A thread for newly separated single parents

[YellowStarsintheSky]

Hello, I’m creating this thread for those recently separated and navigating co-parenting/getting used to a new home/emotional upheaval and difficult early days. Hope there are some parents out there and hopefully we can all support each other in these strange times. It would be nice for us all to support each other. 💕

I’m very newly separated and have just moved into my new home. 🏠

Hi! I'd love to join in a supportive soace with others going through the same as me.
We separated in May, but I am still living in the marital home, with two kids DS9 and DD6. I am really struggling to adapt to single parenthood.

How long have you been separated? And are you pleased with your new home?

Joining!

I have stayed in the home. Wondering if I’ll be able to financial survive, definitely an adjustment!

Hi both! Thanks for joining. Tonight is my first night without the kids. I’ll be honest, it was horrific leaving them both cuddling up next to exh in our old marital home to come home to an empty quiet house. I found it very upsetting. Ex has stayed in the marital home and I’m living close by (3 miles away) I absolutely love my new home but I’m missing the family unit, just not my ex!

@YellowStarsintheSky That must have been very hard to leave them! How old are they?

Hi @mulberrybag5!

How long have you both been separated?

They are 13 and 9. It was devastating. I’m hoping it’ll get better in time. Hi @mulberrybag5! thanks for joining this thread x

Thanks for joining too @HidingUnderMyDuvet How are you managing? Are you sharing custody? Sorry you are finding being a single parent hard. I’ve only been separated for 2 months and I’ve been in my new home for less than a week! I adore my new house, it’s everything I ever dreamed off and my youngest settled in so quickly. My teenager will need a long time to adjust to even staying overnight. He’s on the spectrum and is very attached to the family home and extremely attached to his Dad too. It’s very hard.

Hi, can I join please? My divorce is going through at the moment (about to start sorting the finances) but am still living with stbexh and our ds. Am hoping that it will all be finalised by the end of the year.
I've got such mixed feelings about everything. A bit of excitement/positivity at getting my own place for me and our ds, but sadness at the huge changes ahead.

Hi! Not sharing custody no. My ex works away a lot so would be very impractical. He sees them a few times a week when he's home. This is the first big holiday so it has been hard pinning him down to commit to days to see them. He seems to think he can swan in and out when he feels like it.

My DS is on the spectrum too, but seems to be adapting OK. My DD is taking it really badly, needs to sleep with me etc. It is tough.

Hi @Fishergirl !

I admire that you are even able to share a home with your ex!! It must be very difficult. I hope that the finances go quickly and you can move on properly. Will you sell the house?

We are, I suppose, lucky in a way because we own a motorhome, so it made sense for my ex to move on to that. He has parked in on a farm nearby so is close for the children.

How old is your son?

Hello, may I quietly join in? I'm on the verge of legal separation but haven't been living with H since horrible revelations and drama a few months ago.

DS (11) has an EHCP (currently unravelling) and I have a new health problem (hopefully temporary!). Life feels very stressful. H is in a right mess.

I'm trying to find some positivity but my resilience has taken a huge bashing.

I have been in my own place for just on 2 weeks. I spent 8 months post separation living in the marital home on a camp bed in the office. Having my own room is amazing. It is a huge adjustment for everyone. My daughter is with me and has taken everything really well. She was my biggest concern as she has been seriously unwell. My son lives with his dad but is 20 so an adult and so far is over here a couple of times a week.

Hello! Sorry you're not feeling very resilient. It sounds like you are going through a lot.

@thislittleworldofmine You must be happy to have your own place too! A camp bed does not sound conducive to good sleep.

I hooe your daughter is doing alright now.

I am so mixed about things. I know it’s for the best, I know we’ll all be happier but I wish things were different because no one marries to separate.

Ds is 9. I'm not going to be staying in the family home and I don't think stbexh will be able to afford to either. Yes it's really difficult living together at times. He can be very intimidating and moody (which I get because I'm the one instigating the divorce) but it's horrible when you have to live with it.

Ds still doesn't know that we are splitting up yet. We're going to tell him very soon though. Any advice from you all? I'm absolutely dreading it.

