Page 2 | Ex refusing permission for holidays outwith UK

Exasperated80 · 2025-02-23T17:28:46+00:00

Last year my ex refused to give permission for me to take our daughter to America for a holiday. He refused mediation and gave our solicitor the run around and we ended up having to go to court. The Sheriff found in our favour and we eventually got to go. However it resulted in a solicitors bill of £8,500! Our daughter is 14 and desperately wants to go abroad again, however her dad has refused permission for her to leave the UK. This included a ski trip to France organised by her school. I don't think I've any option but to go to court again but can't possibly afford the cost of last time!! Scottish law doesn't seem as straightforward as English law in that there not just a form you can complete. Everything I find just says to speak to a solicitor. Does anyone in Scotland have any experience and/or advice? Thanks 🙏

MikeRafone · 23/02/2025 19:17

It’s a shame there isn’t a freedom program for teenagers

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:18

AgnesX · 23/02/2025 18:44

Have you tried somewhere like the Govan Law Centre or advocate group like Women's Aid, that could steer you in the right direction?

Is that even an option?

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I am thinking of calling women's aid. He's made my life hell for the past few years so it might help with other things too!!

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Theunamedcat · 23/02/2025 19:19

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:15

Yeah I said to her that I would be furious if it was me but she just shrugged. She's just tired of the games he plays but doesn't want to stop seeing him.....yet!

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Well then consequences are she has no overseas holidays until she is 18

ultimately she can ask her own father for written permission there is a template online very simple to do I'm guessing he hates you more than he loves her and she knows it that's why she won't do it

Can't blame her it must be horrible to realise this admitting it to yourself hurts

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:22

Theunamedcat · 23/02/2025 19:19

Well then consequences are she has no overseas holidays until she is 18

ultimately she can ask her own father for written permission there is a template online very simple to do I'm guessing he hates you more than he loves her and she knows it that's why she won't do it

Can't blame her it must be horrible to realise this admitting it to yourself hurts

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Unfortunately even if he signed something he can then retract it at any stage, which is what he did last year. Yeah he hates me that much 🤬

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ReadingRubbish · 23/02/2025 19:23

I think a lot of people might hate my answer but it's only going to be a few years before she and you can do what you want so might it be easier to not bother with holidays for a few more years. You can save the money for great short trips away in the UK or save for an amazing holiday once you are free of him.

igivein · 23/02/2025 19:24

Depending whereabouts you are in Scotland there are pro bono law clinics.
Several of the universities have them and I think there might be others too.
The university clinics are basically students working under the supervision of practising solicitors to enable them to get some real world experience.
Google pro bono law clinic Scotland and see if there’s anything near you.

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:28

ReadingRubbish · 23/02/2025 19:23

I think a lot of people might hate my answer but it's only going to be a few years before she and you can do what you want so might it be easier to not bother with holidays for a few more years. You can save the money for great short trips away in the UK or save for an amazing holiday once you are free of him.

I absolutely get that and was willing to do just that but then when he said no to her school trip I felt I had to do something. It's only her that he's punishing. Just frustrating!

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Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:29

igivein · 23/02/2025 19:24

Depending whereabouts you are in Scotland there are pro bono law clinics.
Several of the universities have them and I think there might be others too.
The university clinics are basically students working under the supervision of practising solicitors to enable them to get some real world experience.
Google pro bono law clinic Scotland and see if there’s anything near you.

Brilliant thank you! I didn't know about that. Pro bono would be amazing!!

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Livinghappy · 23/02/2025 19:36

What order did you get for the UK? Could you contact the court and ask the process for amending an Order so it includes, school trips and holidays with mum to xyz destinations?

In England this is something you could apply for yourself but not sure about Scotland. Post on Legal and see if family lawyers for Scotlanx would know.

In England it's a form circa £300 and whilst it's not fun to self rep once you have been through the process before it's more of a known entity. Your ex would need to justify why he doesn't want to allow it, school trips would be challenging to explain.

Never2many · 23/02/2025 19:37

I thought that you could take a child out of the country for up to 30 days if you have PR, and you don’t need permission from the other parent.

I wouldn’t ask him. I would tell him that you’re going. And I would it do it about 12 hours before the fact.

It’s very, very difficult to get a hold put on a passport to stop someone leaving the country.

Then let him take you to court when you get back.

Or alternatively I would leave the country and text him when you get there. there is absolutely nothing he can do. You have PR.

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:52

Livinghappy · 23/02/2025 19:36

What order did you get for the UK? Could you contact the court and ask the process for amending an Order so it includes, school trips and holidays with mum to xyz destinations?

In England this is something you could apply for yourself but not sure about Scotland. Post on Legal and see if family lawyers for Scotlanx would know.

In England it's a form circa £300 and whilst it's not fun to self rep once you have been through the process before it's more of a known entity. Your ex would need to justify why he doesn't want to allow it, school trips would be challenging to explain.

