Ex husband's holiday request

[Summerkoala]

Hi Everyone,

My ex and I have just come through a very messy divorce and have two children (aged 3 and 6). We have a 50/50 child arrangement and school holidays are currently split one week each.

My ex is asking to change the order for next Xmas (2026) so he can take the girls to New Zealand for a 2 week holiday to visit his friend. The girls will the be 5 and 8.

He is threatening to submit a C100 form to the court if I don't agree to this.

How likely is the court to agree to this? I can't bare the thought of him taking them to NZ on his own, and for them to be away from me for 2 weeks. They're already both struggling with the 50/50 arrangement.

A bit of background... We had CAFCASS involved during the court cases and they stated there was evidence of coercive control on his part and that the girls should not be away from me for more than three nights. The report them contradicted itself entirely and suggested a 50/50 agreement. I felt completely let down by them and ended up settling out of court which I regret.

He has since continued to be awful, awkward and nasty to me over message about just about anything we have to discuss where the children or money are concerned.

I thought this would all get easier once the court cases were over... He has got what he wanted on most things and is still full of hate and not happy. I'm not sure how to countinue like this as the girls grow up. It's really wearing me down.

Any advice would be grately appreciated.

I’d also consider the possibility of being made liable for his legal costs of the court application if he makes it and he wins. If you’re already in debt from the divorce, is it worth the risk?

Do you think he genuinely wants to do this, or might it just be a way of winding you up? It would cost a fortune and be a bit of a nightmare on the flights with DC of those ages to solo parent.

Tell him you can’t afford mediation but you will attend if he paid the cost?

Gosh! I find this horrendous. Is this really likely?

The court have made their decision and agreed the court order with both parties. Dad is wanting to change it to be able to take the children away from the norm. Surely Mum wouldn't have to pay for this?

I live in NZ and fly to the uk regularly- it’s bloody horrendous - 2 long flights back to back.
if he wants to do that , 2 weeks apart with 2 young children then bloody good luck to him!
NZ weather is better in late Jan / Feb than actual Christmas- could you compromise so they go a week or 2 after and that way you have them for the excitement of Christmas itself?
I would also want to know who this “friend “ is!

@Emsy999the court made a decision that care is 50/50. That doesn’t set out a hard and fast schedule for holidays. Usually the 50/50 pattern is fixed for term time on whatever pattern is decreed suitable for the children (eg week on week off, or 2-2-3, or whatever) and holidays are left to the parents to divide equally. People need and indeed benefit from some flexibility here. If I were asked for 2 weeks over Christmas I would really struggle with it too. However, the response of “ok, you can have that if I get 2 weeks the next christmas” is not sensible in my view because it then sets up a pattern of every year one parent gets the kids for 2 weeks over Christmas. My experience is that sometimes you need to take one for the team (the kids) and it’s not quid pro quo but you try to work it out. This gets easier with the passage of time. It’s very hard in the early days when there is so much mistrust. But it’s definitely worth trying to get there. Because the kids always know when the parents are at war, and it’s very damaging to them.