are they? Is dad any support at all?

The loneliness of it all can really get to you . So much of the daily stuff is boring , reoetative and tedious . On your own , you don't even get to share the load of any of it . It's OK to not be liking this stage . Is there any way that you can claw back some time and space for yourself. Do you have any supportive friends or family that you can offload or ask for advice from ? And if kids are old enough do try and encourage them to be a bit independent and help with some things .

it does not get easier as they get older i want to say that as i find it said so much and it’s not exactly true anyway (well not for me), in many ways it’s worse, much worse. no my friends or family wouldn’t look after them.

I'm sorry. Are there any friends or family who could just give you the odd hour to yourself? When your whole life is work, childcare and housework with zero help, even getting an hour for you might make a big difference.

an hour would do nothing for me but thanks. it’s way past that point. this is just a vent and to see if anyone feels the same really rather than looking for solutions

Another option is to let them live with their dad and for you to be the non resident parent.

What are your thoughts on that? It's not a terrible thing to do, he's their dad after all.

yes that would be nice but he isn’t involved

How do you think you can change it?

undoubtedly single parenting is hard. But only you have the power to change how you feel.

do you need anti depressants ?
can your children go to a friends in a Saturday to give you a day off
can you join a gym with crèche or similar depending on ages.
can you get help one night a week to just go and do something for you
have you told anyone you’re struggling. I find people are willing to help but only if you ask for it
Get the children involved in tidying and cleaning your house. Give them ‘chores’ ( I used to give mine a duster when they were toddlers and we’d make it into a game )

sending the kids away is not an option. Do what and how can you change things ?

nothing i can do will change things, yes sending the kids to their father would be ideal but he isn’t involved so not an option, family won’t help, ive begged them and im not going to do it anymore.

just keep clinging on to the fact one day they will be adults and it will be (mostly) over

I sympathize, I'm a single mum with no involvement of the father too and it is incredibly hard (I at least have a little help from my parents and I know how horrendous it would be without).

How old are they and how many do you have?

Raising children can be a soul sucking experience, as can trying to keep a house tidy when others keep messing it up. It can feel like groundhog day for years tbh.

Go see your GP as your mood appears very low. You might be low on Vit D, B12 or iron, or you might need some AD for a short while, or do you suffer from SAD?

Then carve out an hour a day just for you. What brings you a spark of happiness? Reading, bath, a walk in woods, feeding/watching the birds, singing, colouring?

Sorry but that’s just not acceptable

it’s hard but that’s not a get out clause to just be crap . Think what sort of life you’re giving them and setting them up for . If you genuinely don’t want them give them up into the care system. If you don’t want to do that then engage with help to start making change ! See a go as a starting point. Talk to friends. Make friends. Ask for support. But this is down to you . Acknowledging it’s hard is great but doing something to change this requires active engagement from you

Very rude, you have no idea what kind of parent I am so don’t go around calling me a crap parent, I put them first 100% of the time and do everything for them, I’ve sacrificed my whole life for them and am now a shell of a person, that’s why I’m so miserable!

My house is a mess because I’m constantly busy and dont have the time or energy to clean why don’t you fuck off i didnt post to be personally attacked

Also if I wanted to be “told about myself” I would have posted on AIBU, I purposely stayed away from that board. So dont post on my thread again.

@millymollymoomoo way to victim blame. Leave her alone. What possible help do you think your criticisms could be to someone who is clearly depressed?

You have NO idea how or why she became a single parent. if you’ve been lucky and have lots of support, NT kids and a bottomless well of positivity then great. But don’t come o. To a thread to berate someone who is burnt out.

I'd say, gently, OP, that part of being a good parent is actually not sacrificing yourself and becoming a shell of yourself, but being very strong on who you are as a person and what your identity is. Don't worry about the house too much (yet). Fit your own oxygen mask first though.

Somebody said to me the other day "I sleep like it's my job." That's always the first thing to focus on. Everything looks better when you've slept properly. Then try and eat properly. Don't skip meals, eat vegetables, drink water. Then exercise. Go for a walk every day. Make these things absolutely non-negotiable and a routine before you think of tackling anything else. You might find just by doing these things that you have more energy and other things start to fall into place.

Thank you, I don’t know why people on here are always so cruel I am not going to read anything more as I didn’t come to be made to feel worse.

I’ve reported her @RedSpottyDog. I wish I could do something else for you - it’s the only little thing I can give.

❤️❤️

Ok fine. Report me.
everyone can just come on and give you sympathy abd yiu can just continue to not take charge of the situation.

im not victim blaming, nor am I unsupportive or unsympathetic. I have said it’s hard . And i really agree with that. But op says she hates feeling this way but wont take steps to change anything. And no amount of sympathy will do that.

so carry on

You don’t sound like a very nice person

Stop trying to kick people when they are down and start your own thread about how marvellous you think you are. This isn’t really a post for the Stepford wives wannabes.

hello OP. stepping in to say yes, it's incredibly hard. mine are 17&19, and carrying the emotional load of teenagers alone is very very difficult. however the three of us are very close and there are some fun times in there too. dig deep, head down and keep cracking on. sending hugs.