Ducks in a Row

[BePrepared2026]

Without going into details, I think my OH wants out of our marriage. Leaving aside all the emotional turmoil of that, I want to be prepared practically. I put off doing life admin but can’t afford to do so for this.

He has become very cagey about his finances. But at the same time very nosy about mine. We don’t share any accounts. We own a property, mortgage free.

He is about to retire - has long service. He always said he would take maximum pension and minimal lump sum. He has switched that lately, wants to take a bigger lump sum. I have no way of getting figures - he hasn’t received them officially yet, he has been using the online calculator from pension provider. His pension and lump sum will be a lot better than mine. He also has more savings.

I still work, but want to retire. Pension not great, small lump sum, but have decent savings (but less than him) and own half the property.

The property was bought in my maiden name and I am in the process of getting changed to my married name with Land Registry. He looked disappointed that I did that. Along with the caginess about money it was that (and a few other things) that raised my suspicions.

My phone is arranged with him - he can’t access the content (I have maximum levels of security on everything) but I assume if there was an acrimonious split he could cut off my access to banking apps etc. Clueless here - can I get a non contract phone to use for emails and add banking apps? I currently have an old Apple phone, never used another supplier.

But what else should I be trying to get copies of - house deeds? Because everything is electronic now I have no access to à lot of his personal stuff.

I am not being greedy, if we do split I would want us both to get a fair and equitable split, but he is being so cagey that I want to be prepared.

I have zero chance of accessing any financial accounts/apps. They are all online. No paper correspondence. Password protected apps plus passworded phone.

You could get an eSIM to sit on your phone alongside whatever else you have ? Then you would always have a network connection for your apps to work

I assume he can’t unlock your phone ? As long as he doesn’t know any of your passwords ( easily changed ) your stuff is safe

do you know the code for his phone ?

even if you can’t get records write down everything you know - employee, approx salary , where you think he has bank accounts

My stuff is secure - he doesn’t know any of the app passwords. They also have face recognition on them. He doesn’t know the password to my phone.

The same is true of is phone and apps - he is very techy. There is no way I can access.

I am gathering everything else that I can. But the reality is most stuff is online now.

I will look up e-sim

First, do your own will. You should have one anyway of course but it was the first thing I did when I told ex h I was done. Then go see a solicitor to tell them the situation. It won't be free, I paid £150 for an initial extremely helpful meeting.

I would suggest you consult with a family solicitor who is used to working with a forensic accountant.

I would tell you to start logging DNS on your internet which is moderately easy and would give you clues as to what apps and sites he’s accessing without him knowing - however if he’s very techy he may well have made sure you don’t have passwords to access it -I would certainly tell solicitor if it goes that far he needs to provide last years statements as that may well show up where’s he’s transferring to