I separated from my ex 6 months ago. We have 2 kids under 5. The eldest is doing reasonably okay with the separation, but the 2 year old has not coped. She wets the bed / floor frequently, grinds her teeth at night, cries about missing him pretty much every day etc.
He is a freelancer and won't agree to a set schedule, which I can partly understand. This has definitely lead to DCs being more unsettled though.
When we split he chose to move 5 hrs away near his family and rent a place there. He says he can't afford another place near us and also doesn't want to look after the children without his support network helping. He's been using the house (which I own) every 2-3 weeks for visits. His visits are anything between 2 days to 2 weeks.and I am stuck living with him for those periods. He says if I don't let him use the house he will stop seeing them outside of school holidays. He knows they would really suffer, but he says that would be my fault for blocking his access.
I left him because he has anger issues,.and they have not magically resolved since we separated, so I still have to deal with his mood swings when he is in my house.
He visited last week with his mother and they both lost their temper with me multiple times, shouting at me, sometimes both at the same time. This was during my working day (I worked from home) and I ended up having to take a mental health day from work. He called me mentally ill and dertanged, she called me evil etc.
I don't want him back in the house again, but my youngest struggles so much when he's away even for just a couple of days. Longer stretches would really scar her. He was the stay at home parent.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and don't know what to do.