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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Dating a separated man, living with his wife

85 replies

Morningcoffee85 · 07/07/2025 10:04

My partner of 7 months has been in a unhappy marriage for years they separated a year ago but he still lives with his wife. Apparently they sleep in different rooms. I love him very much and it hurts every time he leaves. They both have good incomes, but are doing this for the children. ( they are in secondary school)
Any advice is welcome

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 07/07/2025 10:05

Have you met her? Been to his house?

ByGreenHiker · 07/07/2025 10:06

Morningcoffee85 · 07/07/2025 10:04

My partner of 7 months has been in a unhappy marriage for years they separated a year ago but he still lives with his wife. Apparently they sleep in different rooms. I love him very much and it hurts every time he leaves. They both have good incomes, but are doing this for the children. ( they are in secondary school)
Any advice is welcome

They're not broken up and even if they were, why would you want this. He goes home to another woman every night. The woman he chose to marry and have children with. He is still choosing her.

teenmaw · 07/07/2025 10:07

That’s a load of bs he’s telling you

Notreallyme27 · 07/07/2025 10:08

I’d be very, very wary. His wife may be extremely shocked to discover that they’re separated and sleeping in separate rooms.

It’s textbook cheating man spiel.

MiddleAgedDread · 07/07/2025 10:08

run a mile
fast

DoNoTakeNo · 07/07/2025 10:09

Ask him if you can meet his STBXW

DancingFerret · 07/07/2025 10:09

Ah, that old chestnut. You can be sure they're not sleeping in separate rooms and are very much married. Please don't waste your time on this "man".

TwiceForLunch · 07/07/2025 10:09

Yes the textbook spiel I am afraid. I'd be pushing for serious proof (confirmation with the wife perhaps they are separated) before I'd proceed.

I'm sorry.

Gonk123 · 07/07/2025 10:09

They are not sleeping in separate rooms…you are unknowingly having an affair sadly.
move on to better things, you will get hurt.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/07/2025 10:09

That's what he tells you.

Have you met your boyfriend's wife / been to the home ?

IF it is to be, you can get together once the divorce has gone through - divorces are possible within around 6/7 months if both people get their finger out and get on with in.

Otherwise you are currently dating a married man...

Original poster
Morningcoffee85 · 07/07/2025 10:10

No I haven't

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 07/07/2025 10:11

Do you know how many bedrooms are in his house, how many kids does he have? Is he quite open with your relationship when the two of you are out?

Sassybooklover · 07/07/2025 10:12

My first thought is: how do you know he's separated from his wife? If this is something he's merely told you, then you have no idea if this is really true. His wife may think quite differently, and not know anything about being 'separated'! I'd tread very very carefully here, in case you have become the OW, without realising it. His children are in secondary school, so aren't little - how long is he planning on living in the same house for???? Until the youngest is 18???? I would be stepping back from this relationship, and making it known, until he's moved out at the very least, you aren't continuing in the relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of married men, claim they're separated, not sharing a bedroom with the life and staying for the children, when actually all they're after is sex on the side.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2025 10:12

You don't really believe that do you? He's having you on.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/07/2025 10:14

Morningcoffee85 · 07/07/2025 10:10

No I haven't

You haven’t what? Met his wife?

Huge alarm bells. Does he spend weekends with you, turn up at odd times?

Speaking from long ago, naive, bitter experience.

He could, just possibly, be genuine. So, ultimatum time.

I meet your wife or that’s the end of it.

Tillow4ever · 07/07/2025 10:16

I agree with everyone else - his wife doesn’t know they are separated. But, we could be wrong. Have you met his children? If so, were you introduced as a gf or friend? Have you met any of his friends? What about his family?

Does he ever stay overnight? Have you been away together? Have you been to his house? Have you be asked him if he wife knows about you?

how did you meet?

Gonk123 · 07/07/2025 10:16

How and when do you see him? Can you phone him freely? Is she aware of you?

MischiefandMayhemManaged · 07/07/2025 10:18

I'm afraid to say that this stinks of BS.

I'd be heading to the hills as fast as my feet could carry me. He isn't seperated, I highly doubt that they are in separte rooms, and even f they are - If you've been together 7 months - and they've only been "apart" a year - thats no time at all between the break up and him getting with you! It would be a rebound.

Honestly, the way things are right now, alot of people are going to get hurt.

smallsilvercloud · 07/07/2025 10:24

Even if it was true, he’s still choosing not to move on with his life, he’s still not free enough to have a proper relationship with you. It must be very restrictive and time limited when he’s not at his home. You’ve done this for 7 months now, honestly if a guy really wants to separate he will regardless whether he has children. I think you’re being conned, he’s a comfortable but boring life with wife and you’re the bit on the side.
don’t waste your love on him.

Original poster
Morningcoffee85 · 07/07/2025 10:24

I haven't met his wife/children or been to his house, I see him some weekends and he has mentioned going away but it never happens.
Apparently his wife knows, but I'm not sure 🤔

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 07/07/2025 10:26

do you speak in the phone at anytime - can you just ring whenever? Does he answer…

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 07/07/2025 10:30

You date a married man on some weekends? Even if you did believe the adulterers script he's spinning, it sounds rubbish.
He would only be fit to date after his divorce is finalised, he houses himself and has done work on himself, healed, got his kids through their upset and helped them cope with their lives being upturned and parents them 50/50 if not more.
Only then should he be seeking a new girlfriend.

Original poster
Morningcoffee85 · 07/07/2025 10:31

Gonk123 · 07/07/2025 10:26

do you speak in the phone at anytime - can you just ring whenever? Does he answer…

He will speak to me when no-one is around

OP posts:
YodasHairyButt · 07/07/2025 10:33

I’m so sorry but it definitely sounds like you are the OW. Ask to meet his wife, if he refuses for any reason you have your answer.

okydokethen · 07/07/2025 10:41

He’ll speak to you when no one is around??

Oh dear OP, wise up.