Housing needs/ split

[CoolLemonBiscuit]

Hi guys,

Im going through a divorce atm its been dragging on for over a year trying to get my ex wife to actually respond to her solicitor. We have three children twins that are 7 (boy and girl) and a 9 year old son. We currently still live together and get on all be it time to time emotions get the better of us, we still have time for eachother.
Whilst its amicable we both differ massively on what we think the split should be.
We live in a 4 bedroom detached home valued at 500k. We have about 315k in equity. Moving foward we earn about the same around the 55k mark I work full time and she works part time. Pension wise there's a 30k difference in her favour.
On the form E I put my housing needs at around the 320k mark and I have a morgage capacity of 180k, in my area I need 290 - 320k to buy a 3 bedroom house to have the kids 1-2 nights a week and more in the holidays.
Ex-wife wants to stay in the family home but on the form E she put her housing needs as 375k, her mortgage raising capacity is 195k and she'll have the kids the other nights etc but shes determined to stay in the family home.

She has has asked her parents to help her out and buy me out at 90k and leave pensions out, if the split was 50/50 it would leave me about 37k short.

The problem for me is this gives me a buying power of 270k which in my area would only allow me to buy a 2 bed property. Which would mean craming the kids in to a small room in a triple bunk beds, whilst this might work when there young it certainly won't last.

If she put her mortgage raising capacity + plus 50/50 split + her money from her parents she'd have the buying power well over 400k and would be suitably housed.

Has anyone experienced this and what was the outcome, I feel im being well under housed at the expense of being able to house the kids reasonably.

Thanks

Because it’s perfectly reasonable to expect ex to increase her days from 4 to 5 and to maximise their earnings - which is exactly what a court and settlement would be based on. Op also wants more than 1 night going forward and will want holidays too
op is being perfectly reasonable in his requirements and there’s enough in the pot to provide both with their housing needs rather than ex having large house and op squashed into unsuitable accommodation

@CoolLemonBiscuit yes, if you want 50/50 then you need to have the kids 50/50 so she can go full time.

That’s simply not correct.

Sorry, im going to answer loads of you're comments in one.

First of all, its not about the %, its about both being reasonably both partys being reasonably housed.

She wants a 4 bedroom house, and with 3 children, for most of the week, I completely agree.
I haven't asked for the same, I've asked for a 3 bedroom house, to house the children appropriately when with me, as the 2 boys can share, as they will spend less time with me.

As for my argument, there is enough in the pot + both our mortgage raising capacity to house us all to the above mentioned needs.
Our current family home is worth 500k its a nice detached, spacious house. She could get a nice 4 bedroom house for 400k in our area, which would be totally adequate.
And this would allow me to buy a 280-300k adequate 3 bedroom home aswell.

If her parents want to dip in to there pockets to help there daughter, thats between them.

She works 8-3 4 days a week, some days a bit earlier and a bit later, which is do the majority of the pick ups.

As for me be grudging her having a day off during the week, currently I begrudge it as when I get home im the one who has to clean up the kids breakfast stuff left all over the table and the house is a mess, when shes been off socialising (I start work at 6am).
Our dynamic is i do the cooking etc, which isn't a problem, it works for both of us.
I have no problem with her having a social life, we all need friends. But because she chooses to do that and then franticly meet them at the weekends, goes away etc. Its always been at the detriment of family time, as she plays catch up at the weekends with work and can never do somthing as a family. Its been a bug bear of mine for years, but we all see the world differently I guess.

Ultimately the friendliness fades over time.

If you keep overstating your needs to house the DC for 1-2 nights a week this situation will cease to be amicable. If you were to end up in a contested situation and go to court what do you think would be considered a fair settlement? The court would see your DC needs as a priority. Does the family home need to be sold to meet need? Because ultimately this is what you are suggesting. Is this in the best interests of the DC? Can you be adequately housed and care for the DC 1-2 nights a week without the family house being sold. Have you considered nesting? You don’t seem to be engaging with alternatives to selling the family home.

Ex wife wont do nesting. I can't grow money on trees, with the current offer to get a 3 bedroom property. I can only get a 2 bedroom, which even the ex agrees isn't enough.

So my ex wanted similar to the OP. He wanted me to downsize because he argued that I am overhoused. Kids live with me. Ex was “hoping” to have overnights maybe once a week after financial remedy. He wanted me to increase my earnings to be able to get a bigger mortgage. He didn’t want to increase his earnings. House and mortgage were in my name and being paid for by me.
ex wanted the sale of the home and for me to downsize to a 3 bed so he could afford a 2 bed.
fact is that his idea of a suitable property was not at all suitable. It would have left me in a house which needed renovation work to make it suitable. He argued that the works required were minimal and the houses were adequate.
judge at final hearing agreed with me. I shouldn’t increase my hours because I have primary responsibility for the kids and the current work pattern was not unreasonable for my circumstances. Cost of childcare would outweigh my additional earnings.
judge agreed I was overhoused but also agreed that smaller / cheaper properties in the area wouldn’t be much cheaper after renovation costs and moving costs etc. got a mesher order with 75% of the equity being retained by me when youngest child reaches 18. Judge told my ex he needed to maximise his earnings because he didn’t have the kids very much and could therefore earn more if he wanted to do so. She also told him that his housing needs for 1 night a week with the kids at some point in the future didn’t trump their main housing needs with me and he could rent a property until the mesher order was up or work more and take a decent mortgage.
certain posters on this platform told me I was being unrealistic and the court would tell me to downsize immediately etc, but the marital causes act and the children’s needs trump what anybody thinks is morally right and fair. .