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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Has anyone divorced after age 50?

92 replies

stoviesfortea · 15/03/2025 19:16

Just that really. Married for 18 years. I keep having the same thoughts about leaving, but then I stay. Nothing is absolutely awful about our marriage but we are quite incompatible in a number of ways and I’ve pushed these thoughts away for over 20 years and just got on with it.

I don’t think I can do another 20 years, even another 10. The thought of splitting both terrifies me but I also think would be a huge relief and I sometimes fantasise about life on my own. We have 2 teen daughters which is what’s made this difficult in the past but after yet another argument I'm seriously thinking about it all again.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 15/03/2025 19:29

You’re not the only one, staying but you don’t know why.

UnemployedNotRetired · 15/03/2025 20:00

You're probably after experiences not statistics, but at divorce women are on average aged 45, so there will be lots of 50+ and almost certainly a rising proportion.

Rattai · 15/03/2025 20:05

I got divorced aged 52
Best decision ever
I'm now living with my new partner
Dont stay where you are unhappy

Original poster
stoviesfortea · 15/03/2025 20:15

Can I ask why you got divorced @Rattai?

OP posts:
Passmetheaero · 15/03/2025 20:21

I’ve just divorced at the age of 43 and wish I’d done it years ago. I’m so happy. Go for it sooner rather than later, preferably this year - you won’t look back. Good luck.

Friartruckster · 15/03/2025 20:24

+50 divorces - form an orderly queue. I see 20 years is the natural life time for a marriage. People simply run out of puff. Shame as all the hard work done.

Pixiedust1234 · 15/03/2025 21:31

Me.

Been with H since I was 18, going to hit the big 60 this year. Did not want to spend 24/7 in misery with no escape once he retired.

House is in the process of being sold, H has moved out, finances agreed but need to be court approved. Decree absolute is one click away, waiting on the financials.

Can't fucking wait to be completely free. Do it OP, be free and be at peace.

Rattai · 15/03/2025 21:40

We weren't in love ( not sure we ever were) and the kids were grown up. I saw a chance and took it. No regrets at all

Original poster
stoviesfortea · 15/03/2025 21:41

@Pixiedust1234i dread being retired with him. I work more just now when I don’t need to just so I can get out the house. I go for long walks on my own.
Do you have kids? If so what age are they?

OP posts:
Helpagirlout222 · 15/03/2025 22:42

Me! Wasn't my choice but here i am. Hoping it will become a positive thing

Pixiedust1234 · 15/03/2025 22:50

Then now is the time to start planning to part ways. While you are earning you are able to do short term rentals if needed whilst house is being sold, (needed both for rent and references) and before the pensions are drawn down and not worth splitting. Timing is everything when you are getting closeish to retirement.

My DC are both over 25 but one is still at home for various reasons. However it has taken me over two years to get to this point, partly due to buyers letting us down but also with getting lazy H to actually do any admin, ie ask his providers for a pension forecast and filling in his Form E. In the end I had to fill it in for him with him next to me - just his usual weaponised incompetence rather than hiding money. Okay, thanks for that reminder, I need a cushion to scream into 😱😭

WhaatNext · 15/03/2025 23:38

Married almost double that, desperate to leave. In my early 60s. It's daunting...

unsync · 15/03/2025 23:40

If you can't face the thought of five more years let alone retirement with him, you've got your answer. I separated from my exH in 2017 after 25 years of marriage. It was a relief. I was 54 when we eventually divorced as we got stuck in the system due to the pandemic. I can honestly say that even though there are challenges, I am happy and enjoy my life, things are good.

SewingBees · 15/03/2025 23:53

I'm going through it right now, aged 52. Even though I have a terminal cancer diagnosis and only a few years probably to live, I have absolutely no regrets. I am already so much happier not having to live in a cluttered dirty house with a man who never wanted to go anywhere with me or sleep in the same bed.

StellaOlivetti · 17/03/2025 23:45

Me. I will be free from my marriage (which ran out of steam at least ten years ago) by the end of April.
I too hit the big 60 this year.
It’s been an awful process, but I’m looking forward to the future now.

Seawolves · 18/03/2025 00:03

Me. We'd been married 26 years when I left him. It was hard at times, the kids were shocked and he told them lies about why I left but I don't regret it.

livelovelough24 · 20/03/2025 19:50

When I was just about to turn 50 I looked myself in the mirror and thought to myself, “I cannot live like this for the next 25 years”, and that was that. I was 51 when we divorced. For me it was a death by thousand cuts. My ex was narcissistic, controlling, selfish, rude, grumpy, financially and emotionally abusive. I saw myself literally withering away next to him. I completely lost myself in that relationship. I was so unhappy and so confused. There was a point when I dreaded hearing his key in the door, the energy that he would bring with him was so toxic. He would suck up all the oxygen in the room, it would be hard for me to breathe.

