How often do you have sex after 45?

[Rainbow122]

Hi,
I was married. He had affair so that was the end of that. Anyway, fast-forward 4 years and I’ve met someone else. He is amazing and at first he said he needed sex more than once a week. We honestly chatted about it but I’ve been seeing him about a year and the sex is not great these days. At the start I felt he really wanted me. Now I flirt and it falls on deaf ears. I’m still wearing nice clothes and making the effort. It’s a bit like he’s got me so doesn’t need to try? He’s lovely. He compliments me but I’m not sure what’s happened? I’m trying to work out if this is just normal.
with my ex I felt as soon as we married and had a child, he was too childish and went for fun elsewhere when I was sleep deprived and probably sex was low on my priority list.
right now I feel I could go on dates easily but I just want to be loved, cuddled in bed and for someone to fancy me! I feel like men just like the chase.
just wanted to know if sex once a week at this age is average?
Thank you xxx

Agree
I mean I couldn’t be doing with having to wash the sheets that much 🤣

Not very often, and I don’t feel the need that often anymore. I had a very active sex life when I was younger, but I’ve definitely lost my libido with age.

I have. When I raise the no sex issue, he tends to become very introverted, walks away, then comes back as though the conversation was never instigated by myself in the first place. Very envious of those with healthy sex life's. Not to sound conceited but I've always turned heads, and get many compliments about my appearance, so the fact I am in a 100% sexless partnership really is the most embarrassing secret I have. No one knows IRL, and I think if people I knew did know it would be shocking to them.
Sorry for the derailment OP x

Yes. Is that unusual?

Me and dh have been together nearly 30 years and are still at it like rabbits 🐇 (a little bit Easter sprinkling there)

I always change the sheets.. sex sheets 🤮🤣🤪

This sort of post always brings out the sex bunnies. My DP and I are mid-40s and we have sex every 7-10 days. He thinks his testosterone levels have dropped as he’s got older. I think it varies from man to man as there are clearly men who are still frisky into their 50s and beyond

Over 60, married 40+ years and 5/6 times a week. It dipped to 2/3 when kids were little but we've kept the spark alive!!

Sadly this is proving the disconnect I am feeling in my marriage, last did it November 2023 and before that April 2022!
It is helping to provide some clarity on what a good and connected relationship can be like! I did follow a relationship therapist who claimed that couples should be open with how much they want and 3 times a week is optimal. Passing this onto my other half fell on deaf ears.

A friend declared one day she was getting a divorce….no sex for 20 years! She’d never said a thing in all that time.

Its not that unusual to be in a sexless marriage and very normal I would imagine for people to keep it to themselves.

Your dh just have an opportunity to change that around though
Possibly try couple counselling

We’re 49 and nearly 53. It’s anywhere from 3-6 times a week. Sometimes twice in one day.

Both 51. Once a week is the norm for us. Usually a Sunday morning as dh is asleep early during the week due to being up early in the morning. Been together since we were 19.

They always do on these threads. In no way reflects what I know of my friends in real life. I think these threads attract people with very active sex lives or they’re lying!
Or maybe I’m just jealous.
I was very sexual in my teens and twenties but now I’m 50, menopausal, health issues, both tired from draining jobs, teenager in next room etc, it’s once in a blue moon at the moment.

Every 2/3 days, both into our 50s married 26 years. DH would go every day but that’s too much for me. I still have periods too so we work around that.

Also certainly not lying. Friends are mostly similar from what they say too.

DH is more Randy now than when he was 20!

Never!

We're early 50s, been together over 20 years, hardly ever have sex.

I don't understand these things:

• How you'd still feel passion and desire after 20 plus years with same person
• How you'd feel sexy yourself when old and wrinkly and saggy

I sometimes daydream about sex with people who aren't my husband, but in real life (if we were to split) I'd be too ashamed of my old saggy wrinkly body.

Isn't sex for young people with firm skin?!

What have I just read…
Why is sex for people with firm skin?
And you’re only early 50s! I’m having the best sex of my life in my mid 40s, saggy tummy and all. My grandparents were still at it in their 70s.
The way you talk about yourself is sad. You aren’t old. If you really hate your body make some changes.

DH and I are both in our 40s I’m early 40s he’s late 40s and been together for 22 years, run our own businesses and have 5 kids.

For a very long time we were very frequent, several times a week even after the kids came along. The last 4-5 years things have slowed down a lot, our youngest children are toddlers and very full on, the business has grown and is busier and we are both feeling it these days. Some of it is due to tiredness and stress, some due to waning libido and some probably because we are just out of the habit of making that time for each other.

Some months ago we had a long chat about it, neither of us wants the other any less than before but finding the time and energy has become hard. We decided to make the effort to have a night every month or so where we would make time for each other, not necessarily for sex but for romance and reconnection, the hope for this is to keep the fire stoked if you will, as I think we risk falling out of the habit all together when neither of us really intends for that to happen at all. I am certainly hoping for a resurgence of our sex life as our youngest ones grow and get a little easier.

Married 24 years , 2 adult children in house. Once a week /once a fortnight, both happy enough with that. How can all u 4/5 times a week peeps fit it in or be bothered!?😂

Both mid 50s

DP and I live apart but when together it’s mostly daily initially then maybe once every 2 days if we’re together more than 2 weeks eg a holiday

DH, early 50s, I'm mid 40s. About once every 3-4 months! 😢 because that's all DH seems to want. Makes me sad and frustrated but he buries his head in the sand when I try to address it and pretends everything is fine. I find it humiliating to essentially have to beg for sex. I frequently fantasise about sex with other people and wonder if I'll eventually end up leaving him over it because I can't cope with a sexless marriage. Can't bring myself to end it over sex when in all other respects he's a lovely husband so for now, I'm just sucking it up and getting quietly resentful.

So when I was in a lacklustre relationship where I lost all sexual attraction for my partner, I assumed people who claimed to have sex several times a week were exaggerating. However I’m now in a relationship with someone I am sexually attracted to and I’ve become one of those people 😂 We have sex whenever we see each other, multiple times, and see each other 1-2 days a week. We probably average 5 times a week. Used to have once-a-fortnight duty sex in last relationship. Life is much better 🤗

(I’m under 45 but I don’t think that matters.)

Yes, 16 years.

Been together 10 years! I’m 56, partner 58! Probably 1-2 times a week. More on holiday.
Both shattered through work. Still fancy each other though

@Rainbow122 a lot of quantities on here but what do you want? I feel we are all talking at you ( me included at first). But the fact is everyone is different, we all live different lives.

The reason you must be asking is because you are surely not happy and want to know if this is it? As in lack lustre sex? Is it the quantity and the quality? I think it’s very possible to have an active and satisfying sex life over 45. I think it’s what you want that counts. Talk to us and more importantly you need to talk to him.

I’ve spoken to my dp in the past about our sex life when I wasn’t happy! This sounds ridiculous but I had this convo with him after 9 days of no sex in one instance and we were only together with the kids intermittently ( from past relationships) in that time lol! I have a high sex drive and I needed to ensure we got back onto the same page. I listened and he listened. Even without the sex I’ve always felt loved and desired by him but sex is important to me. As long as you feel you can talk to him in a calm and respectful way, you should be able to work it out. Good luck!