Ex threatening court as I mentioned moving

[TigletBoon]

Me and my ex separated last year as I found out he’d been seeing a co-worker. It’s been a bit up and down and up until recently we’d been getting on, that was until he decided to start bringing the affair partner round where I live and prioritizing her over our son.

My ex still sees our son, we have a schedule where he sees him every other weekend and then 2 days in the week for 4hrs in total. I have found out he has been palming him off during his time to his brother or mum so he can go pub, which is annoying but it’s his time I guess.

Anyway, I mentioned to him the other day I was considering moving. Might I add not far, an hour max due to a potential job. I just feel I need a fresh start. He is not happy and basically said he’s taking me court.

I honestly don’t understand it. He drives an hour to the affair partners most days and only comes over this way when he has our son, who he has at his mums. He hasn’t sorted another place to live as I guess he’s up there all the time, so hasn’t needed to. He also won’t be moving anytime soon if he could, as he’s in massive debt. He’s recently had bailiffs after him, he’s in arrears with the car and had a massive credit card debt.

Hes tried guilt tripping me saying your taking my son away, but in my eyes I just think, hang on, you’ve moved over there? Yet I can’t move and have to stay here because it suits you. I’m not stopping contact and it’s his choice to keep staying at the affair partners. If he stayed at his mums like he said he was going to, he’d have about half hour drive if I was to move. I’m really not going far as my family’s in the area.

Am I being unreasonable? I just feel like he’s dictating my life, yet he can do as he pleases.

Does he pay CMS??

What’s with all these irrelevant questions on this thread 🤣

OP, Call his bluff and just do it. It isn’t that far from his mums where he technically lives. A court would make an order on that, not on where his fancy piece lives

If you are doing all the drop offs and pick ups anyway what difference does it make to him? Would you continue doing them afterwards.

He wants you and his son to live near his mums house even though he spends most of his free time an hour away from there at his girlfriends?

Be careful. He could go for 50/50 custody or more, meaning he’d want some of your salary for CM too. I’d try and keep him as far away from court as possible, if you’ve got 80/20 now. He’d probably not have leg to stand on anyway. It’s an hour away, not abroad.

Yeah so he basically wants me to continue living near his mums.

I do all the drop offs and pick ups and I’m happy to continue this.

I don’t think he’d try to get 50/50 if I’m honest. He says he can’t have our son overnight during the week or extra days because of work. I think he’d just doesn’t want me moving away from his mums as it’s more convenient.

Id commute initially and then hoping to move closer if I get the job. Ideally half way point, which would make it 30mins but the job itself is an hour away.

But as someone’s pointed out I do the pick up and drops offs anyway, so I’d essentially just be taking our son to his mums anyway as that’s where he has him. I suppose he’s just thinking about what if I’m over the affair partners, because it’s not like he’d have to travel any further.

Is the affair partners house an hour away from his mums, in the opposite direction to where you'd be?

I bet the reason he said nothing at first and then came back about it is because after chatting it through he's realised that if he goes to live there officially at some point it'll look like he's only just moved an hour away and he would be expected (if it went to court) to be the one doing the drop offs and pick ups as he's the one moving (as he hasn't already moved)

So actually you’re planning on moving irrespective of whether you get the job?

Seriously stop doing all the pick ups and drop offs. If he can’t be bothered to make time for his DS let him drift away further.

Seismic shift, moving an hour away? Give over! He can still see his dad once a fortnight and in the week. At 4 he isn’t bedded in to a school. I wouldn’t think it was a problem either.

Did he pause, research, plan before the affair?

Probably. Possibly. Probably not.
who knows
irrelevant. Court utterly disinterested in affairs and has zero impact on any decisions

Seismic shift in terms of whatever school the op had presumably applied for him to start in 5 weeks.

and moving away from his gran and uncle with whom he presumably is very close to.

my point was that this is a big move in terms of impact on child, and so very careful thought and planning involved

It’s an hour away from his mums house, I’m not sure exactly where she lives so I don’t know the direction.

This. He sounds like a right waste of space. Doesn't do drop offs/ pick ups? Only does 20% of parenting and offloads that to other people anyway? I'm guessing he doesn't pay his way either.

He had the affair fine (not from an ethical or moral perspective obviously). But he can't just shout the odds forever, you aren't in relationship anymore and instead are co-parenting. With you doing the heavy lifting

I thought you’d been dropping at his mum’s house
but you’re not sure where she lives?

As I said the days he has our son he stays at his mums,

and I do all the dropping offs and picks ups

so I’m intrigued how you don’t know his mum’s “exact address”

He only started seeing his uncle and gran really after my ex left and had to move back with his mum. He didn’t bother with his family prior to this, my ex clashes a lot with his mum. We probably saw them once or twice a year prior to this.

Although since he has moved it’s been nice he’s been able to get to know them, so something good has come from the split.

I fully understand it’s not something that can be rushed, but like I said he will still have family around. My mum sees my son a lot and she’s more towards the area I was looking at and he would still see his gran and uncle.

The job would make me more financially secure, it would just make sense to be between the both.

No I mean u don’t know the affair partners address. Sorry I misunderstood.

His mums address is about 50mins from the job, but I’d be hoping to move in between best case scenario.

@Faceitpruneyou seem to be misunderstanding a lot on this thread. I suggest you read a little more carefully, unless you’re actually just sticking the boot in.

Where?

Thanks

This issue aside, how have relations been between the two of you? Is he paying maintenance? Are interactions civil? Have you been able to attend things together re your son?

She doesn’t know where the mum lives.
Yes she does, it’s the girlfriend’s address she doesn’t know.

She’s moving anyway.
The OP didn’t say that in the post you quoted.

Id commute initially and then hoping to move closer if I get the job.

does this not imply moving before getting the job?

Just to be clear, legally, he could have a case in court...it really does depend on w
the impact on your son's ability to see his Dad.

I would suggest you do sort before your son starts school as any parent with PR has the right to veto a school move.

If you are being agreeable to drops offs and that would also work for the mid week contact then there is less of a reason why a judge would block your move.

However do document the discussions by email stating you are looking to move and you are seeking to maintain contact. Remember...write the emails knowing they would be read out in court. You need to show you want your son to continue to have a relationship with his father.