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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband is thinking of leaving me

80 replies

V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:33

So, 2 months ago my husband said he was worried about our marriage and that we were disconnected, he has a very busy job and travels sometimes, we have 2 children. He criticised things about my personality that I’ve worked on. I have worked so hard to get us to reconnect and then a couple of weeks ago he said he’s just not in love with me, he’s sleeping in a separate room and making no effort to connect with me emotionally or physically. Around the children we are putting on a united front. I feel so sad, I don’t want to split the family up for the sake of the children and how lovely he was, I feel totally blindsided! He said there’s no one else but that we’ve grown apart. At the moment, we’re seeing how things go but he’s making no effort to repair the marriage, as much as I still would like to save it, is it time to tell him to leave? I’ve not spoken with any family or friends about it as I guess I’ve been in complete denial as I never thought he would change like this, he seems like a complete stranger.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 27/09/2025 21:36

He says there's noone else but I'd put money on the fact there is. It sounds like he's totally checked out so yes, I'd be taking steps to get things finalised. Hugs.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:46

Thank you, I know you’re right and tbh I think he’s treating me like shit, he’s saying he wants us to live as friends and see what happens but as if that’s okay! I want to work on our marriage for us and our children. It’s like he’s keeping me in a limbo.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 27/09/2025 21:48

@V26403 sounds like he's testing the waters but isn't ready to jump ship just yet. How cowardly. You definitely deserve better than this.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:51

You’re right, he doesn’t really know if he wants to leave what he has, which is a good thing and no doubt he has fear over the repercussions from friends and family but how can I really be happy or trust him again now anyway? I’ll always feel like I’m not enough.

OP posts:
Poirot1983 · 27/09/2025 21:53

There’s someone else. I am sorry you’re going through this. I did too but am happier 5 years on.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:57

Thank you, I know I’ll be happier in the long run. I’m sure there is too, or at least the prospect of someone else, I haven’t found any evidence but I don’t know why there would be such a sudden change otherwise.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 27/09/2025 21:58

V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:51

You’re right, he doesn’t really know if he wants to leave what he has, which is a good thing and no doubt he has fear over the repercussions from friends and family but how can I really be happy or trust him again now anyway? I’ll always feel like I’m not enough.

You can't. He's waiting to see how it goes with whoever the other woman is while keeping costs down by living with you. Even if he suddenly decides to make a go of it you probably won't be able to trust him after this level of hurt.

BruFord · 27/09/2025 21:59

Yeah, he’s a coward and testing the waters.

You consider what YOU want and do that. 💐

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:59

he also decided to announce he was unhappy 2 months ago the night before we went on a family holiday so you can imagine how much fun that was

OP posts:
NellieElephantine · 27/09/2025 21:59

Are you working @V26403 able to access money independently?

Flipflopflipflapper · 27/09/2025 22:00

Yes sounds like he’s trialling things with the OW and trying to keep you on the back burner whilst he makes a decision. I’m so sorry this is happening for you. Is he leaving the house a lot? Do you know where he’s going?

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:01

I am working although he is the breadwinner and pays the majority of our outgoings so not sure where I stand with all of that

OP posts:
Springadorable · 27/09/2025 22:01

V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:59

he also decided to announce he was unhappy 2 months ago the night before we went on a family holiday so you can imagine how much fun that was

Oh how nice that the thought of spending time with his family filled him with so much dread he had to dump that on you. He just gets better and better.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:02

He doesn’t leave the house a lot when he’s not at work but does travel with work regularly

OP posts:
TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 27/09/2025 22:02

The rat is hedging his bets.
Sorry you're going through this.
As for criticising your personality..I take it he's perfect.
Bugger that!!

Pallisers · 27/09/2025 22:03

There is definitely another woman here. How far along it has gone is anyone's guess.

He doesn't want to take responsibility for splitting up his family. Instead he wants the narrative to be "well things weren't going well and then V2 told me to leave"

A month or so after he leaves he will announce a "new" relationship.

It is up to you what you do. But what I would try to accept now is that he has no interest in fixing your marriage and he is NOT your friend. Nothing he does will be in your best interest - just his own.

so sorry OP.

CharlieKirkRIP · 27/09/2025 22:06

Two months ago he sowed the seeds of ‘it’s not working out’. Then the oldest trick in the book of making himself look good by staying and trying to make it work, when in reality he has done nothing whilst you’ve been in turmoil and beating yourself up that it’s all your felt and trying to change your personality so that he will stay!

That’s just horrible and he should have ended it two months ago and not let it drag on giving you hope.

I bet there is someone else as he has moved nearer and nearer to the gate which will let him into the field where he believes the grass is greener.

Don’t sit around and wait for him to dump you, accept it’s over and he checked out of the marriage at least two months ago, and start being proactive in getting a divorce. You will feel better by being strong and making decisions.

DorothyStorm · 27/09/2025 22:08

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 27/09/2025 22:02

The rat is hedging his bets.
Sorry you're going through this.
As for criticising your personality..I take it he's perfect.
Bugger that!!

It does sound like typical behaviour of the adulterer.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:09

Thank you so much, I really needed this. I’ve literally spoken with no one about it because I think I’ve had false hope that he’ll snap out of it and things would suddenly be okay. It’s been totally consuming me! He has to go, it’s unfair for this to carry on like this.

OP posts:
NellieElephantine · 27/09/2025 22:10

V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:01

I am working although he is the breadwinner and pays the majority of our outgoings so not sure where I stand with all of that

As they say, start getting ducks in their row...bank info, pensions etc

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:10

I also need to be okay for my kids and I don’t want them to grow up thinking him treating me like this is!

OP posts:
justasking111 · 27/09/2025 22:17

CharlieKirkRIP · 27/09/2025 22:06

Two months ago he sowed the seeds of ‘it’s not working out’. Then the oldest trick in the book of making himself look good by staying and trying to make it work, when in reality he has done nothing whilst you’ve been in turmoil and beating yourself up that it’s all your felt and trying to change your personality so that he will stay!

That’s just horrible and he should have ended it two months ago and not let it drag on giving you hope.

I bet there is someone else as he has moved nearer and nearer to the gate which will let him into the field where he believes the grass is greener.

Don’t sit around and wait for him to dump you, accept it’s over and he checked out of the marriage at least two months ago, and start being proactive in getting a divorce. You will feel better by being strong and making decisions.

Excellent analogy. Whether he's got a crush on someone, emotional affair, or sexual. He's not sure if she'll take him on perhaps.

Get your ducks in a row. Copy all the paperwork, keep at a friend's or family member. See a solicitor, but don't say a word to him.

I've often thought Mumsnet ought to produce a checklist of things to do in these cases, like they did their holiday packing list. Which I used every time.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:23

Thank you, I will, it’s like I’ve faced the reality now and will move forwards. I’m sure I’ve been in complete denial, we’ve been together for 18years. It’s just been his complete lack of effort to try and improve things. What’s really sad is that he’ll probably barely see the children now with the amount he works, must be keen to get rid of all responsibility!

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/09/2025 22:26

So sorry OP but the previous posters are right. Your DH is walking cliche of a cheating spouse. He's relegated you to his plan b, which must be killing you.

Original poster
V26403 · 27/09/2025 22:28

It is, I’ve been living with false hope, denial and thinking he’ll put me and the kids first when in reality he only cares about himself! He’d better not play the victim when I tell him to leave tomorrow!

OP posts: