Don’t think I can do this…

[poppymolly]

Original post ‘Lost’.

Please give me advice. I have cried for 6 weeks. My husband left and dated someone 2 weeks later. We have 2 children. She is 10 years younger than me, doesn’t want kids, works with him.

I can’t just get over it’ or ‘focus on the positives’, it’s impossible. I spend my days tracking ‘her’ down on Facebook, wondering what they’re doing together. I’m obsessed and so broken. Why is he with her??!! I’m so sad he chose her over me. I can’t get past that. I don’t feel I ever will. No matter what people tell me, I think about them together 24/7. It’s killing me.

I don’t think I can do this.

@MidlifeWondering
Yes, I did speak to a solicitor. They talked about financial agreements and other documents I might want to put in place. I have a lot to think about! I can’t afford to take the whole mortgage on myself at the moment but 2yrs feels a long time to have this hanging over me. 2 years is when our mortgage deal is up and when my son goes to secondary school, meaning I’ll be financially better off.

How are you now? Mine seems to have done the exact same thing in April said he wasn’t happy loved me but not in love. 2 weeks later messaging someone told me he would be honest as he liked her and life goes on. Anyways the one he likes said she only sees him as a friend so all he has done since leaving me is go to the pub book mini breaks with his mates. I’m like you still don’t understand how can say was unhappy with no warning and made me feel so worthless he just tells me to get on with it as he was unhappy so done something about it but really knocked my self esteem after 13 years and 2 DC for someone to like someone so soon. I only wish he regrets it when I have moved on as he is 42 and acting like he is 22

Have you applied for Universal credit? This would certainly help with a high percentage of the child care cost

id start an online claim and put in asap, they can only say no

you may also be eligible for council tax relief - this is different from the 25% single occupancy discount- harder to get than UC and various councils have different rules on how much savings etc you can have - but worth enquiring if you get UC

look on entitled to and put in your details to see what you might be awarded - usually if you’re earning less than £40k you will get something

@Sunset216
Still the same, nothing has changed except I’ve accepted it now. I’m very up and down and some days I’m angry, others I don’t care. I will never understand how he could just up and leave and be with someone so quickly. That still goes around in my head every day. As for the co-parenting, that just gets on my nerves. He does see the children at the weekend, but it just annoys me that he basically lives the life of a single man while I do everything. He gets these fun part while I get everything else. It just doesn’t feel very fair. I don’t know what to think anymore. If I text him, I’m hassling him and affecting his MH, if I don’t, he gets away with everything. By this I mean if he doesn’t see the kids at the weekend because of work for example, he won’t make up the time, he just won’t see them. All I get is the ‘in exhausted’ line. I don’t know what to do for the best. I’m not feeling very understanding at the moment!

@MikeRafone
Thank you for your advice. I earn well over that x

Yes that’s what my life is like my daughter does not want to stay with him she likes to be with me and then when he can’t have them if he has a night out he won’t rearrange another day just left to me to sort childcare even though I put set days in place. I am the same angry then don’t care but struggle to believe he was ever capable of doing this. He also said same to me don’t message unless about children and that life goes on and doesn’t intentionally mean to hurt people but all I can see is family life was too much and he is enjoying all this freedom no bills to pay as living with him mum and going to pubs and booking holidays so no wonder he is happier

@Sunset216
It’s just rubbish isn’t it? We’re expected to just get on with life like nothing has happened while they get the life they craved. My ex is always telling me his exhausted-well what am I then?!!! He doesn’t have two children to look after plus full time work and all of the other things that come with family life. It’s just so unfair. Can’t say that he has loads of money and is living it up as such, but he certainly doesn’t have as much stress! He’s not in an ideal situation (living in friend’s house), but that’s what he chose. He lives off microwave meals apparently but that’s what he chose!