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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I am at my wits end with my husbands snoring and heavy breathing in bed

99 replies

Laura19881 · 04/11/2025 07:32

I have been with my husband for 16 years. He snores and it’s driving me absolutely crazy now. It always has but it’s now getting worse and I am done so so done with it. Last night I came down and lay on the sofa after listening to him for hours. I have not slept at all as my adrenaline was so high after being so annoyed about the snoring.

What can I do? I feel like telling him to leave but couldn’t do that to the kids. Or tell him his new bedroom is the living room. He bought an anti snore device and it made him breathe even heavier. Then he didn’t try anything else. Sorry if this is all over the place I have not slept 😫

OP posts:
SeaSunandSand · 04/11/2025 20:04

I haven’t read the full thread but I snore horrendously. I just got a CPAP machine and not a whimper is to be heard from me! It might have saved my marriage!
I live abroad so had to pay for it.
Get him a sleep study and go from there…

Sandflea9900 · 04/11/2025 20:12

bigbaggyblue · 04/11/2025 07:43

Go to the GP and see about a referral to the sleep clinic. My partner was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now uses a CPAP and no longer snores (although the sound of the machine isn’t great either….).

My DH was also diagnosed. It’s taken him several years to get the knack right with the machine so it’s quiet and so he gets decent sleep, but it’s good now, and the machine is way quieter than his snoring when it’s working properly. If the machine is keeping you awake it’s probably not working effectively and he needs to experiment with air pressure levels and different masks etc to get a better combo. Don’t settle - it can be better!

Mumoftwoandcats · 04/11/2025 20:21

I really don’t have the answer, but I’m here to tell you you’re not alone. My husband’s snoring drives me up the wall. I always try to go to bed and asleep before he comes to bed, at least that way I can sleep for a while. He always worse in the very early hours of the morning, when I wake up and there’s no chance of me getting back over. We do have a spare room, so when I’m exhausted, one of us goes in there. He’s even had a wee operation on his nose to see if it would help…Alas not.

Snippit · 04/11/2025 20:25

since our daughter has moved out I now use her old bed. We both sleep better, I can sometimes hear his snoring through the wall, but I can tolerate the volume level. He also thrashes about, the bed looks as though he’s jumped up and down on it and thrown the duvet in the air. I hardly move, you can hardly tell I’ve been in the bed.

Sleep divorce has been the best thing for us, our sex life is still healthy. Before our daughter moved out I used to slink downstairs onto the sofa, it’s like torture listening to them. When we were younger he came back from a night out very drunk, and very bloody snory, he was oblivious to anything. I’d just watched Friends where Ross drew on Rachel’s face during a flight. I had great fun doodling all over his face and body, it was hilarious, he saw the funny side, 🤗

bigbaggyblue · 04/11/2025 20:25

@Sandflea9900its not necessary loud it’s just the constant noise I can’t deal with, I need silence to sleep otherwise I fixate on the noise and it drives me bonkers

Sandflea9900 · 04/11/2025 20:29

bigbaggyblue · 04/11/2025 20:25

@Sandflea9900its not necessary loud it’s just the constant noise I can’t deal with, I need silence to sleep otherwise I fixate on the noise and it drives me bonkers

I’m the same, I also need it mousy quiet to sleep. DH has managed to get his cpap so quiet I can barely hear it. If it’s not that quiet it’s not going to be very effective at supporting sleep, so it’s in his interests as well as yours to persevere to get a better result.

2catsandhappy · 04/11/2025 20:43

Have you tried recording him @Laura19881 ?

Someone else mentioned a recording app. try playing back the results so he can't dismiss it as 'not that bad' or 'it doesn't wake me up'.

Talkinpeace · 04/11/2025 20:45

I am the snorer.
Separate rooms.

Have a read and a cuddle together then one of you sleeps in another room.

My snoring is incurable.
Good sleep is the key to sanity.

JudgeBread · 04/11/2025 20:47

I got a snooze band. It's essentially a sleep mask with built in headphones.

My husband snores like a tractor but I can't hear him because I'm listening to lovely soothing white noise, or a spooky podcast, or whatever. Works better than ear plugs for me because there's nothing actually in my ears so they don't feel gummed up, and my alarm plays through the band so I can still hear it to wake up on time.

bigbaggyblue · 04/11/2025 20:53

@Sandflea9900oh right that’s interesting! He’s got an appointment in December I’ll make sure he tries it on for them and see what they think, I can hear it even with earplugs in

LackOfSleepCBA · 04/11/2025 21:07

My partner had horrific snoring and I had thoughts of placing a pillow over his face (I wouldn't actually do it in real life). He was so bloody loud and would make loud sudden snorts and gasps occasionally as well which would stop me dropping off or wake me if I had managed by sheer luck to actually fall asleep. Finally convinced him to see the doctor about his atrocious snoring etc. They referred him to a department in the
hospital and they actually found his tongue is larger than average and a smaller throat than normal, so he was essentially choking on his tongue as it filled his back of his mouth and caused the loud snoring. They've given him a CPAP machine and it's worked wonders! Quiet peaceful nights for me and he's actually getting good quality sleep instead of continuously being woken by his choking/snoring. Might be worth getting your partner to the doctor to be checked out/referred as maybe a CPAP might be needed.

