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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ex threatening court as I mentioned moving

82 replies

TigletBoon · 25/07/2025 15:35

Me and my ex separated last year as I found out he’d been seeing a co-worker. It’s been a bit up and down and up until recently we’d been getting on, that was until he decided to start bringing the affair partner round where I live and prioritizing her over our son.

My ex still sees our son, we have a schedule where he sees him every other weekend and then 2 days in the week for 4hrs in total. I have found out he has been palming him off during his time to his brother or mum so he can go pub, which is annoying but it’s his time I guess.

Anyway, I mentioned to him the other day I was considering moving. Might I add not far, an hour max due to a potential job. I just feel I need a fresh start. He is not happy and basically said he’s taking me court.

I honestly don’t understand it. He drives an hour to the affair partners most days and only comes over this way when he has our son, who he has at his mums. He hasn’t sorted another place to live as I guess he’s up there all the time, so hasn’t needed to. He also won’t be moving anytime soon if he could, as he’s in massive debt. He’s recently had bailiffs after him, he’s in arrears with the car and had a massive credit card debt.

Hes tried guilt tripping me saying your taking my son away, but in my eyes I just think, hang on, you’ve moved over there? Yet I can’t move and have to stay here because it suits you. I’m not stopping contact and it’s his choice to keep staying at the affair partners. If he stayed at his mums like he said he was going to, he’d have about half hour drive if I was to move. I’m really not going far as my family’s in the area.

Am I being unreasonable? I just feel like he’s dictating my life, yet he can do as he pleases.

OP posts:
Fruitlips · 20/09/2025 05:31

TigletBoon · 19/09/2025 20:40

We aren’t moving now. Unsure if you’ve seen the latest update but I got offered another job so staying in the area. Plus my ex has already informed me he won’t be taking me court, he was trying to call my bluff and he can’t afford it, he’s in significant debt.

That’s brill!

You did say you’d be wanting to move irrespective of the job situation. Is that still on the cards?

Cant believe he’s revealed his hand that he can’t afford court! That’s pretty daft of him! And hopefully you too have learned to keep your cards close to your chest until you actually know whether or not something is going to happen or not to save the drama!

WatchingTheDetective · 20/09/2025 07:26

If he's happy to travel an hour to meet his girlfriend then he can be happy to travel an hour to see his son. He's not going to sue you, he's all talk. Given the chance of spending his overdraft in the pub or on a court case, which do you really think he's going to do?

TigletBoon · 20/09/2025 19:17

Fruitlips · 20/09/2025 05:31

That’s brill!

You did say you’d be wanting to move irrespective of the job situation. Is that still on the cards?

Cant believe he’s revealed his hand that he can’t afford court! That’s pretty daft of him! And hopefully you too have learned to keep your cards close to your chest until you actually know whether or not something is going to happen or not to save the drama!

Thank you!

Yes I did originally, but with my change in circumstances and after a discussion with my ex I feel more comfortable staying now. It’s more convenient to stay where I am because of where my new jobs based. Plus I can work remote 2 days a week.

I definitely won’t be declaring anything again before it’s set in stone, although he’s lost any ammunition he has regarding court now. I think he may have realised this because he’s been very eager to please of late. Which makes life easier for me.

OP posts:
TigletBoon · 20/09/2025 19:21

WatchingTheDetective · 20/09/2025 07:26

If he's happy to travel an hour to meet his girlfriend then he can be happy to travel an hour to see his son. He's not going to sue you, he's all talk. Given the chance of spending his overdraft in the pub or on a court case, which do you really think he's going to do?

This was exactly my argument. As it happens I got offered another job that was more local and worked around school hours better, so I’ve been able to stay where I am.

You were correct in saying it as all talk too, he’s since admitted it to me, told me he was bluffing and he can’t afford to take me court. He just panicked, so he won’t be able to use that as ammunition again.

OP posts:
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 20/09/2025 19:39

Obviously this situation is now resolved but just an advice if anything similar comes up in future and his situation has changed where he can on theory take you to court. You come up with a one line sentence along the lines of "you do what you feel is best" "you do what you need to do" and you repeat and repeat and repeat. Don't get drawn into arguments, give only the information he needs and then you copy and paste and repeat your line

Fruitlips · 20/09/2025 20:11

I wonder if his relationship has broken down.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 20/09/2025 20:35

Honestly I’d just move, normally person who moves gets landed with the travelling and it’s only a half hour which you seem happy to suck up. If he moves to the affair partners then he should suck up that travel time too.

It is completely understandable to want the security of paid work when raising dc. I’ve been self employed and it can be super stressful when clients don’t pay on time, finding new work, knowing if your ill you can’t work. There’s a lot of comfort in knowing you have sick pay and will get the same amount into your account every month.

I’d want to complete move and have him settled at a school before any potential court case.

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