I am at my wits end with my husbands snoring and heavy breathing in bed

[Laura19881]

I have been with my husband for 16 years. He snores and it’s driving me absolutely crazy now. It always has but it’s now getting worse and I am done so so done with it. Last night I came down and lay on the sofa after listening to him for hours. I have not slept at all as my adrenaline was so high after being so annoyed about the snoring.

What can I do? I feel like telling him to leave but couldn’t do that to the kids. Or tell him his new bedroom is the living room. He bought an anti snore device and it made him breathe even heavier. Then he didn’t try anything else. Sorry if this is all over the place I have not slept 😫

My husbands snoring is horrific. His new bedroom is in the living room!

I am assuming separate bedrooms isn’t an option if you haven’t mentioned it, but if you still like him it seems like moving house would make more sense than leaving?

We have been through all the antisnoring devices. DH now sleeps in the spare room.
Everyone is much happier.
He did go to the Dr - who told him to stop drinking so much and to lose weight. This hasn’t happened. So the spare room
it is.
When we are somewhere without a spare room, it’s the sofa.

I wouldn't end a marriage over snoring if that is the only issue But I would be having a conversation about things needing to change.
Is he overweight?
Does he have sleep apnea?
Is it positional? i.e. a firm nudge to roll over stops him.
Do ear plugs help?
Do you have a spare room, other than living room? If that is it, can he use an inflatable bed or get a sofabed?

I often find a toenail to the ankle helps!

Silicon earplugs. Seriously, as the dw of a snoring hospital consultan,t who not only snores like a rhino but also gets frequent middle of the night phonecalls, these have changed my life. I'm an incredibly light sleeper and dh snoring, his job and having rubbish sleeping kids had me on the edge for years- I felt like it was going to lose my mind. Now i sleep through anything.

I currently have a very tired dh beside me as the dog was up twice during the night. Historically it would have been me that woke up. First I heard of all the night shenanigans was this morning whilst relaxing well rested with my coffee ☺️

Go to the GP and see about a referral to the sleep clinic. My partner was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now uses a CPAP and no longer snores (although the sound of the machine isn’t great either….).

I understand your anger, that was me. Luckily we had a spare room, so he’s in there now. He refused to do anything about his snoring, but then he refused to do anything about his ED too!

Which anti-snoring devices have you tried? My husband got a mandibular repositioning appliance and it's completely changed my sleep and massively reduced his snoring. He got his fitted at the dentist, so it was expensive but worth it to us. I think you can get cheaper ones too.

My DP went to doctor after much pushing from me. He is not overweight (the opposite is true) and doesn't have sleep apnea but does have nasal polyps and allergies. His snoring comes in phases. Sometimes it's dreadful but sometimes it's quiet. He was given a number of nasal sprays to use (steroid I think) but he won't use them. I find it extremely frustrating. I have a few health issues that impact my sleep (pain and menopause) so if he is snoring I get very little sleep. Am convinced it's making my life shorter.

Interested in knowing more about earplugs @RoseRedorDead as I have tried many and they don't work.

One thing that kinda helps is listening to sleep music but only when snoring isn't too loud.

Another one here with a snoring husband who sleeps in a different room. Although this brings out a different anger in me because ‘his’ bedroom is an absolute pigsty and never gets hoovered/dusted or sheets changed unless I do it.

I really sympathise with you. I dread having to share a room on holiday, I’ve had to sleep on bathroom floors to get away from him, wear foam ear plugs and take anti-histamines to help me sleep. Is there anything worse than the irony of being kept awake by the sound of somebody else sleeping deeply? And then having to sleep on a bathroom floor, drug yourself up and give yourself sore, itchy ears.

And yes, overweight, heavy drinker who refused to do anything about it but was offended when I asked him to sleep elsewhere.

you wrote that post when you were really cross, so I don’t expect you really want to leave him over it, but it’s either an extra bedroom or earplugs isn’t it?

The nasal spray really worked for my DH

We no longer sleep together. We are not compatible at all. He snores and i thrash out in my sleep. My DH sleeps on a sofa bed in the living room. We both get a great night's sleep now and our sex life is better than ever!

Try a new pillow? Google pillows for snorers. My husband has one and hasn't snored since. It's only been about 10 days so far...

You need to sleep separately and he should explore ways of reducing his snoring.

That’s my DH and he has the spare room. I just suffers through it when we are on holidays.

My husband snores and breathes loudly, he is not overweight but has an issue with his nasal cavities. A nasal spray helps when he remembers to use it. Often one of us will sleep in the spare bedroom, it turns out that bed is actually more comfortable but it's annoying to have to change bed in the middle of the night when I've given up on sleep.

I treated myself to a Snoozeband (£40) which Bluetooths music from BBC Sounds Sleeping Forecast into my ears and helps mask all but the worst snoring.

Definitely this. Earplugs are your friend

You’re suffering, he isn’t, and it’s rare in those circumstances for them to take action, so you’re going to have to make him less comfortable. Book him a GP appointment and take him to it, hear the results, nag him to death about the actions to take. Until then, sleep separately in any way you can, preferably him in the sofa.

Im the snorer in my household but it’s a lot better since I lost 3.5 stone on weight loss drugs.

I was the snorer. When I started waking DH up I went on mounjaro, lost 27kg and no longer snore!

I feel like if it starts affecting your marriage, it’s the responsibility of the snorer to do whatever it takes to fix it. If the mounjaro hadn’t worked the next step was an ENT to sort out my deviated septum and sinuses which is what I had blamed my snoring on for years - but really, it was the weight.

Has he been to the doctors?
For me I sleep with earplugs.
What helps is DH not eating a heavy meal in the evening and not eating after 8pm
When he cut out dairy we noticed a big improvement.

DH has snored a lot less since cutting down on drinking (his decision based on other factors, hes not bothered that he snores!) ....but id also be interested in what ear plugs work, I've tried several different sorts and at best they cut out maybe 10% noise

We’ve been through all the pillows, devices, ear plugs etc and have finally started sleeping in separate rooms. I miss the closeness of sharing a bed but I was at breaking point. My DH only began to show any sympathy after I downloaded a snoring app and recorded him snoring to prove how loud it really was. The app rated him as a mega snorer! This year on holiday our daughters were complaining they couldn’t sleep because his snoring was keeping them awake in different rooms. Make him up a bed on the sofa and be done with it.

Separate bedrooms is the way to go if you can.