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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Has anyone divorced after age 50?

92 replies

stoviesfortea · 15/03/2025 19:16

Just that really. Married for 18 years. I keep having the same thoughts about leaving, but then I stay. Nothing is absolutely awful about our marriage but we are quite incompatible in a number of ways and I’ve pushed these thoughts away for over 20 years and just got on with it.

I don’t think I can do another 20 years, even another 10. The thought of splitting both terrifies me but I also think would be a huge relief and I sometimes fantasise about life on my own. We have 2 teen daughters which is what’s made this difficult in the past but after yet another argument I'm seriously thinking about it all again.

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 14/04/2025 20:38

I have no happy memories now. It's all meaningless so for me, I did waste my time. He wasn't who I thought he was.

User753175 · 15/04/2025 16:15

I still have good memories of the first half of my marriage. In some ways I don't feel like I'm divorcing the guy I married. That guy is long gone, stolen by anger issues and alcohol.
I know that if I could have shown my husband of 20 years ago the man he would become he'd have been horrified.

Beargirl · 15/04/2025 18:25

Gosh that is really telling ! You see , I think all the signs were there of his and my weaknesses . But when you are younger , more idealistic maybe , you ignore the signs .i am so happy i had the children , and i have good memories , but somehow I felt for ages that too much rested on my shoulders . And that it was now or never . Friends are crucial in helping , and I am so grateful i have been surrounded by good people .
I try to see the positive in situations , that helps I think . Of course I often stumble and cry !

Jas683 · 16/04/2025 06:56

2025willbemytime · 14/04/2025 20:38

I have no happy memories now. It's all meaningless so for me, I did waste my time. He wasn't who I thought he was.

I feel the same after 34 years of being together. I struggled with being so indifferent about my leaving my ex, thinking I should have felt more empathetic and sad. I hate anyone ever feeling uncomfortable but, this situation didn't go that

2025willbemytime · 16/04/2025 07:35

I have zero guilt about how my ex h has been since the split. He brought in on himself and he's behaved unforgivably since. I'm counting the days and I'll never have to have contact of any kind again.

Changeissmall · 16/04/2025 07:49

Separated for a few years now rather than divorced. We were in a dead marriage for a decade but children, childcare, housing, finances, Covid all kept us stuck for too long.

I am not sorry I waited until the DC were all adults. Of course that’s a danger as the law thinks they’re independent at 18! In reality I had to house myself and three young adults as they all wanted to stay with me.

By your 50s I think most people have got the emotional stuff sorted so it’s all about the practicalities. Housing, pensions etc.

No regrets! I haven’t filed for divorce because I have a strange mental block about doing one more admin thing all on my own. He said he would do it. Two years ago…

SantasLargerHelper · 16/04/2025 09:50

I'm 55 and initiated the divorce last year after essentially living as housemates who didn't really like each other for the past 10 years. No regrets at all, feel free and happy.

DurhamDurham · 16/04/2025 12:55

I'm 54 and I've thought about divorce on a regular basis since 2020 when I found out about an emotional affair my husband had been having. He'd been texting a former work colleague (of us both) who we hadn't seen in over twenty years. They struck up a friendship on FB and started messaging on Messenger and it went on three whole years until I found out. Probably would still be going on today if I hadn't found out.
I think I should have left at the time but didn't, now often think about it but for some reason I don't. I can't even explain it to myself really.
We keep booking holidays and we've always got lots planned in but I think subconsciously we both know that if we didn't then it would all come to an end.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/04/2025 13:21

@DurhamDurham I’m in a similar position - except in my case I found out about something similar but had happened 10 years before as he wrote songsand poems about it and stuffed in a drawer. He’s always been a bit of a moody drama llama but because I loved him I overlooked it - but finding that stuff just kind of snuffed things out for me at a deeper level - I suddenly felt not quite so special .

