Ex threatening court as I mentioned moving

[TigletBoon]

Me and my ex separated last year as I found out he’d been seeing a co-worker. It’s been a bit up and down and up until recently we’d been getting on, that was until he decided to start bringing the affair partner round where I live and prioritizing her over our son.

My ex still sees our son, we have a schedule where he sees him every other weekend and then 2 days in the week for 4hrs in total. I have found out he has been palming him off during his time to his brother or mum so he can go pub, which is annoying but it’s his time I guess.

Anyway, I mentioned to him the other day I was considering moving. Might I add not far, an hour max due to a potential job. I just feel I need a fresh start. He is not happy and basically said he’s taking me court.

I honestly don’t understand it. He drives an hour to the affair partners most days and only comes over this way when he has our son, who he has at his mums. He hasn’t sorted another place to live as I guess he’s up there all the time, so hasn’t needed to. He also won’t be moving anytime soon if he could, as he’s in massive debt. He’s recently had bailiffs after him, he’s in arrears with the car and had a massive credit card debt.

Hes tried guilt tripping me saying your taking my son away, but in my eyes I just think, hang on, you’ve moved over there? Yet I can’t move and have to stay here because it suits you. I’m not stopping contact and it’s his choice to keep staying at the affair partners. If he stayed at his mums like he said he was going to, he’d have about half hour drive if I was to move. I’m really not going far as my family’s in the area.

Am I being unreasonable? I just feel like he’s dictating my life, yet he can do as he pleases.

@TigletBoonif you move 1/2 way between where you live now and your job, that’s only 30 minutes which seems absolutely reasonable and I can’t see a court objecting if he tried to get an order. An hour would be pushing it.

I would just go ahead and make the plans if you get the job. Can you apply for a school as soon as you get the job if your son is due to start in September? That way he doesn’t have to change schools mid year.

No he says he can’t due to work. So I’ve always done both. He does pay maintenance however.

I’ll be honest most of his priorities lie with the affair partners now. We’ve had a few instances where he’s made no effort. His mum has mentioned it to him and he just says I’m busy, so not much I can do.

I have tried to keep it amicable however for our son.

Not how I read it. 😄 She’s going to commute before she moves. She’s said she probably couldn’t move until next year.

Well they said they’d let me know by Monday about the job. So it’s realistic for me to apply as soon as I get the job, but obviously I do need to find a place pretty quick. Though I have been looking.

I guess I’ll see what happens Monday and all being well go from there.

Move if you want. The man is only a mere visitor to his kid on a pathetic 4 days a month.
Welcome him going to court, tell him that sounds good, you can sort him parenting his child properly, 50/50.

That'll be the last he mentions it.

Sorry that was me rushing. So I find out about the job Monday, so I’m hoping once I’m offered I can then look into moving.

Initially I’ll commute though, depending on start date and finding a suitable place.

Im just considering if it’ll be a delayed start date etc.

We had been getting on well recently. He is paying maintenance, but we have had the occasional issue where the affair partners caused a few issues e.g we travelled to our sons nursery graduation together and she didn’t like it. There was nothing in it, it was purely for our son’s benefit, but we basically can’t attend anything together now. We go separate.

Other than that, we’ve kept it amicable until now.

We read it differently 🤷‍♀️

I do want to move regardless, but not too far. I just don’t want to remain in the same town, so was looking at nearby villages previously. It’s just the job came up so it’s pushed it further afield.

What will you do about school in September?

A third of the replies on this thread are 1 poster, interrogating the OP

Have you actually read my posts?

I have advised
and asked practical questions

I asked about maintenance because they have a private arrangement and he could use this as a weapon
I asked about schools because the DS is 4 and school applications have closed

@FaceitpruneSeems to have comprehension issues.

If you are unable to provide any helpful advice then stop interrogating the OP with this inane questioning

@Faceitprune @TigletBoon don't worry too much at all about school admissions.
DS is 4. I work in school admissions at a 98% military school (lots of movement, last min changes due to service postings etc). Just check the subscription directly with the intended school, (KS1 have strict 30pupil policy) if they aren't at 30, they can admit a pupil within a few days.
It's extremely straightforward

I hope you get the job and then move and get on with your life. If and only if your ex takes you to court you may get an agreed schedule that your ex might ignore anyway. Your child’s needs come first and having a good job and a secure future seems to be the way forward. In preparation for the move, stop doing all the pick ups and drop offs. Your ex can start to put more effort into his relationship with his child.

Depends on the school

where I am… the good schools are heavily oversubscribed.

however if you want one that “requires improvement”… sure, you can get a last minute place easily

An hour might not seem far now
roll on a few years when he’s playing sport and has friends. And every Saturday morning he needs to be at football by 8am or cricket or swimming practice 4 x a week. Then factor in parties once he starts school and into terms years he just wants to stay near friends at weekends etc.

now I’m not saying op should stay or go. Or whether her ex is rubbish or not.

but that one hour completely changes the dynamic of a child’s life and usually not in a positive way! Kids miss out on so much as a result and it impacts their childhood. People should put alot more thought into this not just assume 1 hour is nothing.

Will your 3x be as considerate when he eventually moves out and finds his own place to live, will you lay down the same rules and threats, of course not.

I 100% agree

I have to be honest. No he’ll just go where he wishes. I have tried to encourage him to get his own place as he currently shares a box room at his mums with my son, but he’s not financially stable to move anywhere yet and I can’t see he will be for awhile.

I’ve tried to avoid courts, it was never really necessary. It’s obviously just now he’s brought it up.

@Faceitprune Everything you have said on this thread has been inaccurate and/or unhelpful and/or irrelevant and/or hostile.
Do you by any chance have your own baggage that you're bringing to the situation? Please stop commenting because you clearly are not taking time to understand the OPs situation rather than projecting.

@TigletBoon good luck with the interview. If you get the job, move to whichever place is right for you and your child. At age 4-5 it's really easy for a child to resettle, but it's harder at age 9-10. So try to pick the right place now. If that's closer to your new job than to your ex-MIL house then so be it

Did you get the job OP?

I did get offered the job, but then the following week I got another offer which I accepted as it works better around my son’s school, so was very fortunate and it meant I could stay in the area.

My ex has also since confessed to me that he was bluffing and went into panic mode. Admitted he couldn’t afford to take me court if he wanted to as he’s in debt. So it’s a weight lifted knowing he can’t use that one again.

Things are definitely looking up for me and my son, thank you for asking and thanks for all the suggestions and views from everyone.

How will the move affect contact? This is the issue. If it doesn't then there's nothing court will do. You just say the move won't affect contact and they may not even file a hearing. It would be a waste of time.

We aren’t moving now. Unsure if you’ve seen the latest update but I got offered another job so staying in the area. Plus my ex has already informed me he won’t be taking me court, he was trying to call my bluff and he can’t afford it, he’s in significant debt.