Talkinpeace · 04/11/2025 21:15

For those of us where a CPAP will not work
for those of us where weight and alcohol are not the issue
for those of us too loud for ear plugs
for those of us where further surgery is not possible

separate rooms save marriages

pipthomson · 04/11/2025 21:24

Being a snorer is embarrassing many folk deny or minimise the issue -conditions like sleep apnea can be dangerousl if untreated maybe you can get a referral to a ‘sleep clinic or try a ‘snore-guard

DevaneyRob43 · 04/11/2025 21:26

Breakfastpotatoes · 04/11/2025 07:51

Which anti-snoring devices have you tried? My husband got a mandibular repositioning appliance and it's completely changed my sleep and massively reduced his snoring. He got his fitted at the dentist, so it was expensive but worth it to us. I think you can get cheaper ones too.

I got one of these and it has reduced my snoring by around 85%. Very expensive but in my wife's view well worth it

Talkinpeace · 04/11/2025 21:30

For those of us who have done the apnea assessment
and tried EVERY bit of kit going

separate rooms save marriages

Lilywc · 04/11/2025 21:43

Record the snoring & tell him to go to the Dr he sounds like he has sleep apnea, my daughter recorded my snoring etc, my Dr then sent me to sleep clinic where I was given a CPAP machine, which has made my life so much easier & quieter for everyone!

Boredpanda88 · 04/11/2025 22:03

Another vote for a snooze band it was my an actual Xmas present last year the only thing I really wanted! lol my husband has been through all the sprays and eventually had an operation to fix a deviated septum along with some polyps removal didn’t make any difference, the snooze band works great at blocking out the noise I just set my phone to turn off whatever I’m listening after about an hour so I’m well asleep by then. Occasionally if he’s really loud I can still notice it but that’s more of a vibration than the actual noise. I had tried numerous different headphones they always hurt or fell out.
I must say though the alarm is now his responsibility since i don’t hear mine with the band on he complains I just tell him your the snorer I have no choice but to wear this to be able to sleep the the least you can do is wake up to the alarm.

Sandflea9900 · 04/11/2025 22:11

bigbaggyblue · 04/11/2025 20:53

@Sandflea9900oh right that’s interesting! He’s got an appointment in December I’ll make sure he tries it on for them and see what they think, I can hear it even with earplugs in

Definitely make him persevere. My DH didn’t even realise the issue until I nagged him about it that the machine was too noisy and there had to be a reason. A few months and a lot of trial and error later, and it’s happy sleep for both of us. Hang in there xx

LondonLady1980 · 04/11/2025 22:13

Sympathies OP!

Me and DH haven’t shared a bedroom in about 3 years now for the exact same reason.

SkaterGrrrrl · 04/11/2025 22:16

My sympathies OP, my lovely DH is an extreme snorer. Over the past 20 years I have tried titanium earplugs, wax ear plugs, snooze bands, noise cancelling headphones etc etc. We were just starting to talk about separate rooms because I am tired all the time and I feel like it's changing my personality.

As a last gasp effort he bought a wedge-shaped snoring pillow. It's really big - covers the top third of the mattress from the headboard down - and raises his torso to a slight incline.

An absolute game changer. His snoring has almost stopped. And when he does snore, it is much quieter than the jackhammer it used to be.

InDIYHell · 04/11/2025 22:26

You have my sympathy.

DH was the snorer. Obese and drank. Initially I got custom made earplugs (they helped but I could still feel the vibrations.). I was still fuelled with rage.
Then I moved into our spare bedroom. Bliss.

Finally I took a video of him snoring and his terrible sleep apnea. I think he’d previously assumed I was exaggerating. He had a snooze most afternoons and I told him how I was genuinely concerned about his heath and driving etc.
But it wasn’t until a male colleague told him about his cpap machine that persuaded him to visit the docs. 🤦‍♀️.

He now has a cpap, I’ve moved back in, he’s cut down on his drinking, is losing weight and exercising daily! And no more naps.

DaringFinch · 04/11/2025 22:28

I have had to resort to wearing ear plugs ,otherwise I cant sleep. I dont like wearing them but no alternative

FishFingerseveryday · 04/11/2025 22:35

I’ve no idea how it works, but my husband bought an anti-snore ring from Amazon (to wear on your little finger) and bizarrely it has cut his snoring right down.

Bowies · 04/11/2025 22:57

Good ear plugs, ear pods, or sleep mask with built in headphones (eg snoozeband) playing white noise, rain or other preferred sound.

CautiousLurker2 · 04/11/2025 23:03

Separate rooms. Dh and I have slept separately for 10 years (SEN kids up all night, so I dealt with them, and DH is up 530/6am… and snores like a juggernaught. I used to want to kill him.)

I still get the romance when he appears in the bed at weekends but we both sleep so much better alone. Plus I have the dogs. Who also snore…