Dating a separated man, living with his wife

[Morningcoffee85]

My partner of 7 months has been in a unhappy marriage for years they separated a year ago but he still lives with his wife. Apparently they sleep in different rooms. I love him very much and it hurts every time he leaves. They both have good incomes, but are doing this for the children. ( they are in secondary school)
Any advice is welcome

It’s very unlikely they are actually separated if the children do not know. Secondary school age kids are going to notice that their parents are sleeping in separate rooms and not acting as a couple. I would ask to speak to his wife to confirm. It shouldn’t come off as as an unusual request because I’m sure most people in this situation would assume they are still together unless confirmed otherwise.

He's not your partner he is somebody else's husband , you are the other woman , he knows it and so do you .
I feel sorry for the wife

Why are they a fool? They get to make their decisions. How do you know it doesn’t work for them? Have you asked them? If it’s not working for them they can walk away at any moment. I’m not changing arrangements that work for me, they can choose if it works for them. Today it does, tomorrow who knows? Not everyone has a 59 year time horizon in their current relationship.

And that’s my point to the OP really. It might be genuine. But that doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

If the kids don’t know they’re broken up I have even more doubt the wife knows.

He's not your partner.

He's still enmeshed in his marriage.
He waited 5 months before he started with you.
You barely see him.
He talks to you when no one is around.

You must know the answer to this.

Dh told me he wanted a divorce 3 months ago and I reluctantly agreed to sell the house. In the meantime we live in the same house. We have separate rooms and bathrooms and have a snug as well as a lounge so can relax and watch tv separately. He’s working full time and I’m retired with a small private pension. In return for him paying all bills and food I do the household stuff and cook dinner and we sit together making polite conversation eating dinner. He spends most of the weekend with OW although does do some diy as well but never stays the night. The reason he doesn’t stay over is we live rurally and I get scared on my own. Our Dc are adults and don’t live at home and know. It’s an odd situation and I cope by keeping busy but with no offers on the house this could go on for months. The point is, it does happen and if ow was posting about her new dp who lives with his ex wife, never stays over and only sees her at the weekend you would be suspicious. Also, he never talks to her my earshot as he knows it would upset me.

He's having his cake and eating it as the old saying goes.
He lives in the same house as his wife. You haven't been there. He only rings you when no-one else is around.
Honestly-it doesn't take a genius ti work out what is going on.
I'm sure the realisation that he is using you (and his wife btw) will hurt. A lot. But break away from this man and find someone better. You deserve better.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. I hope everything works out well for you.

Your house is for sale so that's one thing the OW will know about and I expect she's had other proof that your marriage is ending. If the OP sees or hears some proof that her 'partner's' marriage is over then she's free to continue but so far, it seems she hasn't had that.

Even if they are separated, he is still living with the woman he is married to and has loved for a large part of his life. Why would you want to get involved with that?

If there’s no plan for him to leave at some point soon then no. However my ex and I lived together but were very much separated for a year before he moved out so it could be innocent enough. I couldn’t deal with it as a permanent thing though. No way.