Yeah it's definitely different in Scotland. I'm just not sure what as my solicitor dealt with it all. Unfortunately the court order was only for one trip because it was an emergency order (granted 4 days before we flew!!)

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Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:55

Never2many · 23/02/2025 19:37

I thought that you could take a child out of the country for up to 30 days if you have PR, and you don’t need permission from the other parent.

I wouldn’t ask him. I would tell him that you’re going. And I would it do it about 12 hours before the fact.

It’s very, very difficult to get a hold put on a passport to stop someone leaving the country.

Then let him take you to court when you get back.

Or alternatively I would leave the country and text him when you get there. there is absolutely nothing he can do. You have PR.

Unfortunately because I don't have a child protection order then I absolutely have to have permission or a court order. He's so vindictive I would just not go without it. It totally sucks!

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Temporaryname158 · 23/02/2025 20:11

I don’t know the system so can offer no specific advice, however I would be planning and saving for the trip of a lifetime when she turns 18!

ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 20:15

The Scottish Child Law Centre will be able to advise on this especially the lack of permission for school trips. What does he say to your daughter about why he won't allow that?

How many nights a week does she stay with him compared to you? Is it 50/50.

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 20:29

ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 20:15

The Scottish Child Law Centre will be able to advise on this especially the lack of permission for school trips. What does he say to your daughter about why he won't allow that?

How many nights a week does she stay with him compared to you? Is it 50/50.

I've emailed them tonight after someone else mentioned them so fingers crossed. He didn't give any reason, just said "remember you're not allowed out of the UK"

She stays a couple of nights a week. It varies week to week because he works shifts. We don't have a formal agreement though.

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MikeRafone · 23/02/2025 20:43

For the school trip why should one parent get the final say over the other parent?

the child if 14 wants to go on a school trip
tje mother will pay

yet the dad can come along and just say no, without any particular reason

notatinydancer · 23/02/2025 20:51

What a wanker.

Can you let us know how you get on please ?

MercyChant66 · 23/02/2025 20:58

angelinawasrobbed · 23/02/2025 18:45

There’s a legal section on here. If you specified Scotland in your title, someone might be able to point the way

To some of us OP's use of the word 'outwith' tells us that already!

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 21:03

MikeRafone · 23/02/2025 20:43

For the school trip why should one parent get the final say over the other parent?

the child if 14 wants to go on a school trip
tje mother will pay

yet the dad can come along and just say no, without any particular reason

Unfortunately that's the law when it comes to a child leaving the UK. He knew that I was covering the cost but still said no. Sometimes the legal system just sucks!

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ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 21:05

So 8 nights a month she's with father and 20 nights she's with you, yet he gets to stop the French trip?! What a complete tosser he is.

Yes please update us, I'm fascinated to know what your rights are. I mean there's no way a judge would rule in his favour, it's bluster, but it would be good to know the legal position here when you are the main care giver.

Fair play to you for holding your tongue in front of your daughter. It's such a shit position to be in. This happened to a friend of mine but it was 20 odd years ago. Court order every time. Waste of money, time and energy all round.

Marmight · 23/02/2025 21:30

My exDP tried this trick in trying to control me via the kids.
So I completed a C100 application at the local court for a speicfic issues order and a child arrangement order.
This meant that i got to take my son abroad a few weeks later for the arranaged and already paid for holiday.
The CAO gave me court permission to take him our of the UK for up to 28 days without getting explicit permission from ex.
It completely takes the power away from them as they are continuing their abuse of you and your DD.
I selfrepresented through the whole process so cost me about £200+ only

There will be a Scottish equivalent.
Do it!
Good luck 😊

Uberella · 23/02/2025 21:39

Imagine being that much of a cunt that you deny your own child holidays even school trips just so you can get one over on your child's other parent.

I take it there was domestic abuse issues with coercive control before you ended the relationship.

Everyone can certainly see why he's an ex.

Original poster

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 22:26

Marmight · 23/02/2025 21:30

My exDP tried this trick in trying to control me via the kids.
So I completed a C100 application at the local court for a speicfic issues order and a child arrangement order.
This meant that i got to take my son abroad a few weeks later for the arranaged and already paid for holiday.
The CAO gave me court permission to take him our of the UK for up to 28 days without getting explicit permission from ex.
It completely takes the power away from them as they are continuing their abuse of you and your DD.
I selfrepresented through the whole process so cost me about £200+ only

There will be a Scottish equivalent.
Do it!
Good luck 😊

Thanks for giving me hope!!!!

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ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 22:30

Some interesting points in this article.

carefulchildrelocation.com/united-kingdom-scotland/

Looks like only deemed a child until 16. So only 2 more years OP. Also rights of the child in Scotland are crucial. So child's POV are central. I hope you can get a similar order to the woman below in England. All the best.

WhistPie · 23/02/2025 22:51

Your daughter has made the decision to go with what her father wants, so she has to live with the consequences