Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband is thinking of leaving me

80 replies

V26403 · 27/09/2025 21:33

So, 2 months ago my husband said he was worried about our marriage and that we were disconnected, he has a very busy job and travels sometimes, we have 2 children. He criticised things about my personality that I’ve worked on. I have worked so hard to get us to reconnect and then a couple of weeks ago he said he’s just not in love with me, he’s sleeping in a separate room and making no effort to connect with me emotionally or physically. Around the children we are putting on a united front. I feel so sad, I don’t want to split the family up for the sake of the children and how lovely he was, I feel totally blindsided! He said there’s no one else but that we’ve grown apart. At the moment, we’re seeing how things go but he’s making no effort to repair the marriage, as much as I still would like to save it, is it time to tell him to leave? I’ve not spoken with any family or friends about it as I guess I’ve been in complete denial as I never thought he would change like this, he seems like a complete stranger.

OP posts:
JenniferJaneJayne · 27/09/2025 23:31

I've been there, definitely someone else. As soon as I read 'travels for work' I didn't need to read any further.

Take control, find a solicitor, on a recommendation if you can and divorce him. Do it quickly while he still has a modicum of guilt about it. If you leave it too long the guilt wears off, the OW gets involved and it's harder to get a decent settlement. That advice came from my solicitor who had seen it all before.

It's a horrible time but it feels better if you are driving the narrative not sitting there waiting for him to make a decision. He'll drag it out because why wouldn't he while he has two women playing pick me.

BruFord · 27/09/2025 23:31

ReadingSoManyThreads · 27/09/2025 23:16

@V26403 do not ask him to leave tomorrow. Say nothing about this.

Instead, book a solicitor appointment for this week, get your 'ducks in a row', take all financials to the appointment, then go from there.

Do not let on anything to DH, until you have a clear plan in place.

@ReadingSoManyThreads has good advice. Quietly do your research first and then decide how to move forward.

Also copy financial paperwork/save off electronic copies and ask a close friend or family member to look after it for you in case anything mysteriously goes missing.

JenniferJaneJayne · 27/09/2025 23:35

BruFord · 27/09/2025 23:31

@ReadingSoManyThreads has good advice. Quietly do your research first and then decide how to move forward.

Also copy financial paperwork/save off electronic copies and ask a close friend or family member to look after it for you in case anything mysteriously goes missing.

Show quote history

Bear in mind your solicitor cannot look at anything that you have copied that is not in your name. I guess you knowing what assets/income/pension he has is useful because you will know if he lies on the form E but that's as far as it goes.

DrowningInSyrup · 27/09/2025 23:39

Agree with getting advice from a solicitor, but everything else that is being said is just speculation. It must be so damaging to read from a bunch of strangers that your husband is definitely having an affair. It's possible, but that's just one narrative.

Smellitonacotton · 27/09/2025 23:50

My now ex DH did this then changed his mind then changed it back then changed it again over a course of 6 months. I never got an explanation. No evidence of ow. Just nothing. Meanwhile I put my ducks in a row. The last count was him wanting to stay but didn't actually tell him but just him trying to have sex with me was meant to his way of telling me. I lost my trust in him and that was that. I've never heard of anyone else doing this. At one point I though maybe he'd been seing someone else and it didn't work. Then I didn't care because the cruelty of it all was what I couldn't cope with. A headfuck I think they call it. So many shitty men on here.

k1233 · 27/09/2025 23:59

I don't know how you've lasted two months. I had a long term partner try this BS. A couple of weeks of odd, unaffectionate behaviour. I came to the realisation he wanted to leave but was too gutless to say anything. Confronted him. He fessed up to not knowing what he wanted. Told him it was my house and extremely unfair on me to not know where I stand. Told him to pack his things and leave that weekend. I stayed at a friends so I didn't have to see him. It killed me to do it, but it would have crushed me to stay for months.

Get the important and financial info copied and in a safe place then pressure him to leave on the basis the kids need to stay in their home. See a solicitor to understand where you stand. You need to act while he feels guilty and before the OW gets in his ear.

trailblazer42 · 28/09/2025 09:02

DrowningInSyrup · 27/09/2025 23:39

Agree with getting advice from a solicitor, but everything else that is being said is just speculation. It must be so damaging to read from a bunch of strangers that your husband is definitely having an affair. It's possible, but that's just one narrative.

I agree to not jump to conclusions…I was actually in a very similar situation but from the other side. My husband constantly accused me of not trying, making no effort, having no intention of saving things. None of that was true. I’d been trying in my own way for years and had completely checked out by the time I dared say anything. I didn’t know if I loved him because I found it hard to separate that from our many years together, shared parenting and life experiences. The things he wanted to do to ‘try’ I just couldn’t face. I did end up saying some horrible things about his behaviour but he pushed me to…he wouldn’t accept my feelings had changed so I felt the constant need to defend my decision.

I’m not saying any of this is true in your case, but I didn’t leave my husband for another man. I eventually, after nine months of therapy, had enough confidence to put myself first knowing I couldn’t live this way forever and moved out. It was tough on our children but so was us living together with the tension and atmosphere. No one was comfortable.

