How often do you have sex after 45?

[Rainbow122]

Hi,
I was married. He had affair so that was the end of that. Anyway, fast-forward 4 years and I’ve met someone else. He is amazing and at first he said he needed sex more than once a week. We honestly chatted about it but I’ve been seeing him about a year and the sex is not great these days. At the start I felt he really wanted me. Now I flirt and it falls on deaf ears. I’m still wearing nice clothes and making the effort. It’s a bit like he’s got me so doesn’t need to try? He’s lovely. He compliments me but I’m not sure what’s happened? I’m trying to work out if this is just normal.
with my ex I felt as soon as we married and had a child, he was too childish and went for fun elsewhere when I was sleep deprived and probably sex was low on my priority list.
right now I feel I could go on dates easily but I just want to be loved, cuddled in bed and for someone to fancy me! I feel like men just like the chase.
just wanted to know if sex once a week at this age is average?
Thank you xxx

I don't hate my body. It's just that whenever I've seen sex portrayed e.g. on TV, in films, in the old fashioned porn mags when I was a kid, in the very few porn vids I watched a long time ago - everyone is young and smooth with firm skin!

And there's the usual stuff of men going off with younger women (which presumably happens for a reason), and all 'sexy' advertising e.g. fashion, perfume etc uses younger people. James Bond doesn't ever shag an over 50, does he? With all that in our faces all through life there's no messaging or visuals that sex is for older people too. It's portrayed as a younger person thing.

Because of the above, I've never seen it as something older, wrinklier people do!

To add to that sex usually goes down when dp has his kids as they want their bedroom door open as well as ours plus hall way light on. It’s very frustrating but on holiday we get a big family room with living room and two seperate bedrooms or I would not be going!

Well that depends entirely on how well the Willy works!
another one here with a partner with ED :(
together 25 years, always had a good if not particularly frequent sex life but BP issues and diabetes and meds mean it no longer works properly and the gp won’t allow him to take viagra.
very jealous of all you sex bunnies! We are 50 and 53 btw.

It varies. Probably 2 or 3 times a week on average.
Been together about 20yrs

Aged 50 on HRT, gynae issues and bladder issues, I think I’d find it uncomfortable to do it so frequently, but maybe your body adjusts!
I find my partner attractive but we never had a massive sexual spark. For me personally giving my daughter a secure home is more important than sex (before you judge me I lost a parent to suicide as a child so stability is very important to me, and our home is a happy one - but I obviously don’t judge people who seperate for whatever reason ) but I’m thinking of doing my own thing once DC leave home (mid teens now).

“They’re sex people Lynn”

That’s the media, not real life.
When I go out and about, even in cities, I never see people who resembles whats on screen or in magazines. It’s all fake and exaggerated.
Older men going with younger women isn’t a common thing either, again exaggerated in media and celebs.. And if you’re “old and wrinkly” then he is too surely.
People are definitely allowed to stop having a sex life if they want but to say it’s just for younger people is offensive. Many women hit their peak in 40s and 50s. I get more offers now than I ever did and from men in their 20s (not that I’d go there)

It sounds like someone has done a number on your confidence.. if you wanted to be then you can be a sexual woman. If you don’t personally want it then that’s fine too.

😂😂

Once a week. Age 49, married 25y. Both happy with that

Not as much as we’d like! DS2 is 16 and goes to bed later than we do, paper thin walls (and his room next to ours!) means we rarely seem to have an opportunity. We do, however, make a point of treating ourselves to a night or two in a lovely hotel every couple of months!

2-3 times a week but we've only been together 4 years. Was down to about once a fortnight when I'd been married 14 years.

Both mid 60s and by mutual agreement we stopped having sex. He has erectile dysfunction and I have no libido and exhausted from working full time . However we’re still physically close, like each other and enjoy our relationship.

Apologies, I didn't mean to be offensive to anyone, it's just personal to me and how I feel. I agree that media isn't real life, but in my case this impression that sex is for younger people has taken up residence in my brain as a non-negotiable truth.

TBH I don't need to consider whether I want to be sexual or not, I no longer find DH attractive so don't feel motivated there. If we were to split up then I'd need to consider how I feel, but as that's not likely, it's not on my radar.

I've always been intrigued about how others view it though, as the idea of having sex when older is so alien to me personally, I'm curious about the views and behaviours of others.

It is perhaps a bit of a shame I feel this way, as I'm sure all of you on this thread who are still enjoying sex are having a great time, but I'm ok with it and not sad about it, as I don't fancy DH any more anyway, to me it feels natural that sexual passion would wane after all this time.

Ah they have a sex towel 😂

I really relate to all of this.

Been together 10 years and realistically about once a week - a full on week would be around 3 times. We’ve had dry spells where I’ve really lost my libido and probs gone a number of weeks without. We still really fancy each other though and would probably have it more if we had time for it. Sometimes we are just happy to be cuddled up in bed watching TV.

I think people saying twice a day every day are talking crap - I would get bored and sore!!

edited to say I’m not over 45 yet but DH is.

Oh a sex towel.
Well that makes all the difference then 🥳

What exactly is that, a large incontinence pad or one of those plastic liners you can buy in ikea

Is it disposable in which case we should definitely be limiting sex …… think of the environment. 😇

@ChampagneTrousers
i don’t think it’s a shame you feel that way.

You're ok with your life so what business is it of others
Sex definitely isn’t everything for everyone and for some it’s nothing.

Live and let live Champagne !

yes. I think sex has different importance for people at different stages of their life, which is completely personal to them and their circumstances.
Who knows, I might be hard at it in my seventies!

Very true @DrPrunesqualerand @Arcadia as you say, sex isn’t everything and has different importance at different life stages.

I was happy in my twenties having lots of sex and I’m equally happy in my fifties having none.

This is literally true for every thread I have ever read on MN! Xx

*

Married 30 years and once a week.
My libido dropped like a stone five years ago when our son took his life the same month I had a full hysterectomy and went into forced menopause. DH would like it to be much more, but I just don't have the energy or the inclination as much as I love him. I do try though as I understand how important it is to him.

So true!!

OP, sex isn't a tick a box thing. For some maybe it's 10x a day but only once a month it's good sex. Also intimacy is about feeling wanted and it sounds like you've really lost the sense your partner wants you.
This evening my partner and I flirted, ok I grabbed him and made flirty jokes and he said lovely things to me. We both like sex at weekends where we can make more of it and he needs to sleep (up early) so it's not something we'll take further now, but that suits us both.
You don't have an open dialogue and that's a bigger issue.