Equity split with ex-husband HELP!

[flt28]

Ex husband had affair - left marital home April 2023 (voluntary)

Agreed on paying had of mortgage only paid up until October 2023 , I could not afford this solely, i dropped hours at work as could not afford child care (1 child is disabled) (3 children). I struggled and paid mortgage up until July 2025. This has put me in huge debt. July i could no longer afford to pay, so contacted lender and said nothing could be done.

mortgage hasn’t been paid since July 2025.

house was place for sale Dec 2023 and has only just sold as he wouldn’t accept lower offers.

He has proposed:
me pay all missed payment out of my share
pay him occupation rent
have 80% Equity

could anyone give me some advice?

I speak not from experience but my thinking would be:

1. pay missed mortgage payments out of equity before any splitting of the remaining equity (as I assume mortgage was taken on as a joint debt?)
2. remaining equity is then split.

The second part of more difficult though. There isn’t much info if one of you put down a larger deposit (might not be relevant if you had been married a long time) or if he paid child maintenance. Not sure what your equity will be, if it was like 10k, it’s a lot of money but probably not worth fighting too much over (as it’s get blown on legal fees), an equal split would work here. If it was a lot more, I’d probably look at the equity gained since 2023, then would apportion it to who paid what…. E.g, if you paid 75% of the mortgage payments, then you get 75%.

The rent aspect, yeah, I’d tell him to do one.

I’m struggling to understand why he thinks you need to pay the outstanding mortgage payments and rent? You needed to house his children. This is all based on the little information above, not sure if there are any other assets? Or what your employment statuses are (if he’s a high earner for example)

Well what is the debt in comparison to the equity? Impossible to know what's the best for you without knowing the numbers.

Occupation rent would be half of market value rent? So add that up.
Add up the mortgage arrears.
What's 80% of the equity?
Takeaway the rent and arrears from that.
What's 50% of the equity?
Which number is bigger?

Sorry I should have made it more clear

married for 10 years
I was SAHM until 2 years before he left he worked out of country. 150k per year own company. Transferred into his mums name after divorce and then stopped working altogether.

equity is around 30k
arrears at 12k

i earn 15k per year

Don't panic! He's trying it on. My ex wanted rent (even though he was paying no maintenance) and missed payments out of the equity, (and spousal maintenance and for me to pay half the debt he'd run up post separation, claiming they were 'marital debt'). He got 50/50, which I'd offered him 2 years before and most of that went on his sol's fees. I self-repped, there's lots of help out there.

Thank you!

I also offered 50/50 over a year ago now.

This makes me feel so much better, there’s no way at I could afford a solicitor. The house is sold and I don’t even have a home to go to once it completes. I am currently on the homeless list with the council.

I don’t wish to sound rude but with so little equity you will eat that all up in legal fees and court costs to try to reach agreement

there is only 18k equity

Exactly my thought process. But he won’t budge on what he’s proposing, and from past will push for court as he has the cash behind him for the costs.

So do I just accept what he’s offering, thus is where I’m stuck!

Oh he is a rotten bastard, and his mother is as bad enabling him. Sorry I am no help but just reading that infuriated me. Good luck OP, I hope karma gets him

No if you take his offer you'll have nothing. You might as well let it all get swallowed up in legal fees.

The arrears gets paid from the equity and the rest is 5050. There's no point you agreeing to anything else.

If he argues for rent you can very easily argue back that he wasn't paying towards to mortgage or the maintenance. He essentially abandoned the property. And you paying his half of the rent for as long as you did should be sufficient "rent".

I would tell him that a judge won’t sign off on that.

Does he really not have a pension?

So what we don’t know here is under his proposal how much are

the arrears
occupational rent he’s suggesting£ value of 80% if equity.

do the maths and if that is same or similar to £9k just agree it

do you have a solicitor? My ex did similar to try and hide assets. Get a financial search and it’ll show everything he’s done re the business since you split and will be used. (A bit like older parents signing over a house to a child if they know they are about to die to avoid inheritance tax)

I had 2 children, 1 disabled. I gave up my career to be a full time carer for our disabled son. He’s a high earner. I got the house and equity and he got £10k! (Divorce law bill around £20k) our pensions were similar, but if mine was lower I would have been able to have a bit of that too.

get a free half hour with a divorce solicitor and take everything you have to make sure you cover everything in that time.

You’ll also potentially be able to claim some of his business unless protected legally

was his business registered in uk or elsewhere? Maybe it makes a difference to what comes up in the financial search if it’s not in uk? Op said he worked ‘out of the country’. Does his mum who now ‘owns’ the business live in uk?

Once the house completes, all arrears will be claimed back by the mortgage lender and the solicitor will split the rest 50/50 (if the house is owned as Joint Tenants). Him insisting on you paying the arrears is a moot point - unless he chooses to take you to court. Let him try to explain his shitty behaviour to a Judge!

yes registered in uk
and mum lives in uk too

Apparently not!

You need to track down his pension
And other assets

OP he’s at it. I’m really sorry for what you’ve gone through. Expect no one will ever know how hard it’s been. Feel really sad when hear of good people being treated so poorly.

He’s retired now, but still answers from time to time, even if not, his forum’s archive really interesting: google - David Terry Divorce Forum

If in UK.

Bullshit
Get Full financial disclosure.
Go after him for everything.

No judge would sign this nonsense off.

I don’t necessarily disagree with what people are saying but it totally depends on what type of business it is , ie just him set up as a ltd company or an actual business with tangible assets and inventory etc. if he was literally the company just contracting to companies etc then there is no worth to it . Will depend on ownership structure, share holdings and what type of company

Has he being paying rent to live elsewhere? Judge in my case dismissed occupational rent as while ex did rent for part of time his rent was paid by UC or family not by him so he wasn’t personally out of pocket (I paid 100% mortgage when he moved out). Did he pay CM? My ex didn’t and this didn’t help him at court.

He was Ltd company but as you said contracted to companies

No, he’s is down at living at his parents but actually lives with his girlfriend as my children have bedrooms there!

He pays cms when it suits not regular

I think the business is a red herring tbh. If he’s essentially a contractor working for a corporate company on a temp basis and invoicing the company, that’s not a business that’s a salary. It’s very common in corporate world and there are rules around whether it is inside or outside IR35.
it was purely an invoicing mechanism for salary, which you state he’s now not working….

im surprised there is no pension however, you’d have to force form e to try to get that ….

On the basis that he’s correct and there isn’t one, I’d say

house value
less debt
less mortgage

final equity = you keep 100%

your isn income us low, presume pt?
are you claiming uc? You’ll likely need to private rent

put a claim in with cms - if he’s not working you won’t get anything but if that changes your case is open