Original poster
V26403 · 28/09/2025 20:28

Update, found messages from another woman this morning, he has denied anything physical 😂and has gone without a fight. Thank you for all the support yesterday, I’m heartbroken but at least can move forwards now.

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/09/2025 20:31

V26403 · 28/09/2025 20:28

Update, found messages from another woman this morning, he has denied anything physical 😂and has gone without a fight. Thank you for all the support yesterday, I’m heartbroken but at least can move forwards now.

You're well rid.

jumpyjubba · 28/09/2025 20:38

Wow they are so predictable. Onwards and upwards now 🙌

Pineconesandpetals · 28/09/2025 20:40

V26403 · 28/09/2025 20:28

Update, found messages from another woman this morning, he has denied anything physical 😂and has gone without a fight. Thank you for all the support yesterday, I’m heartbroken but at least can move forwards now.

I’m so sorry op. But this is the worst bit. This is literally vomit inducing, physical pain, I know. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t do anything other than stare in panic at the horror that has become your life. How these cheating motherfuckers justify this to themselves, I will never know.
BUT. From here on out, it gets better. It takes time (way more than you’d like!) but just in front of you, just over the horizon, is a better day, free from a lying sex addled moron. Baby steps, one at a time, for a better future, for you. You can absolutely do this, I am cheering you on Xxx

Gruffporcupine · 28/09/2025 21:05

Who is she?

Find out.

Gruffporcupine · 28/09/2025 21:07

V26403 · 28/09/2025 20:28

Update, found messages from another woman this morning, he has denied anything physical 😂and has gone without a fight. Thank you for all the support yesterday, I’m heartbroken but at least can move forwards now.

So sorry I commented before reading this bit.

Men almost never leave unless there is someone else. I'm so sorry. You'll be OK xxx

Hurryuphumphreygeorgeiswaiting · 28/09/2025 21:31

So sorry OP. I hope you are ok. Honestly, what is wrong with these men. Remember, how he made you feel on holiday. You were trying to please him all the while he was with another woman. You deserve so much more and worth so much more than this. Look after yourself.

justasking111 · 28/09/2025 21:37

Start looking for a solicitor tomorrow. Take some sickness leave if you can. Copy paper work. I'm sorry.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 28/09/2025 21:46

Rarely, if ever, do they leave or get ready to, unless the replacement is waiting in the wings. Make it easy for him, tell him to go.

Beaverbridge · 28/09/2025 21:56

At least you know now. Yes solicitor appointment ASAP, take back control. I know it, ll be last thing on your mind but protect yourself and kids at all costs. Hope you have real life support. Look after yourself, like many others on here been where you are now it does get better.

Noshadowsinthedark · 28/09/2025 22:04

So sorry OP.

What an unbelievable cretin.

I’m glad he has chosen to go as I gather that will work in your favour but so get legal advice asap!

You will get through it. x

PrimeTimeNow · 29/09/2025 09:47

There is absolutely someone else. Probably someone at work and he feels noble and dignified because he hasn’t shagged her yet but they’re in an emotional affair. I’d put money on it.

I’m so sorry OP. What a shit. See a lawyer and get advice.

Sassylovesbooks · 30/09/2025 11:14

In my experience men rarely leave, unless there's someone else waiting in the wings. Your husband isn't sure if he wants to leave, but expects you to live as 'friends', in the meantime! He's making no effort to help salvage the marriage, and that's because he's emotionally and physically checked out of your relationship. You don't deserve to be kept in limbo, waiting for him to make a decision. My guess is that, he's waiting for you to call time on the marriage, so he can blame you to friends/family. I would be inclined to reach out to your own family and most definitely his, and explain the situation. You can't live like this.
Edit: Just saw your update, make an appointment to see a solicitor. He's a rat.

MidnightMeltdown · 30/09/2025 13:21

When a man says that he doesn’t love you, believe him. There is no coming back from this and if you stay, you are just setting yourself up for a future of misery. There is absolutely no point in staying together ‘for the kids’. Kids know when parents are unhappy and it doesn’t benefit them.

Holycowhowmuch · 04/12/2025 11:55

Yes, hes already checked out. Hes months ahead of you and throwing all the blame onto you. Its mean behaviour. Painful to face and, why is he biding his time ? Get copies of all your paperwork/financial records, prepare to protect yourself. Confide in relative/close friend...you need support and a dispassionate view on everything. You need support. Best wishes

Abd80 · 10/02/2026 11:52

.

Abd80 · 10/02/2026 11:57

Everyonceinawhile · 27/09/2025 22:48

Why do you think you can tell him to leave his own house

Show quote history

Happens with marriage breakdown all the time. Mother and children stay in the family home. Husband leaves for the sake of maintaining some stability for the children who can stay in their home and school.
generally then after children have left home and reach their majority, the house can get sold and split 50/50.

LucyLoo1972 · 18/02/2026 11:41

Had he ever mentioned anythign ever abut not feeling thigns were good in the marriage?

or was this the first time he ever raised anything?