DurhamDurham · 16/04/2025 17:41

@Crikeyalmighty rubbish isn't it and only we can do something about it. I'd hate to still be where I am in another five years time. But I don't seek to be able to make the change.
It's not like he's the higher earner, I'd be financially fine on my own. Children all grown up, house paid for. Don't know what's stopping me.

Jas683 · 16/04/2025 21:19

DurhamDurham · 16/04/2025 12:55

I'm 54 and I've thought about divorce on a regular basis since 2020 when I found out about an emotional affair my husband had been having. He'd been texting a former work colleague (of us both) who we hadn't seen in over twenty years. They struck up a friendship on FB and started messaging on Messenger and it went on three whole years until I found out. Probably would still be going on today if I hadn't found out.
I think I should have left at the time but didn't, now often think about it but for some reason I don't. I can't even explain it to myself really.
We keep booking holidays and we've always got lots planned in but I think subconsciously we both know that if we didn't then it would all come to an end.

I had the same scenario.

It took me 6 years before I left.

DurhamDurham · 16/04/2025 21:52

@Jas683 what was the catalyst which made you go for it in the end, if you don't mind me asking?

Jas683 · 16/04/2025 22:05

DurhamDurham · 16/04/2025 21:52

@Jas683 what was the catalyst which made you go for it in the end, if you don't mind me asking?

Hi....

Saying I didn't want to holiday with him. It was all very subdued. I just knew it would happen at some point. I had been dreaming living alone. Not avoiding him anymore. The EA he had just really showed his inability to embrace my feelings. Incidentally, he said he would have kicked me out if I did the same. His personality most of the marriage was very erratic. Good moods one minute.
The next i found myself justifying when he would aggressive verbal outbursts which unsettled every family member. I also thought the clock is ticking much faster now in my 50s. I wanted an aspect of my life which was very much more focused on simply being happy with myself. I felt I should take responsibility for my own happiness rather than settling for a slightly better day than the crap day before. There were lots of days which made me and kids feel really sad with his attitudes and words, sadly 😥

DurhamDurham · 16/04/2025 22:44

@Jas683 thank you. There have been times over the last five years where I've (briefly) thought I was over it, was building trust again and could get past it. But that would invariably be followed with an argument blown out of all proportion due to all the unresolved hurt, anger and betrayal.
We have two holidays booked between now and June, if another break/holiday is mentioned, I'm going to say I don't want to book anything else in and see where I go from there.

I read the new Marian Keyes book recently and one part really resonated. A woman said that her and her partner were dancing around on thin ice; as long as they were light and fun they were ok, but as soon as there was stamping or heaviness the ice would crack and they'd both fall through. That's what my marriage feels like.

Well done for being so brave and making the move @Jas683 Flowers

User753175 · 17/04/2025 12:23

@Jas683 you articulated exactly how I felt before I ended my marriage. Feeling like time was speeding up and I couldn't keep hoping for good days instead of crap days.
Now that I'm single I still have mediocre days where work is very busy or I'm a bit sick but when I get home I can make myself what I fancy and read a book or watch what I want on television. When I was married my exH would use me being less than perky to start an argument and then call me a nag as an excuse to start drinking.

Coffeeforayear · 17/04/2025 12:29

My parents - father was over 50, mother just under 50. They'd been married over 20 years.

They didn't get on at all so I would say it was inevitable.

Jas683 · 17/04/2025 17:21

User753175 · 17/04/2025 12:23

@Jas683 you articulated exactly how I felt before I ended my marriage. Feeling like time was speeding up and I couldn't keep hoping for good days instead of crap days.
Now that I'm single I still have mediocre days where work is very busy or I'm a bit sick but when I get home I can make myself what I fancy and read a book or watch what I want on television. When I was married my exH would use me being less than perky to start an argument and then call me a nag as an excuse to start drinking.

I fully understand your feelings.

I love coming home and not feeling pressure in any direction that was inflicted by him.

Enjoy your life xx

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