Hi everyone, today is my very first Sunday on my own in my new place. No kids tonight and last night my youngest was at a sleepover and oldest was with Dad. Sundays are so much harder as I would be making dinner for everyone now, we would be watching films etc. It’s worse knowing that ex is with the kids and they are all together in the family home.

Is anyone on their own today?

They are both sleeping there tonight. I’m trying to get through the day.

I'm not on my own today, but thought I'd check in on you to see how the day is playing out. Hopefully you've found something to do for you that takes your mind off your children and fills up your cup a bit...?

Joining as I am currently separating from my son's father. Still in family home with stbx and ds (but not this week because we're on holiday with my family and stbx is at home!). Due to move into my own place in the next couple of months (hopefully before the end of the summer but I'm buying so don't have much control over the timeline). Stbx is staying in the family home and we will share our time with ds close to 50-50. We haven't told DS yet though and I'm dreading it. Glad to be here and give/receive support when it's needed. Hope everyone is ok today.

Hello @Babysteps123 I was busy putting together furniture and cleaning. I also tried to relax a little bit. I have my youngest overnight now and he is a big distraction!

Ex came into my house for a little bit to discuss co-parenting arrangements and I was triggered again unfortunately and ended up breaking down In front him. I need to try not to get upset in front of him. Because I left the marriage I do feel like I blew up my life. I feel like I have lost so much that I will never get back, I am so homesick for my old house and old life. I feel like I would give anything to be back in my old home right now. I know I need to give it time.

How are you doing today?

My children age 8 and 9 have adjusted well. I was very clear with them when I told them, kept it very succinct; mummy and daddy love you, we are going to live in separate houses. A few questions and a “why?” Which I answered with saying mummy and daddy will be happier and everyone should be happy. A few tears the first night but otherwise, totally uneventful so far!

Sorry you didn't have the best Sunday. Be gentle towards yourself, this is HARD but you can do it. And I understand that the pull towards familiarity is strong but if you were motivated to leave the marriage, then you were not happy in that old life that you are now wishing for. Your mind is playing tricks on you!
I find podcasts an excellent distraction because I usually learn something interesting and I don't feel lonely when people are chatting away in the background. I listen to lots of genres, but 'The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast' with a lady called Kate Anthony is great for support during this difficult time. There are millions of episodes (too many!) but there is a search function.
I hope you have a good Monday x

Hi,
Hope I can join in. Have 4 children 20, 15,14, 13.
Ex H has moved abroad and decided that his new apartment is too small to accommodate our children so they won’t be going to visit him. He plans to visit the children 3-4 times a year for 4-5 days at a time and will stay in a hotel. The children won’t stay with him but he will collect them from their home. He hasn’t been great about calling or emailing them so they haven’t had a lot of contact with him.
I’m just really angry and disappointed in Ex H. He used to be an involved father but it just seems like he doesn’t care anymore.

I hope I can jump in here, though I left Ex about a year ago (we still haven't reached a parenting agreement 🙄).

It has been hard - financially, emotionally and physically, but it still feels like I ultimately did the right thing for myself and my child's sake. The emotional abuse escalated every year as well as the lies, selfishness and instability.

Its been hard with having to move a few times in a short space of time and problems with wider family, as well as trying to deal with someone who wants control but not responsibility, but I look around my home now and feel a sense of pride that I have given my child and myself some peace and a bit of stability even if I don't know what lies ahead (renting at the moment).

The money side of things has been the hardest as ex is managing to evade CMS, but I am going to treat myself today and celebrate having provided my child with a home that makes them feel happy, safe and loved 😊

Just to add that the best advice I followed was to be kind to yourself. It is not weakness to have doubts, regrets or to admit you might be struggling. Take it easy, use any help offered, acknowledge time really is the best healer and know that things do get better.

Hi, can I join please? Sorry to hear so many are struggling - but it's validating to see my own thoughts and worries echoed.
I separated with H in March and am in the process of buying, took a while to find a property that was close enough to H to make co parenting a bit easier. Currently staying with parents 2 counties away!
My DD isn't yet 2 years old. We didn't make it very far as a family 😔