I am at my wits end with my husbands snoring and heavy breathing in bed

[Laura19881]

I have been with my husband for 16 years. He snores and it’s driving me absolutely crazy now. It always has but it’s now getting worse and I am done so so done with it. Last night I came down and lay on the sofa after listening to him for hours. I have not slept at all as my adrenaline was so high after being so annoyed about the snoring.

What can I do? I feel like telling him to leave but couldn’t do that to the kids. Or tell him his new bedroom is the living room. He bought an anti snore device and it made him breathe even heavier. Then he didn’t try anything else. Sorry if this is all over the place I have not slept 😫

Separate rooms, or if you don't have space, twin beds so at least you get some distance.

I've had my own room and a king size bed to myself for about 15 years of my 20 year marriage and it's bliss. We both snore - nothing to do with weight or anything else that could be fixed - and I suffer from insomnia meaning I often toss and turn for hours before nodding off, so this ensures us both a good night's sleep.

It doesn't mean we never share a bed, we do on holiday or other occasions where having to get up for work isn't an issue, but our routine is sleeping separately.

I use foam earplugs, which block out most of the noise, and then over the top of that I use a sleep band, which plays white noise from an app on my phone, to block out any remaining little sounds I can hear.

But part of what helps is that DP tried several anti-snoring remedies as well and now uses a magnetic thing on his nose. Just knowing he tries to help eliminates the resentment I felt.

Mouth strips from Amazon, omg they have changed my life. My husband used to snore and breath loudly, now I don’t hear a peep out of him all night!

I'm the snorer.
We sleep in seperate rooms. DH doesn't love that but we both sleep much better this way. I actually prefer sleeping by myself.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. When then snorer won’t do or try anything to solve the problem it’s a sign of how selfish and inconsiderate they are.

DH skulked off to a spare room many years ago. Apparently I’m much nicer to live with now I’m getting more sleep and not waking him up constantly to tell him to turn over/shut up.

I have tried every ear plug type I can find and none of them work that well.

Silicone ear plugs might help, I put an ear bud in and listen to something relaxing

Sympathies OP; DH tells me to go downstairs if I can't sleep due to his snoring!
Cheeky beggar
If I try to sleep downstairs, I then have the dog snoring next to me😳

Please share the name of these wonderful earplugs and where one can buy them - link please @RoseRedorDead

I have been through this with my DH. We have tried so many things.

From my experience here’s what has worked:

sleeping apart if he’s had a drink
weightloss on Mounjaro
snoremender mouth guard

His snoring has greatly improved but I still have to wear earplugs as I’m hyper vigilant and will wake as his breathing starts to change.

I alternate between foam and silicon earplugs. The trick is to make sure they are really IN my ears. With the foam ones this means rolling them, putting them in then holding them in place as they expand. The silicon ones also need to be ‘moulded’ to fit properly.

I have so much sympathy for people going through this. I am lucky (?) as DH will always take himself off to the sofa if required. He’ll stay downstairs if he’s had beer (or has a cold) and won’t disturb me. I don’t have the selfishness aspect to contend with.

I really wanted him to go to the GP as I was concerned about sleep apnoea but since he’s lost weight he’s improved.

for people asking about the earplugs - I have a box of disposable foam ones from Amazon. They will last 2 nights. The silicon ones also from Amazon. Each one can be split in half then used for 2 nights.

Husband has slept on settee for years. We would be totally divorced. Minutes spare room is available he will
be in it.

All those who are recommending earplugs - how do you wake up in the morning?

For an earplug to effectively block out my DH’s deafening snores, it would then surely also block out my phone alarm? I worry that I’d oversleep?

I also worry I wouldn’t hear my DD (6). She often calls out in the night with bad dreams & of course DH sleeps straight through & claims not to hear a thing. I hate the thought of her being distressed & us both ignoring her if my earplugs blocked her 😥

my children are old enough to come and get me if there’s a problem.

i actually invested in an alarm clock with a vibrating pad that goes under the mattress. It’s designed for people who are deaf.

My husband and I start in the same bed but when it gets too bad I go into the spare bedroom, in winter I switch the electric blanket on in the spare room then it’s not such a shock when you change beds in the night. Don’t blame him he probably cannot do anything about it and feels guilty, lots of love, cuddles and understanding will get you both through. There are many others in the same position as us.

Loop ear plugs - absolute game changer!
I can still hear my alarm in the morning.

Ever heard of earplugs?

@AllGoodNamesRGone I disagree they nowhere block out the sound enough.

I dont know what im doing wrong with earplugs. Ironically DH couldn't sleep one night at a hotel because other people had the radio/tv on all night. We got some ear plugs.he couldn't even hear me speak when he had them in, i heard 90% of all noise when I used a pair from the same pack!

I used to snore like a train and I did all kind of sleep studies and they couldn't work it out, even did it as a child apparently. I had a nose op but that didn't help. Eventually Google came to my rescue and I worked out that I had large tonsils and a large uvula. I eventually coerced the consultant to take my tonsils out and trim my uvula, they didn't want to do it, but I was willing to pay privately, but eventually the consultant did it on NHS. Completely cured my snoring, my sleep is way better and my marriage better too probably.
Interestingly my DD also has large tonsils and Uvula, so it is clearly hereditary, she also snores and is quite conscious of it as she gets teased at sleep overs etc.
Gonna be an uphill battle to convince NHS to take out her tonsils though, so will have to pay for that I reckon.
I know it probably doesn't help OP, but there can be life after snoring!!

Finally back in the same bed after around 3 years apart, my husband was diagnosed with sleep apnoea. After a few false starts and trying different masks with a Cpap machine all is peaceful again. If the snoring is extreme and your partner sort of makes a choking noise or wakes himself up, I’d make a drs appointment. The Cpap has seriously changed my dh’s life.

You've just saved me the bother of writing my own story - I’m in the exact same position and have literally just bawled at ‘DH’ to go and clean up his pigsty of a bedroom as it is vile and smells so bad the window has to be open constantly. He’s meant to be an adult ffs. He stresses me more than any bloody child ever could.

Get him checked out via GO it could very well be sleep Apnea (potentially fatal)

They work for me and my husband shakes the house with his snoring. I got the Loop branded ones, I know there are other versions and the cheaper ones didn't work for me, but these ones did.
I guess they work for some and not others 🤷

Go to the GP and ask for a sleep clinic referral. My DH was bloody awful. He had sleep apnea and was given a cpap machine. Unfortunately I now sleep next to Darth Vader and I have to use a pillow between our faces due to the air it blows out. Not ideal but better than it was.

my husband has tried everything! Here is what’s helped:
keeping weight down
regular exercise
cutting alcohol
mouth stickers (from Amazon like a PP said)
we have tried the mouthguard and the magnetic nose strips, neither seemed to make tons of difference

It’s definitely a physical blockage issue as he struggles to breathe through his nose in the day too, but doctors don’t give a hoot 😕