Has anyone divorced after age 50?

[stoviesfortea]

Just that really. Married for 18 years. I keep having the same thoughts about leaving, but then I stay. Nothing is absolutely awful about our marriage but we are quite incompatible in a number of ways and I’ve pushed these thoughts away for over 20 years and just got on with it.

I don’t think I can do another 20 years, even another 10. The thought of splitting both terrifies me but I also think would be a huge relief and I sometimes fantasise about life on my own. We have 2 teen daughters which is what’s made this difficult in the past but after yet another argument I'm seriously thinking about it all again.

Also 57. 25 years of marriage, 2 dc in their early 20’s, one still at Uni. Divorce final today. Complete life circumstances changed - location, money (poor as a church mouse) absolutely everything but………… I’m determined to make the absolute best of my life going forwards. Both for myself & to show my dc that whatever life throws at you, keep going

We divorced after 30+ years of marriage when I was 60. It was mutual and civilised not too stressful because it was what we both wanted. I bought his share of the equity in the house, took on the mortgage, and have done lots of work on it since. It's not perfect but it's mine!
With hindsight we should never have married but got along together ok while we had children to focus on. Like others, I couldn't face the thought of retirement with him.
I love being single and I have changed so much and grown as a person, I feel like a butterfly who has at long last changed from a dull little caterpillar!

I’m 48. My H and I have been separated but living under the same roof for 18 months which has been exhausting. He is moving out next week. I’m not at the happy and free part yet. I just feel numb and emotionally drained.

I'm getting one next year and I'm mid 50s. A few friends as well. It's the realisation that you don't have to stay in something that's fundamentally shit - just because it used to be the done thing. Noticeably we get on better now we've made the decision. It's sort of a relief.

I pulled the plug at 34, and have never regretted it.

I have experienced lots of small minded judgement from bitter bored married people, more are splitting up now and it's obvious their united front was an endless (righteous) pilgrimage for them.

I take my calm, relaxed home for granted now. I can get bored from time to time, but it's up to me to find hobbies and adventures.

You can do this 🙂👋

@ExhaustedAreUs Better times are ahead x

My husband has made the decision for me... I was sad and angry - still am - but I'm starting to really wonder. If I actually want to be married to him and that I'm upset because of breaking up the family, friends, planned holidays etc. I'm 52

Are you me?! How far into this are you?

I told my ex I wanted a divorce in my late 50s. I’d wanted out for a while before I got brave enough to say, but I’m sooooooo glad I finally did.

It was awful, living under the same roof while trying to sell up, with Brexit, the election and then Covid coming along one after the other …but I have absolutely no regrets.

I now feel free, relaxed, happy and feel like I’ve become ‘me’ again after nearly 20 years of shrinking, of becoming invisible.

We didn’t have children which made things less complicated.

This is interesting.
Currently living with a v moody DH.Always come back to wanting to keep the house as I'm not sure we could buy 2 small flats.
We have separate rooms and most of the time separate lives.
He isn't nice to me dirty at times,sweary unhealthy man.
Rarely goes out and does so begrudgingly.

@Helpagirlout222

Not very far into it at all... he said a week ago he didn't feel "like that" anymore, has been away for a week (works away 50% of the time) and now says he feels like that for sure, can't see that counselling will change that.

I agree we had drifted into friendship but I'm in shock he doesn't want to try. It's as though he's done the whole break up in his own head. I get it but I am in shock I think. Haven't told the kids, haven't told anyone in fact.

I've woken up feeling like there's a mountain to climb and feel so sick. He's in the spare room, I can't face going down and acting normal, I've slept very little.

I'm quite a strong character I think - will try and pull myself together and put on a brave face but my mind is racing

I’m in the same boat - except the kids are older and have left home.
I feel like we have some fundamental differences that have led to massive cracks in our relationship that we just gloss over because we get on well on a surface level. I’ve felt like this for ten years plus and we are still here.
I’ve got friends who divorced after 50 and it’s a mixed bag but I only know two who’ve moved on and are in a happy relationship. Others seem to have “traded down” and it’s only a matter of time before that goes wrong, and a couple are on their own and doing ok but get lonely sometimes!
We aren’t great “deep” communicators so this has caused more issues as time has gone on, and I can go months feeling reasonably content with the status quo but then we have a bad week and I wonder what the hell we are still doing here.

Communication is a big problem with us.
I used to make my feelings known, very occasionally would have an argument, but more recently I don’t feel that I have it in me to say anything. I don’t know if it’s a fear of being seen as a nag, or if it’s a lack of confidence due to peri. I don’t forgive or forget, and i constantly ruminate over things he’s said and done.
He once said I’m controlling, but I think it’s more that I’ve mentally checked out of the relationship, so I do things my way.

I’m mid 50’s and discovered last year that my younger DH (together/married 20 years) was having an affair with a much younger woman.
He moved out and has since bought a house with her and is now living with her and her kids.
We have a child whose life has been totally thrown into disarray.
I’ve been left to sell the FMH and clear it out.
I feel totally broken, overwhelmed, lonely and heartbroken.
Our marriage wasn’t perfect but we were still ticking all the boxes (s*x, holidays, we got on, made each other laugh etc) and I was genuinely still in love and happy.
I think he just got bored with ‘life’
He’s now out with his new girlfriend all the time enjoying the freedom.

Divorced at 49, hope that counts.

it is great on the other side. A rough journey through, but completely worth it.

good luck op

@Frazzled54 I'm so sorry to hear this. Similar situation here altho it didn't last with the OW, sure there will be another one soon though
@Wolbutter I hope you can find a way forward. I'm struggling to be honest

This could have been my post.

I too enjoy my own energy, rather than that being sucked away minute by minute.

Divorcing at nearly 52 and hope to be free and single by the end of 2025. (Something horrendous must happen to not be divorced by my 53rd birthday)

2nd time divorcing and I promise never, ever to be in another relationship or date or allow a man to come near me again - seriously never. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.

I’ve spent my entire life being in relationships with people who have varying degrees of batshitfuckery (including some god awful parents), tried to people please and keep the peace with disrespectful boundary busting morons and I’ve had the fuck enough.

Well done and good luck for your future life.

I have the exact same attitude towards my new life, showing my adult kids I am a confident person worthy of a better life.

I divorced at 52. I had been thinking of needing space for a while, still wanted to see if I could stay, realised I could leave as dc1 had finished uni then realised the younger one was just about to start. I knew in that moment that I couldn't do another three years. He didn't want to give me space and that was fine as I knew as soon as left shut the door I was happier and it was truly over. No regrets. Even if I had one day to live, or twenty years, I don't want to give it to him.

Those of you staying for the children, don't. It is really unfair to put that responsibility in them. Don't use them as an excuse either.

I ended my marriage when I was 49. My exH was moody and depressed but self medicating with alcohol instead of getting help or making any changes. I felt like I had struggled to support him for all of my 40s and I didn't have it in me to keep going.
I'm not divorced yet but should be soon. I'm financially worse off but much happier and more relaxed. I realise that I used to dread him and his negativity coming through the door. I still struggle a bit to totally relax, but I'm getting better at it.

Me! 55 in a couple years, going through divorce with a man who I never should have married (been married 15 years 2 kids). Going through awful financial “negotiations” (he wants all the ££ basically and I’ve paid for everything over the years) but it’s a small price for freedom. Just can’t wait to get the other side!

This post could have been written by me. I cut many ties with people in my life who treated me poorly. As a result, I don’t have any friends or family besides my teenagers.

This sounds very miserable, surely you'd be happier in a flat?

That was meant for @whatisforteamum