Divorcing him was really hard, one of the hardest things I have experienced in my life. I am very emotional person, so I suffered both for me and him. I was sad for both of us, really sad. It took a long time to feel normal again, it really did.

Now, four years later, I am FREE and I LOVE it. I do what I want, when I want it. I sing and dance and laugh and goof around with my kids and my old doggy. My life is very simple, not much money for expensive holidays; I rent, I spend most of the time lounging on my sofa, eating amazing meals I prepared, sipping wine and watching Netflix. But my house is my sanctuary now. It is a place where I long to be, where I feel happy and safe. The best moment in a day is retreating to my bedroom, slipping under layers of blankets, turning on a candle or a soft light, reading a book or meditating. My life is not exceptional in any way, but it is my life and I love it.❤️

Pantsatwork · 20/03/2025 20:15

I was 50. Always dreaded retiring with him . We got on ok but I was bored. 3 kids at the time 14,16,18. We went on holiday that year and it was just us and the youngest. I knew then I never wanted to go on holiday with just him. He had an affair later that year and we separated. I don't think he ever could understand why I wasn't upset but honestly I felt so relieved! It's not been easy. The kids were actually ok with it all. I'm happy every night I go to bed on my own

Reveuse · 20/03/2025 20:34

Doing it now, aged 51.

@livelovelough24
I could have written almost word for word the description of your marriage.

It's still relatively early days for me, and I do feel sad for all that I have lost because there were good times too. But I just couldn't go on any longer.

I saw him today for some divorce-related stuff and was reminded why I left.

It's bloody hard, OP, the logistics and the grieving, but you can do it.

RedRedWine123 · 21/03/2025 07:28

Currently going through it at 56 with 2 older teens after 20 years of marriage. Its definitely the right decision and although there are tough times to get through, a weight has been lifted

Olive567 · 21/03/2025 08:05

Have split up after DC and 25 years together. House just sold, we're going through process now. I think we're both looking forward to starting new lives tbh, i realise we'd been in limbo for a long time. I initiated it, but once we'd got past initial shock of the decision, it is amicable now.

Olive567 · 21/03/2025 08:05

Should add, in 50s

Original poster
stoviesfortea · 21/03/2025 11:28

livelovelough24 · 20/03/2025 19:50

When I was just about to turn 50 I looked myself in the mirror and thought to myself, “I cannot live like this for the next 25 years”, and that was that. I was 51 when we divorced. For me it was a death by thousand cuts. My ex was narcissistic, controlling, selfish, rude, grumpy, financially and emotionally abusive. I saw myself literally withering away next to him. I completely lost myself in that relationship. I was so unhappy and so confused. There was a point when I dreaded hearing his key in the door, the energy that he would bring with him was so toxic. He would suck up all the oxygen in the room, it would be hard for me to breathe.

Divorcing him was really hard, one of the hardest things I have experienced in my life. I am very emotional person, so I suffered both for me and him. I was sad for both of us, really sad. It took a long time to feel normal again, it really did.

Now, four years later, I am FREE and I LOVE it. I do what I want, when I want it. I sing and dance and laugh and goof around with my kids and my old doggy. My life is very simple, not much money for expensive holidays; I rent, I spend most of the time lounging on my sofa, eating amazing meals I prepared, sipping wine and watching Netflix. But my house is my sanctuary now. It is a place where I long to be, where I feel happy and safe. The best moment in a day is retreating to my bedroom, slipping under layers of blankets, turning on a candle or a soft light, reading a book or meditating. My life is not exceptional in any way, but it is my life and I love it.❤️

This sounds absolute BLISS. I am the same with hearing him come in the house, I don’t necessarily dread it but I don’t welcome it. I don’t feel joy seeing him whereas when the kids come in from school I love to see them and give them a hug and ask about their day. I feel so indifferent towards DH now and couldn’t really care about his day.

The thought of my own bed and the remote control sounds amazing. He just lies in bed and farts and breathes and it’s starting to make my skin crawl at times. I’m feeling sad I feel like this but any actual desire has long gone and I just go through the motions now.

OP posts:
Mikart · 21/03/2025 11:29

Yes at 57. Best thing i ever did

bringonyourwreckingball · 21/03/2025 11:35

I was 49. In the end he forced my hand but I wish I had done myself and the kids a favour and pulled the plug years ago.